Don't Remember Me
by brokenstars123
Summary: "Eren…" the sound of his name coming off this person's tongue is intimately familiar and painfully nostalgic. "Don't remember me..." But how can Eren forget something that he doesn't remember to begin with? Eren is just a high school kid with anger issues and a bottle of pills. And these dreams he's having are important, if only he could remember. Reincarnation/modern day [Ereri]
1. Chapter 1: A Neglected Cigarette

Mutilated corpses piled high—limbless, headless, and gutless. Gore strewn in all directions, and blood soaked dust as far as the eye can see. Just death and more death. Is this Hell? Eren's heart beats inside his chest too quickly. It hurts. Not a single person stands as he runs through what's left of this wasteland. Where is he running? Who are all of these people that lie at his feet? And why are they all... dead? Then he freezes.

A lone body is sprawled out a few meters away. He's not sure why, but he's drawn to this particular one. His knees tremble, and his breath comes out uncomfortably short as he approaches.

Blood splatters the face that is so familiar yet, when he wracks his brain, he can't remember this person at all. The limbs are crushed, and the uniform the person wears is shredded and tattered. Eren falls to his knees and stares. This person isn't a pretty sight, but even under all that grime and blood, Eren finds this person captivating. He reaches out and his fingertips touch the cold face. The eyes twitch and slowly break open. They're hazy and half-lidded as they focus on Eren. This person is…

"Please, don't fall asleep," Eren cracks in a breathless whisper, tears pulling in the backs of his eyes.

He gently lifts the head into his lap and there's a pained hiss. A breath feebly leaves blue, cracked lips, and then the eyes that he can almost remember fall shut.

"No! Don't you dare close your eyes!" Eren desperately cries out and those familiar eyes open again.

"So loud…" but the voice is silent.

"You can't die! Don't…" and Eren's voice drops because it's failing him, "…leave me here." Eren doesn't know why, but he feels this person is the only thing keeping him together, so without this person, he'll shatter.

The mouth opens, and Eren can barely make out what is said—the words are a weak gasp and blood gurgles up in the back of the mouth as they're choked out. And these words, they cut Eren like a blade.

"Eren…" the sound of his name coming off this person's tongue is intimately familiar and painfully nostalgic. "Don't remember me..."

But how can Eren possibly forget something that he doesn't remember to begin with? Eren's tears land on bloodstained cheeks as those eyes fall shut again. And this time, they don't reopen.

Eren clings to this lifeless body. "I'm so sorry," he breathes out and he wishes apologies were more than just useless words. This person, just who is this person? He mashes his mouth against cold, split lips, closes his eyes, and tries so hard to remember. Who are you? …and why do you make my heart ache?

"Wake up Eren, we have class."

Eren's eyes snap open and he sits up. For a moment, he's disoriented, he doesn't know where he is. At last, he realizes he's dozed off during lunch hour again.

Mikasa stands over him with a stony look, but it quickly fades. "You're crying."

"Huh?" Eren wipes at his eyes and realizes they're wet. He quickly dries them on the back of his wrist and Mikasa lowers down into a crouch next to him.

"What were you dreaming about that was so sad?"

Eren shrugs, his eyes falling to the ground. "I…can't remember," he sighs.

When he looks up at Mikasa again, her dark eyes penetrate deep into his. And for a moment, she says nothing. At last she mutters, "We're going to be late."

And they climb to a stand then head to class.

Being a sophomore in high school is the life Eren Jaeger lives. It's a simple life with days of tedious routine. The brick walls of this school keep him trapped, but the thing is, Eren is a free person and being caged in this world like cattle isn't something he's comfortable with. He will find a way to break free of the boundaries holding him inside these walls though. He just doesn't know how yet. But he does know that it definitely doesn't start here, in this classroom.

"Fight!"

Eren whips around as crowds of students run past him. A fight? He squeezes through the students and hears the struggle before he sees it. He stretches onto his toes, searching over the bobbing heads around him. There's a loud bang as someone is thrown against the lockers that line the hallway.

"Leave him alone!" Eren snarls as he breaks through the line of people.

The massive bastard that has Armin shoved up against the wall turns on his heel with an ugly, unkind sneer twisting his face. "Make me."

Fiery rage bubbles up inside Eren, and he's swinging his fists at these punks before anyone can blink an eye. He hits the asshole square in the jaw and the guy doubles over. But someone else grapples Eren from behind, slinging him against the metallic lockers. All of the air is knocked out of his lungs when ruthless knuckles connect with his gut. A wince passes over Eren's face as a guy fists a handful of his hair and yanks his head backward. It's uncomfortable—the tendons in Eren's neck strain from the force.

"You're in way over your head," the guy rasps into his ear. "If you were smart, you wouldn't involve yourself in other people's shit."

Eren scoffs. "And if you weren't a total asshole, I wouldn't have to involve myself in this bullshit."

Eren twists around, ignoring the pain of his hair being ripped from his scalp, and tackles this guy. But Eren is outnumbered, and these guys are twice his size, and soon he's on the floor being kicked at, and punched at, and spit at. He curls up with his arms in front of his face to shield himself, but it's proving to be ineffective. Then suddenly, it all stops. Eren looks up right as Mikasa throws a guy twice her size over her shoulder, and then impales an elbow into another.

"Shit! It's Mikasa!" The assholes make a hasty retreat before Mikasa can unleash her full strength on them.

Eren remains on the ground, chest furiously heaving. He's still pissed off. His blood is still boiling. All he wants is to go after those assholes and make them pay for ever touching Armin.

Mikasa stands over him and offers a hand. "Are you okay?"

Eren grits his teeth. "Check on Armin. He's the one they were beating up on."

Mikasa doesn't move and her expression is unreadable. "You shouldn't charge into a fight when you don't have the power to win."

A heavy glare contorts Eren's face. He pointedly ignores her hand while climbing to his feet. "Who's side are you on?" he demands.

He pushes past her and approaches a ruffled Armin. He's limp on the ground, back rested against the wall. His long, blonde hair is tangled and matted to his scalp with nervous sweat. His face is pasty pale, and his busted bottom lip dribbles fresh blood.

Eren crouches in front of him offering a kind smile. "You okay?"

Armin's round, pale blue eyes shift from the floor to Eren's face. "Eren, I'm sorry. You don't have to fight for me all the time."

Eren's brows furrow and his tongue clicks against his teeth. "Tch, but if I don't, then who will?" He rises to his feet, extending an open hand. "We're friends, it's what friends do."

Armin stares at Eren's hand, eyes growing glassy, his bottom lip trembling. His fingers slowly wrap around Eren's and he's pulled to his feet. Mikasa rests a comforting hand on Armin's small shoulder.

"Thank you, Mikasa," he says with a grateful smile.

She nods with her eyes straightforward in a deadpan. "Eren and I will protect you."

Armin sniffles. "Thank you," he murmurs again.

Eren playfully ruffles his hair. "Hey, don't worry about it." And the grin that splits Eren's face is wide and genuine. He'll _always_ protect Armin.

They're heading home, walking at a slow pace, feet mindlessly dragging by. The autumn air is crisp and Eren notices Mikasa shivering. He comes to a halt and she follows suit. He takes hold to the red muffler loosely draped around her neck.

"You have to wear it right. I didn't give this to you so it could hang uselessly around your throat."

Years ago, Eren gave Mikasa this muffler. Their fathers are friends, and Eren's father told him he had to make friends with Mikasa. So he did. And he's glad he did. She's been his closest friend since then, and he can't imagine a life without her. Her black hair falls just below her chin, and her eyes are so dark they appear black. She's physically strong— stronger than Eren and she lacks any femininity. She frightens him a bit, but that's also what he likes about her. She keeps him in check.

A pink color dusts her cheeks and she remains still as Eren's fingers tug and pull at the material, the warm tips brushing over her skin. Once the muffler is settled around her neck properly, they continue walking. They're silent and overhear the loud, obnoxious voices of their classmates nearby.

"Did you hear about that gang raid the other night?"

"Yeah, the cops caught 'em all though. And that one officer earned his fourth medal of valor for it."

"What was his name…Officer Levi, right? They say he's like a superhero or something."

Officer Levi may be only a local officer but he's famous throughout the city, and his face is always plastered on the front pages of newspapers and on television screens. He's constantly being recognized for arresting bad guys and locking them up

"He took 'em down single-handedly."

Eren is face forward with a determined hardline look. "I want to be like Officer Levi. When I graduate, I'm going to join the police force." Eren wants to ensure that bastards like the ones who hassle Armin face justice. He wants to make bastards like them pay for their offenses—he won't be satisfied until they do.

"That's dangerous, Eren. Police officers lose their lives," is Mikasa's even reply.

Eren is sharp. "I can handle it. I'm not weak."

"I never said you were weak."

"I think you can do it," Armin urges with a grin aimed at him. And he sounds entirely confident as if Eren doesn't have any ability to fail.

Mikasa's dark eyes taper. "Don't encourage him, Armin. He doesn't know what he's getting himself in to."

Eren scowls at her. "You can't stop me. This is my decision."

A sigh leaves Mikasa's pink mouth, and her fingers slip into Eren's. "Just…think about it, okay?"

Eren looks at her in wonder, but she's not facing him. Her eyes are straight ahead and her expression is unreadable. He tugs his hand free.

"I'll catch up with you guys later."

"Have a session today?" Armin guesses.

Eren nods.

Mikasa's mouth presses into a line and doesn't say anything; on the other hand, Armin keeps smiling.

"Have fun," he says.

Eren snorts. "Your definition of fun and mine must be different because there's no way in hell therapy could ever be considered fun."

Armin's grin doesn't falter as he waves goodbye. Then Eren tugs at the straps of his book bag and heads out.

* * *

"How are you Eren? Got any news for me?" Doctor Hanji asks with a wide smile.

He's been attending therapy sessions with Hanji for years now. This small room and this worn couch are all too familiar. Eren feels like his rear has made a permanent imprint in the grey cushions. He likes Doctor Hanji. She's kind and seems to genuinely care about Eren. Thin-framed glasses are settled on the bridge of her curved nose, and her thick, chestnut hair is typically pulled up into a ponytail.

Eren shrugs.

"Well how are you feeling these days?"

Eren shrugs again, saying nothing.

Hanji's bright, brown eyes scope him out from behind the lenses of her glasses. "Hmm, you're not very talkative today, which isn't like you at all." She leans forward and stares intently at him. It makes him squirm a little.

"Whatcha thinking about?"

Eren hunches over, his chin falling into the palm of his hand. Finally, he looks Doctor Hanji in the eye. He's hesitant and apprehensive, "Am…I crazy?"

Hanji tosses her head back, letting out a boisterous laugh. When her gaze returns to Eren, it appears warm and comforting. "Of course not! Why would you say that?"

Eren takes out the bottle of pills from out of his bag and holds it in the palms of his hands. He rolls it over and the label reads: take one dose in the morning and one dose in the evening or as instructed by doctor.

"But then why do I have to take this medication? Isn't that only for crazy people?"

Hanji pushes her glasses up higher on the bridge of her nose. "I get that question a lot actually, but trust me, you're not crazy. The medication just subdues your anger a little. That way you won't have to fight it all on your own, ya get me?"

Eren is silent for a moment before replying. "I get it, but that makes me…hate myself a little." His eyes flick up to Hanji. "I mean, why am I this way? Am I a monster?"

Hanji's smile is kind as she shakes her head. "If you're a monster then we're all monsters. There's nothing wrong with the way you are, Eren."

Eren nods. He'll believe Doctor Hanji because if he doesn't, he'll continue to doubt himself and that hurts.

"You sound like you've been thinking a lot," she notes. "Are these the only thoughts going through your mind?"

Eren shakes his head. His reply is slow and distant, his eyes darting away from her. "No, I've had other thoughts lately too, but when I try to remember them, they're all fuzzy like my mind won't let me remember."

Hanji's lips purse thoughtfully, and she taps her pen against her top lip while she muses over that. "Can you remember anything at all?"

Eren searches the air as if it holds some kind of key to unlocking his memory, but there's nothing there, and so the answers remain locked away. "They're dreams actually. And I have them every time I fall asleep, and when I wake up, there's this agonizing pressure in my chest like something is missing from inside of me." He clutches onto his chest, right over his heart. Right now, the pressure isn't there and he feels as whole as he can, but he's almost afraid to fall asleep most nights. He doesn't want to face that painful emptiness in the morning when he wakes.

"Dreams?"

Eren nods.

"And you can't remember them?"

"Well… There is one thing," he draws out slowly, each syllable dragging from his lips.

Hanji's eyes are on him and she's not smiling. Her expression is serious, which is strange for her. She's rarely ever this serious during Eren's sessions. It makes him a little nervous. Is something wrong with him after all?

"What is it?"

Eren looks down at his hands, they feel foreign to him. He feels like he doesn't know much about himself anymore. "I don't actually remember seeing a face or even a presence, but I know that there's someone important in my dreams. I can feel it." His fingers curl into loose fists. He knows there's something important that he's missing. Why else would his heart ache this way?

"A person? Is this person a friend or an enemy?"

Eren's shoulders collapse in defeat. His head hurts. The dreams are a void inside his mind. Each time he tries to remember all he comes up with is empty space. "I…" he sighs, "…don't know." And he wishes with his entire being that he did.

Hanji leans back in her seat. "Don't sweat it, Eren. I think it'll come back to you. Just keep trying to remember. Maybe if you keep a dream journal, it'll help."

She shuffles through her desk and holds a small notebook in her hand. "Lookie here, I even have a spare." She winks and tosses it to him. "Just write down anything you might remember immediately after you wake up. It doesn't have to be much. It can even be a single word or letter, anything at all, and next week we'll talk about it, m'kay?"

Eren smiles. "Yes ma'am."

* * *

Eren is careful as he turns the knob and opens the front door. It soundlessly swings open and he slinks through. He tiptoes down the hall, sneaking by the kitchen where he can hear dishes clinking and clanging together, and water rushing out of the faucet—his mother is washing them but he doesn't sneak a peek as he passes. His foot silently lands on the bottom step to the staircase leading to his room. He's about to step on the second one, when his mother's stern voice comes directly from behind him.

"Don't think you can sneak past me, Eren Jaeger."

He cries out a little in shock and whirls around. She's frowning at him, her arms crossed over her chest.

"You got into another fight, didn't you." It's not a question.

A breath of frustration bursts from Eren. "I didn't start it!" he cries defensively. "It was those assholes! They were beating up on Armin again."

"Eren! Watch your mouth," she scolds.

After a few more minutes of angry glowering, her expression softens and she lets out a sigh. She wipes her hands on the apron strung around her slim waist and opens her arms towards him. "Come here."

Eren steps forward into the space between them and they close around him in an embrace. He doesn't return the gesture, but his mother doesn't seem to mind as her arms tighten around him.

"You have a strong heart and good intention, but you have to control your anger. Fighting doesn't solve anything."

Eren grits his teeth. "But if I don't put those guys in their place, who will?"

His mother holds him at arms length, looking straight into his eyes. "In the end, they'll get what they deserve. You have to have faith and believe that the good will be rewarded, and the bad will face justice." She places a warm palm on his cheek. "Promise me you won't charge into any more fights."

Eren looks away. He won't make a promise he can't keep. He won't hesitate to fight those guys again if they land another hand on Armin, or anybody else for that matter.

"Please Eren, promise me." Her wide eyes are pleading and profound.

Eren sighs in defeat. How can he deny his mother when she looks at him that way? "I'll try."

Her lips press into a stern line, she clearly wants Eren to do more than just try, but she drops the subject. She takes his head and holds him to her chest. "I love you."

"Yeah," he murmurs into the hollow of her collar, "I love you too."

She lets him go and grins. "Dinner will be ready soon. Your father is staying late in the lab again so he won't make it, but I've made your favorite dessert."

Eren's mouth waters at just the thought. "Strawberry crisp with whipped cream on top?"

She winks. "You got it."

"Mmm."

His stomach is swollen and stuffed with as much strawberry crisp as he could shove down his throat while he lies in bed, gazing up at the ceiling. Apprehension pits its way in his chest. He sits up and fumbles through his book bag for the notebook Hanji gave him. He sets it on the bedside table with a pen pointed toward him so that when he wakes up, he'll be able to immediately write down what he remembers. He _will_ remember this time, and he won't forget again.

Blood flings out of Eren's mouth as something connects with his jaw and he's sent sprawling to the side. His hands are bound behind him and he's in a crouch before a crowd of people. Who are they and why are they staring at him with such wide, terrified eyes? A knee slams into his face and he doubles over with a groan.

"I believe discipline can only be taught with pain."

That voice…it has no mercy or forgiveness. Does this person hate Eren? He feels the heel of a boot grind into the back of his skull, and then strong fingers curl into his hair and he's jerked upward to look this person in the eye. He meets a dull, cold stare. Does Eren know this person? He thinks that he does.

Eren snaps up straight. And suddenly, he's in his room, and that crowd of people that was watching him with such hatred is gone and so are those cold, jaded eyes. Eren quickly fumbles for the dream journal and begins frantically scrawling everything he can remember. But he's not quick enough, the images are fading, and then all he can recall is the pain of being kicked around. He rubs his chin. That really hurt…

* * *

"Did you hurt your jaw or something?"

Eren meets Mikasa's eye. "No, why?"

She shrugs and takes a bite from the red apple in her hand. Eren, Mikasa, and Armin sit in the grassy courtyard eating lunch. Technically, students aren't allowed to eat anywhere but in the cafeteria, but Eren hates boundaries so he's convinced Mikasa and Armin to sneak away with him.

"You keep rubbing at it."

Eren realizes that he's doing just that. His hand falls back to his sandwich and he takes a bite. He chews silently for a moment. "Do you think you can dream about something you can't remember?"

Armin and Mikasa stare at him with puzzled looks.

"What do you mean?" Armin asks.

Eren lies against the soft, green grass that pillows his body, an arm folded behind his head, leg crossed over his knee, and watches the clear sky above him. "I don't really know what I'm trying to say. It's just that I've been having these weird dreams and they're all I can think about."

"What are they about?"

Eren lets out a short breath of overwhelming frustration. His mind is teeming with an exasperation that's moments away from splintering his mind to grains. "That's the problem, I can't remember them."

"Then why does it matter?" Mikasa says.

Eren tilts back to look at Mikasa. She's studying him with her characteristic, dull gaze that never reveals anything she's thinking.

"They're important to me. I need to remember."

"I forget my dreams all the time," remarks Armin. "It's okay if you don't remember. In most cases, that's the way it is. That's just how our brains work."

Eren heaves another unsatisfied sigh. "You guys are missing the point. These dreams mean something. "

"Dreams are dreams, Eren. They don't have any real meaning," Mikasa replies, eyes focused out over the courtyard away from him.

"I'm telling you, these dreams are different. They're not like any other dreams I've had before. They feel more like…memories."

"They could be memories," Armin states, "Dreams are sometimes just recollections of past experiences."

"Well that's the thing, they feel like memories but there's no way they can actually be memories. The world in my dreams is nothing like the real world."

"Hmm…" Armin ponders that, face puckered into a contemplative look for a while, and then he gives a defeated shake of his head. "I'm sorry, Eren. I don't have any logical theories for that."

Eren perks up a little and sits up. "Do you have any _illogical_ theories?"

The smile Armin gives is embarrassed, and his cheeks redden a bit. His eyes fall to his bag lunch that still sits unopened in his lap. He's hesitant as he answers. "Well, you know that I don't believe in anything that doesn't have any solid facts behind it, but what you're describing reminds me of karma."

"Karma?"

Armin nods before hesitantly meeting Eren's eye. "I've read some collections about people who've claimed to revisit past lives through out-of-body experiences during their sleep. And what you're saying is similar to what those people described." When Eren doesn't respond Armin quickly adds, "But that's just superstition and I don't believe in that sort of thing."

"A past life…?" Eren considers this. It sounds crazy, he knows. But for some reason, he doesn't completely reject the idea. He holds onto it in the back of his mind.

Mikasa suddenly stiffens. "A teacher is coming," she warns. "We should get out of here."

Eren is the first on his feet and he pulls Mikasa to a stand. "Let's sneak through the back of the cafeteria. No one will see us that way."

It's study hall but no one actually studies like they should. Study hall is a joke but it's the only time Eren gets to see all of his friends together. There's Connie and Sasha, Marco and Jean—Eren doesn't really like Jean, but he's still a part of his group of friends so he puts up with Jean's constant bad attitude. Eren, Mikasa, and Armin sit at their desks, and Jean walks directly to Eren. He grabs hold to the sides of Eren's desk and frowns down at him.

"Did you sneak off during lunch hour again?" he demands.

Eren looks up at him. "Yeah? Why do you care?" he retorts.

Jean's eyes dart to Mikasa but Eren doesn't take notice. Jean's eyes narrow and he folds his arms indignantly over his chest, towering over Eren. "Are you an idiot? You could get in trouble sneaking off like that. And Mikasa and Armin would get in trouble too."

"I don't care. It's not like the school can do much. Leaving the cafeteria seems harmless to me."

Jean gives an irritated scoff. "That's not the point, dumbass. You'll drag Mikasa and Armin down along with you. Do you want that?"

Eren grinds his teeth together. Jean pisses him off but there's a part of Eren that hates to admit that he has a point.

"Jean, if they want to skip out during lunch hour, let them. They're not hurting anybody," Marco cuts in as he clutches on to Jean's shoulder. He offers Eren a smile, pointedly rolling his eyes in Jean's direction. Even Jean's best friend knows he can be a handful.

"Hey, did you just roll your eyes at me? You asshole."

Marco gives a grin that remains unaffected by Jean's insult. Marco and Jean are practically inseparable, wherever one goes the other follows, but they're nothing alike. Eren wonders how they get along so well. Marco is friendly and has a good sense of humor, but Jean… he's just an asshole and takes things way too seriously. Jean brushes Marco's hand off his shoulder, and goes to his seat at the other end of the room.

"He doesn't actually hate you," Marco tells Eren. "He's just jealous."

Eren's brows crease. "Why would he be?"

Marco's eyes deliberately shift to Mikasa, but Eren still doesn't make any connections.

Marco gives a small, crooked smile. "Never mind."

"Did you have any leftovers today?" Sasha asks Mikasa, automatically taking the desk next to her.

Mikasa nods and takes out the last of her lunch. It's half of a sandwich. She pulls it out of the plastic baggy and holds it out to Sasha. Her wide, brown eyes brighten in delight. She reaches to grab it, but before she can, Mikasa stuffs the end into her own mouth.

Sasha's jaw drops in shock, eyes bugging. "What! Why would you do that?"

Mikasa shrugs as she chews. "You eat too much. You'll get an ulcer."

"I will not! My stomach is steel," she argues, her bottom lip jutting out in a disheartened pout.

Mikasa ignores her and tosses the rest of her uneaten sandwich into the garbage.

"No! You just wasted it! You're so mean!" Sasha wails, and her head falls against the desk dejectedly.

Connie leans against the empty desk beside Eren, "Yo, you gonna try out for the basketball team this year?"

Eren shakes his head. "No, I was told that I'm too competitive for school sports." Eren gives the back of his head a dubious scratch. He didn't really get that. How can someone be too competitive when it comes to sports?

"That sucks. You were one of our best players."

Last year, Connie was pretty good at basketball. He isn't very tall but he's quick on his feet, and he somehow manages to slip by the other team's players.

"Guess you'll just have to manage without me."

Connie sighs. "Yeah but without you there that means I'll have to hang with…" his expression darkens a fraction, "…Jean."

That makes Eren laugh out loud. "Marco will keep him in check."

"He better."

When school is let out for the day, Eren, Mikasa, and Armin leave together as usual.

"See ya tomorrow, Mikasa," Jean says, red blossoming the tips of his ears as he passes.

Marco waves and the two of them walk side-by-side in the opposite direction.

"Jean's a weird guy," Eren mumbles.

Armin chuckles. "I kind of like him."

"You like everyone."

Then Armin's pale-blue eyes focus on something behind Eren. Eren turns, following Armin's line of sight, and he sees three juniors walking together through the courtyard—it's Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie. Eren actually likes Reiner and Bertholdt. They don't put up with bullshit like bullying. Bertholdt is so tall that no one dares to challenge him anyway and Reiner is the strongest guy in the entire school. Only a complete fool would mess with either one of them. But they don't let their strength or power go to their heads; they're down-to-earth and kind as far as Eren can tell.

As for Annie, Armin has been watching her from a distance for a while. Eren doesn't really know what Armin sees in her. She always appears bored and indifferent so she doesn't seem very interesting to Eren. She's pretty, Eren supposes, but there are plenty of other pretty girls around them. Why would Armin choose Annie?

"Why don't you talk to her, Armin?"

Color rushes to his cheeks, his eyes darting to the ground. "I'm afraid to. She's intimidating."

Eren agrees. Annie's icy, blue eyes seem to root straight into people and freeze them to the core.

"What if I go with you? Would you talk to her then?"

Armin bites his lip. "I dunno."

"Annie is in my kickboxing class. I could mention your name, if you want," Mikasa offers.

Armin shakes his head. "No, no, it's fine. I'll just keep my distance."

"Come on Armin. Have some confidence." Eren squeezes his shoulder and wishes he could give Armin some of his self-assurance. Eren knows Armin is capable of so much more, if only he didn't hold himself back.

* * *

Going on a jog through downtown every night is routine for Eren. It was recommended that since he can't participate in school sports anymore, that he still get exercise to release endorphins in his brain…whatever that means. It's supposed to help lessen his anger or something. At first, he hated having to maintain any kind of routine in his schedule but soon, his evening jogs became something to look forward to. He likes exploring the different parts of downtown and he even gets so distracted sometimes that he loses track of time and he'll spend hours just wandering around.

There's a chill in the air so Eren is kept cool as he jogs. He turns down an old alley, passing by some old shops, when he sees a man take hold to a woman's arm. He jerks on her and she yelps.

"You're hurting me!"

Eren pauses.

"Shut up! We're leaving." He yanks her toward a car.

"Let go of me!" and she thrashes against him but he doesn't loosen his hold. "I said, let me go!"

Eren is there in a flash and involving himself in more trouble. "Hey Mister, she doesn't want to go with you, so let her be."

The man snaps in his direction. He's a tall man with uneven stubble across his chiseled jaw line. His eyes are small and beady and they lock on Eren, tapering with buzzing irritation. Tears streak the woman's face and her eyes are wide with fear.

"This ain't none of your damn business. Piss off."

Eren stands firm. "I'm not leaving until you let her go."

A heavy glare that fails to intimidate Eren contorts the man's face. "You talk tough for a little pussy. You askin' for a fight?"

Eren's hands clench into fists. "No, but if that's what you want, I won't complain."

The woman fanatically shakes her head. "No, just get out of here. It's okay. I'll be fine."

Eren ignores her as the muscles up his forearm twitch in anticipation. The man shoves the woman to the side. She's sent stumbling and knocks hard against the cemented curb. Instantly, Eren drops down beside her and gently takes her forearm.

"Are you okay?"

She nods as she pulls herself into a seated position.

Eren glares up at the man in disgust. "You asshole! You could've really hurt her."

The man shrugs and that pisses Eren off even more. "Fucking bitch deserves it."

Rage fuzzes over Eren's head and he's on his feet. He winds back a fist and uppercuts this guy. He falls back a step but he's big and Eren's punch didn't seem to make much impact. Eren punches him again but it does as much damage as the first. Then the man hits Eren across the jaw. He sprawls backward, his vision blackening for a second.

When he regains his balance, he wipes the blood from his split lip, and spits out a mouthful of blood, but he isn't given much time to recuperate. The guy quickly flings another fist. Eren ducks this time, swiftly missing large, grit knuckles, and knees him hard in the gut. His knee sinks into a soft, bloated belly and there's a groan. Suddenly Eren's feet are kicked out from under him. He grew overconfident and didn't expect the man to recover so quickly. The back of his head cracks against the concrete. _Dammit_. That hurt. The guy winds back a leg—he's going to kick him in the side.

"Unless you want to be arrested, you'll stop right there," comes a cool, composed voice.

The man freezes. "I-It's you," he stammers and he sounds fearful.

The woman rises to her feet and she's back at the guy's side. Eren doesn't understand. Didn't she want to get away from that asshole?

"Beating up on a kid? How pitiful can you get?"

The man and woman turn to flee. Even after fighting that guy for her, she runs off with him. Eren can't believe it. He will _never_ get women. Eren sighs and turns to face the person who interfered. First his eyes focus on a pair of boots, and then slowly, they make their way up black jeans, to crossed arms, and then a jaded, cold stare.

"You okay, kid?"

Eren stares up at this man, speechless. This is Officer Levi. This is his life's hero. Levi has light skin, and hair that's contrastingly dark but not quite black. His hair is shaved at the neck, but at the top it's longer and parted at the side, the tips falling into one of his droopy, silvery eyes. The features of his face are sharp and stern. Eren finds his appearance somewhat intimidating.

When Eren doesn't respond, Levi's brows furrow. "Did you get knocked over the head or something? You need a doctor?"

Eren unfreezes and he scrambles to his feet to approach Levi. "No, I'm fine. It's just that you're…" as Eren comes closer he realizes Levi is much shorter than he expected. Eren is quite a bit taller and Eren isn't really all that tall to begin with. "…my hero," he finally finishes, having to tilt his head downward to meet Levi's eye.

Levi has his arms folded over his chest as he stares up at Eren. "What the hell were you thinking? Taking on that pig yourself was a stupid stunt."

"I wasn't going to just wait around. That woman looked like she needed help."

Levi clicks his tongue against his teeth. "And look where she is now, right back at his side. Next time, use the brain inside that head of yours and think before you do something reckless."

Eren rubs the back of his head. "Yes sir."

"You're lucky I'm not actually on duty or I'd have to take you in for fighting."

Eren stares straight into Levi's eyes. They're sharp and pierce through Eren, and they're almost nostalgic—he feels like he's seen those eyes before and not just on a television screen.

"Have we met before now?"

Levi's small shoulders lurch with an unconcerned shrug. "Maybe we have, maybe we haven't. I don't care to remember faces."

Then Levi turns and starts walking away. Eren extends out a hand as if to make a grab for him but he's too far away so it hangs in the empty air.

"W-Wait, you're leaving?" he splutters. For some reason, the more the distance grows between them, the more intense the emptiness holes its way in Eren's chest and it's haunting.

Levi pauses and lazily glances over his shoulder at him. "I'm sure as hell not staying here."

"Where are you going?"

Levi turns face forward, away from Eren as he retorts, "I fail to see how that's any of your business." He's walking away again, but Eren chases after him and walks by his side.

Levi looks up with creased brows. "Kid, what's your problem? Go home."

"I would but my mother is probably pissed at me." He's been away from the house for too long. She definitely won't be happy, and the fact that he got into another fight will only make it worse.

"Isn't that even more of a reason to go home?"

Eren stuffs his hands into his pockets, eyes downcast, and shoulders dejectedly slumped over. "I'd rather deal with it later," he mumbles.

Levi scoffs. "Running from your problems is pathetic. And I'm not a babysitter, I have things to do."

"Like what?"

The sharp features of Levi's face are refined into a scowl. "You're a nosy little shit, you know that?"

Eren just shrugs and waits expectantly for an answer, but Levi doesn't offer one. Instead, he shoves a hand into his pocket and takes out a pack of cigarettes.

"You smoke?" Eren isn't all that surprised, but Levi seems too meticulous for something as unhealthy as smoking.

Levi picks out a cigarette and fumbles for a lighter in his other pocket before lighting it up with a palm cupped over the end. "No, I'm clearing my head," he mutters, the cigarette lodged between his teeth.

"Why isn't it clear?"

Levi exhales and a puff of smoke is unleashed. "I take that back. I smoke."

"You're just avoiding the question," Eren accuses.

Levi's eyes taper into an impatient glare. "You're walking a dangerous line, kid. If I were you, I'd go home. It isn't right letting your mother worry about you."

Eren sighs. He knows Levi is right. "Alright, alright. I'll leave you alone. Thanks for the help."

Levi doesn't respond, and Eren heads off. As Eren walks, he turns over his shoulder to look at Levi one last time, but he's already gone, and the only evidence that he was ever even there are the glowing embers of a neglected cigarette on the asphalt.


	2. Chapter 2: Orders to Follow

um...so this is my second account on here. This account is intended for stories that I want to write but I'm not confident in the concept. And this is one of those stories. I'm shocked people are following it...

And if my writing seems familiar or something you might've read a story I posted under my other account. My writing style is exactly the same for this story... heh. Just warning anyone who might think I'm copying someone else by some of the things I say...

* * *

There's a pit of dread in Eren's stomach as he approaches the front door. His mom is going to _kill_ him. He's surprised that she hadn't blown up his phone with frantic, angry phone calls. Actually, it's really weird that she hadn't called him even once while he was gone… and why are the lights in the house off? He takes out his key and he's about to unlock the door when he hears a crash from inside. He twists the knob, and his stomach drops when he realizes it's already unlocked. This isn't good.

He bursts inside. There are a group of unfamiliar men surrounding his mom. When the door opens, his mom snaps in his direction with icy terror etched into every feature of her face.

"Eren!" she cries. "Get out of here!"

One of the men grabs her arm and twists it behind her back. "Tell us where it is! NOW!"

She glares up at him. "Never!"

Her arm is bent until it cracks. She screams out.

"Mom!"

Eren charges in but before he can even wind back a fist, he's grappled and two men keep him still. He thrashes and jerks against their holds, profanities and angry promises lashing from his tongue. His heart feels like it'll break out of him from how hard it rages inside his chest. If these men don't keep their hands off his mother, he'll kill them!

"Tell us where it is and we won't hurt you or your son."

His mom's arm hangs shattered at her side, her eyes are red and glassy, but her glare doesn't ease. There is no fear in her eyes. "I told you, there's no way I'm telling you anything."

The man growls in frustration. He seems to believe her. "Fine." He holds a pistol aimed at her face.

Eren sucks in a sharp breath and ice water rushes through his veins. "Don't shoot!" he shrieks.

His mom turns to look at him. "Eren, you're strong so don't stop fighting, okay? Always keep fighting," and she sounds completely calm and composed even though there's a gun glaring her in the side of the face.

What? Eren's eyes widen. No… "Mom!"

The trigger is pulled and a gunshot breaks.

…This is just a dream. No… it's a fucking nightmare. He's just fallen asleep during lunch hour again. He'll wake up any second. This can't be real.

His mom falls and everything turns slow. Eren's own breath and heartbeat reverberate piercingly off the walls of his cranium as he watches with wide eyes. It takes minutes, or maybe even hours for her body to finally hit the floor. And when she finally crashes against the wooden floorboards, there's a deafening thud that pierces Eren's ears louder than any gunshot.

Dark, red blood pools around her head that lies face down, hair splayed around her like wisps of chestnut threads quickly turning crimson. Her shattered arm is twisted unnaturally behind her back, and she's a motionless crumpled heap. Eren's knees fail. All of his strength is gone. The rough grips on his arms keep him suspended in the air.

Then the volatile black wrath that everyone is always trying to get him to control swells to the surface inside him.

"I'll fucking kill every single one of you," he snarls. It's not a threat. It's a promise.

The men laugh and they shove Eren into a chair. He wriggles and struggles to get away but these men are much stronger than he is. His wrists are bound behind him, his ankles tied to the legs of the chair.

"This won't be the last you see of us. This is only the beginning. If your father cooperates, you may just survive." A coarse palm pats his cheek as if to comfort him.

Eren can't wait to see these fuckers again, and next time, he'll slaughter them all. He'll enjoy ripping them apart piece by piece.

An unforgiving hateful glare distorts Eren's face. Every line and every crack in his features is blackened beyond recognition, and the look on his face is so inhuman and disturbing that they all hesitate. Sweat beads at their hairlines and a chill slides up their spines—it's clear that this kid's intention to kill is very much real. At long last, they come to their senses. A fist comes slamming across Eren's temple and everything goes black.

Eren's jaw aches and his head throbs and the tang of rust still tinges his tongue.

"…Do you hate me now?"

Eren turns to the person that sits next to him and he meets sharp, silvery eyes. Eren shakes his head.

"Ah…no. You had to make it believable right? I understand." It still hurt but he doesn't resent this person. This person saved him from that crowd of people who looked at him like he was some sort of monster. He's grateful to this person, if only he can remember who this person is…

"You could've held back some. You knocked out his tooth," Hanji remarks.

Doctor Hanji? What is she doing here?

Eren feels the person sitting next to him shrug. "I'm sure losing a tooth beats getting dissected any day."

Eren agrees. Losing a tooth is much better than being dissected…but why was he going to be dissected? He turns to ask this person who saved him why they were going to do that, but there's nobody there. He's all alone…

"…Kid…Hey, Kid. Wake up."

Eren groans. His head pulsates with a piercing ache and his skull feels heavy on his shoulders. He groans again.

"He needs a medic."

Eren's eyes crack open and he's face-to-face with strangely familiar, silvery eyes.

"Officer Levi?" he cracks. His voice is hoarse and it scratches his throat. Eren rubs at his aching temple and hisses. It feels like there's a balloon swelling inside his head—his skull is going to rupture at any second.

"What happened?"

Images and faces flash through Eren's mind. Then that uncontrollable fury rages within him again. He bounds to his feet with fists clenched tightly. "I'm gonna kill them all!" he snarls, and he sounds more animalistic than human. He bolts to the door, but before he can make it outside, a viselike grip on his arm yanks him back.

"Hold it, you don't even know where those pigs went off to."

Eren jerks in an attempt to free himself, but Levi's hold is steadfast.

"Let me go! They'll all pay!"

He keeps thrashing and pulling until finally, Levi slams him against the wall. Eren groans. That really didn't help the state of his head.

"Calm down," Levi growls. "I told you to think before you go and do something reckless." And his sharp eyes root straight into Eren, immobilizing him.

Eren's entire body heaves with his heavy breathing and angry, frustrated tears tug in the backs of his eye sockets.

"I can't just do nothing," he rasps.

Levi's composed, cool stare doesn't waver. "For now, that's exactly what you'll do."

Eren glares, his entire body trembling with rage, but Levi's stoic attitude remains. His eyes are merciless as they bore into Eren and they suck away all the rage. He's left empty on the inside.

There's nothing Eren can do… He slumps against the wall in defeat, collapsing to the floor and harshly scraping his backbone against the plaster. His face falls into his hands. He claws at the sides of his face as if he could scrape out what happened from his mind. There's nothing he can do and he's never felt so helpless before.

Levi crouches in front of him. "I swear to you, we'll find those pigs." And when Eren doesn't respond Levi commands in a low stern voice, "Look at me."

Reluctantly, Eren meets Levi's tapered eyes. They're hard and determined—these eyes…he swears he's seen them before. They fill Eren's chest with a familiar warmth, and he doesn't have the ability to doubt these eyes.

"You can trust me, Eren."

A jolt is sent through Eren. "Wait… how do you know my name?"

There's an almost imperceptible flash across Levi's face, but somehow, Eren manages to catch it, though he doesn't know what it could possibly mean.

"It's my job to know the names of victims."

Eren looks at him for a moment, his mind clouded over. Something about Levi makes his mind hazy. "I thought you were off duty."

Levi's eyes shift to the side. "I'm never really off duty," he mutters.

"Oh…"

They're quiet for a moment before Levi rises to his feet. He stands over Eren with his arms folded over his chest as he says, "Petra. Take Eren to the station. This isn't your typical murder case. It was organized crime. There's a goal behind it and we need to figure out what they want."

A small pretty woman with amber hair and kind, honey eyes appears. She offers Eren a warm smile. "Yes sir."

Eren slowly climbs to a stand. The ambulance already has his mother set on a stretcher enclosed by a bag. He can't watch as they pass by. The back of his fist slams into the wall behind him, and bits of his flesh scour away. His knees shake and he can't stand anymore. But before he can fall, Levi is there, securing Eren's arm around his small shoulders, and somehow keeping him on his feet.

"Let's go." He leads Eren out the door.

Eren's voice is breathless and brittle as he mumbles, "The only thing I kept thinking was— if only I had listened to you and returned home sooner, I could've saved her. If only I hadn't run from my problems." This is his fault… His mother's death is his fault…

"You don't know that. You can never know the outcome of the choices you make."

"The choice I made was a wrong one."

Petra opens the door to the chic, black police car, and Levi helps Eren inside. Once he's settled with the belt strapped across his chest, Levi remains with his head just inside the car.

"…Eren."

Eren's ears perk. His name coming off Levi's tongue sounds… He meets Levi's eyes, and those eyes aren't warm or friendly but they aren't unkind either.

"I'll find those pigs." He shuts the door, and Eren watches out the window as Levi disappears back into the house.

"Ready, Eren?"

He turns to Petra. "As ready as I'll ever be."

* * *

"Eren!" Long arms fling around him and hold him.

Eren is shocked. "Doctor Hanji? What are you doing here?"

Hanji's arms fall slack at her sides and she takes the seat next to him. "I work for the police. They call me in to speak with victims before they're debriefed as a safety procedure."

"Oh."

Her eyes are glassy as she looks at him. She looks like she's about to cry. "How are you dealing?"

Eren shrugs. "Fine, I guess. I just don't know what's going to happen now."

Hanji takes his hand between her warm palms. "Don't worry, I promise we'll figure things out."

The door to the interrogation room opens and a man enters. He's tall with steel in his hardened eyes and a jaw strongly defined. The authoritative air about him intimidates Eren a bit.

"Hello, Eren Jaeger. I'm Erwin Smith, the chief of the police force here." He extends a calloused hand, and Eren shakes it.

"Hello…"

Erwin sits at the other side of the interrogation table, folding his hands under his chin. First, he addresses Hanji. "Is his condition stable enough for questioning?"

"I believe so."

After receiving this acceptable answer, Erwin regards Eren. "I know what you've just been through is traumatic and if you need time, I understand."

"No, I want you guys to catch those bastards as soon as possible."

"I understand. Do you know why those men attacked your mother?"

"They said something about my father, and they were looking for something but I don't know what."

Erwin takes out a fat file of some kind. It has his father's name on it, and it's thick with papers in triplicates spilling out. Erwin's steel eyes scan over it as he speaks. "Your father is a scientist working in developing biological warfare weaponry. It's safe to assume they were looking for some kind of secret he holds."

Eren swallows nervously. His fingers rise to his neck where a key hangs at his throat.

Erwin eyes him. "What is that?"

"It's the key to my father's lab…"

Erwin's eyes widen a fraction in surprise. "He gave that to you?"

Eren nods and slips it back under his shirt, shielding it from sight. "He gave it to me when I was a kid."

Erwin closes the file with a snap. "This changes things. You need to be kept safe. Those men will target you again, and if they find out you have this key, that'll be more than problematic. You'll need to be protected twenty-four seven."

"What are you saying?"

"One of our officers will keep you hidden. You'll stay in one of their homes."

Eren stiffens. He doesn't like the thought of staying in a complete stranger's home, and he really doesn't like the thought of being a burden on anyone. "I…don't want to be a bother."

"It's in their job description. Follow me."

Erwin rises, and Eren follows him out of the room but Hanji doesn't. And Eren wants her to be with him— she's the only person here that he's familiar with. His eyes linger on her as he walks farther away from her.

They go through a corridor into a room with countless offices. Inside, men and women in uniforms are chatting and working. When they see Erwin they all fall silent.

"I need the special operations squad to meet me in the conference room," he announces.

A small group of people appears, and Petra is among this crowd.

"What is it, Chief?" a tall man with a blonde ponytail asks.

"I'll brief you in a moment."

Once they're situated in a soundproof room, Erwin begins. "Eren, meet Eld, Oluo, Gunther, and Petra."

Eren's eyes move from face to face of the people sitting along the table. They all give welcoming smiles.

"This is our special operations squad, they only take on our most important cases. There's one other man missing but I'm sure he'll be here soon."

Erwin speaks to the squad. "Eren Jaeger will have to be put under the custody of one of you."

Petra immediately pipes in. "I'd be glad to take him in."

Eren relaxes. Petra seems nice, and he feels comfortable enough around her.

"How do you feel about that, Eren? Will you be okay living with Petra for a while?"

Eren is quiet while he considers this. It's not that he doesn't like Petra, but he would feel strange staying with someone he just met. "I—"

The door opening cuts him off and they all turn.

"Levi," Erwin welcomes.

Levi strides in and he sits next to Erwin with an arm draped lazily over the chair, eyes diverted to the side at nothing in particular. "I couldn't find those bastards after all."

"You'll find them, you always do," Eld says.

"Petra has just agreed to let Eren stay with her until we find the men who targeted Mrs. Jaeger," Erwin informs him.

"So one of us will have to guard him until they're caught."

"That's right. So what do you think, Eren?"

Eren stiffens as all of their eyes land on him. "I don't mind staying with Petra but…" Eren glances up at Levi, but he's the only person not looking at him. His eyes are still fixed on nothing.

Erwin notices Eren's shift in focus. "Would you prefer to stay with Levi?"

Instantly, Levi's head snaps toward Erwin. "No. He's not staying with me."

Erwin's lips press into a tight line as he deliberates over this. "Actually, I think that's the best option. You're our finest officer, and Eren needs the best protection. He's our utmost priority."

Levi's eyes narrow. "I said no."

Eren cuts in. "It's okay! I can stay with Petra. I don't mind." But he's ignored.

"Levi. You're going to protect Eren. That's an order," Erwin is resolute.

Levi's teeth clench tight and he rises to his feet. "Erwin," his tone is biting. "My job is to lock up criminals, not babysit brats."

"Your job is to protect this city's citizens."

Levi glares threateningly at Erwin for a long time. The look on his face is severe and harsh, and Eren squirms internally, but Erwin meets his stare without showing any cracks.

"Everyone leave us for a second," Levi commands.

The rest of the special operations squad stand and file out. Petra squeezes Eren's shoulder in a gesture for him to follow.

"Come on, Eren. They just need to talk it out."

Eren feels guilty. He doesn't want Erwin to force Levi to guard him. That's unfair to Levi. "I don't mind staying with you. Officer Levi doesn't need to take care of me if he doesn't want to."

Petra smiles. "Don't worry. They'll work out everything."

When they leave, Eren leans against the wall just outside the door. The rest of the special operations squad return to their offices and he's left alone. The door is opened a slit and Eren can still hear their voices inside. He leans a little closer to listen in on what they're saying.

"Erwin, don't force that brat on me," comes Levi's firm voice. "I don't want him anywhere near me."

Those words hit Eren like a physical blow, and it's painful. Why does it sound like Levi hates him? He doesn't even know Eren. How can he dislike him so much?

"It's the best option. You're the only one I trust to protect him."

"No."

"You _will_," Erwin drawls out with his superior authority.

There's a loud crash that makes Eren jump. Levi is really angry…

"If he's around me, I don't know what will happen."

The more Eren hears, the more disappointed he becomes. His life's hero is turning out to be a real asshole.

"I think you know very well what will happen."

There's a short pause but something has changed in the atmosphere.

"Then don't do this." The anger from Levi's tone is gone. He sounds almost pleading now.

He hates Eren so much that he'll beg to keep Eren away from him?

"Levi…"

Eren can't take anymore. He's pissed off and bursts into the room. Both Levi and Erwin whirl in his direction.

Eren frowns at Levi. "Why do you hate me so much?"

Levi wears an unreadable deadpan. He's silent, just staring at Eren. At last, he speaks. "That's not it." He sighs and his eyes harden. "But if I take you in, you have to give me space, and you have to listen to what I say, understand? And I'm not going to act as a replacement parent for you. I'm your guard, nothing more." And he sounds just as cold as the deadpan fixed to his face.

Eren nods. "I get it."

* * *

Levi's apartment is pretty nice. It's pristinely clean and there isn't much stuff on the inside. There aren't any pictures or decorations. It's plain and a little lonely. Eren wonders if Levi has any family or if his job is the only thing he has.

There's a single bedroom, a single bathroom, and a living area. Eren lies on the futon in the living area. It isn't uncomfortable, but he misses his own bed and he misses his mother… He curls up on his side and he lets the tears fall. He'd kept them all back for too long, and now it's like opening a floodgate. He can't control the sobs that shake through him, but he tries to muffle them as best he can into a pillow. The pillow soaks up his tears and probably his snot too, while he tugs the blankets high over his head.

His body feels like it's being crushed by the emptiness inside him. He thinks he can feel his ribs crunch into his lungs and his heart tear. It's too much. His arm runs under his nose and over his eyes, wiping away the seeped out tears and snot before he props himself on his elbows. He reaches over to his bag that sits beside the futon. He fumbles through it, and his fingers enclose around an unfortunately familiar bottle. If these pills can numb his anger…maybe they can numb the other feelings too.

He pops in a few and dry swallows them. They scratch his throat unpleasantly, and he lies back down. All he wants is to forget for a while. His eyes fall shut. Sleeping has been his recent fear, but in this moment, all he wants is to sleep and to dream. He wants to see that person again. He aches to see that person. That person is the only thing that can fill that gaping hole in his chest, and right now, that hole is about to swallow him up. His thoughts fade and his pain is temporarily forgotten…

"Eren…"

He feels something tickle his scalp, and he looks up. The person is here and fingers gently run through Eren's hair. Eren smiles and his arms wrap around a small body.

"You're here." He's so happy that he could cry.

Strong arms wind around Eren's neck and hold him close. These arms are so familiar and they erase all of Eren's pain. He never wants these arms to let him go.

"I may be cold but I'm not heartless."

Eren presses his lips against the side of a neck, and he feels the body swell with a deep breath beneath his arms. Eren breathes in a familiar soapy, clean scent coming from this person and his eyes fall shut in contentment.

"Don't leave me," Eren whispers. As long as this person is here with him, he'll be okay. He needs this person to always be by his side even if it's only in his dreams.

The arms unravel from around Eren, and a scarred finger tucks under Eren's chin. His eyes are pulled to a silvery gaze.

The voice is quiet and maybe a little broken. "Don't remember me."

"But…" He wants to remember. He'll do anything to remember. Eren tilts closer and presses his mouth against warm lips that make his heart ache.

"Wake up. I made breakfast."

"…Hmm?" Eren sits up.

Levi is in the kitchen with a cloth tied around his hair and an apron strung around his waist. Eren almost bursts into laughter. Levi looks more like a housewife than his own mother ever did. The smells of freshly cooked food waft in the air, and his mouth waters as a physiological response. He hops out of bed and his feet lead him to the kitchen. He hadn't realized but yesterday, he hadn't eaten much at all and now he's paying for it. He's starving.

"What did you make?" Eren looks over Levi's shoulder and can just barely make out the shape of eggs burnt into black char and some kind of meat that may have been bacon at one time.

"Umm…" How has Levi survived this long? If this is the way he eats on a daily basis, he's lucky he hasn't died from food poisoning. "Do you want me to cook next time?"

"Why? Think I can't cook?" he demands. "Be grateful I'm even feeding you, you little shit."

Eren chuckles and he surprises himself with it. It feels nice to laugh. The pressure in his chest eases a little. "Thank you."

Levi hands him the plate and Eren picks at the inedible food. It doesn't taste much better than it looks, but he's touched Levi would go through the trouble of making him breakfast. After he washes it down with a much better tasting glass of orange juice, he sticks the dish in the dishwasher.

"Wait, take that out. I hand wash my dishes."

Eren's brows furrow. "The dishwasher is just as good as hand washing, probably even better." And it's less work for Eren.

"You live in my place now, so you have to follow my rules."

Eren sighs, grudgingly giving in. "Okay. I'll wash them." He turns on the faucet, takes the sponge placed strategically at the head of the sink, and he starts to scrub at them, but Levi interrupts again.

"You're doing it wrong." Levi slips on the yellow dish gloves dangling near Eren's head, and snatches the sponge from Eren's hand.

"You have to scrub them clockwise first and then counterclockwise for good measure."

Eren snorts. "You're really precise with your cleaning…"

"Don't complain."

"I'm not."

Levi finishes and dries them off before going to put them away. He stretches to the tips of his toes, reaching to a cabinet that's a little high for him. Eren easily reaches over and pulls it open.

"…I had it," Levi grumbles.

Eren grins, takes the dish from out of his hand, and places it inside. "I know."

Levi is cornered between the counter and Eren, and for some reason, Eren is becoming increasingly aware of this. His face is so close to the back of Levi's head that he can smell the soapy, clean scent coming from his hair. Why is that scent nostalgic…? He tilts a little closer and breathes it in. Something pricks in his murky mind, but before he has a chance to see it clearly, it's gone.

Levi turns to face Eren and looks up. "I would tell you that you don't need to go to school for a few days to give you time to adjust, but the safest place for you right now is school."

Eren steps back. "Right. I'll get ready."

He searches through his bag for his clothes, and picks out a sweater and jeans. His shirt is peeled over his head, and Eren stuffs it back into his bag. The hairs on the nape of his neck stand on end— the feeling of eyes watching him. He glances over his shoulder. Levi's sharp eyes are on him and then they hastily dart away.

"You can use the bathroom to dress, you know."

"Right…"

As soon as Eren is dressed and they're about to head out the door, Eren snatches his bag then hurries after Levi, but he didn't realize his bag was unzipped. All of his papers and pens spill out, littering the floor.

"Dammit." He drops down and quickly picks up his stuff.

Another pair of hands appears, and Eren glances up at Levi. He helps pick up Eren's books and then he abruptly pauses. He fingers the orange bottle that has fallen out and rolls it over in his hands.

"What is this? Meds?" Then his eyes flick to Eren. "You crazy or something?"

"No!" Eren snaps. "I just have a little bit of an anger issue, that's all."

"Should I be worried that you'll suddenly flip shit on me?"

Eren scowls. Maybe Levi really is just an asshole. Eren snatches the bottle from out of his hand and stuffs it into his bag.

"Let's go," Eren growls. He stands and heads to the door, but Levi is still in a crouch even after Eren opens it.

There's a distant look in Levi's eye. He slowly rises to his feet then passes Eren by.

* * *

Eren really wishes they would stop staring at him. And the pity in their eyes only makes him angry. He gets it. They feel bad for him and they want to be there for him, but all he wants is for everything to go back to normal, to how things were before. Even Jean is being nice to him, and all he wants is for Jean to be the asshole that pisses him off each day.

Eventually, he escapes from them all and spends lunch hour alone. He lies down underneath a tree in the courtyard. Even the sky seems to pity him—it's overcast and gray. It looks like it'll cry for him. Eren sighs, his eyelids slipping shut. Dreaming is better than facing the real world…

This time, Eren is riding a horse and he's fleeing from something or someone. He's afraid but he's not scared for his own life. He's afraid for the lives around him. These people that are riding alongside him— he can save them all, he knows that he can. His hand rises to his mouth and he's about to bite down.

"Eren! Please, trust us!"

Eren hesitates. Trust them? He looks over and meets honey colored eyes. This woman is pleading with him. She doesn't want him to bite down on his hand. And this woman…isn't she Officer Petra? Then another voice breaks in and it comes from in front of Eren. This voice is calm and collected, and Eren hangs on to each word like a lifeline.

"You're not wrong. Relying on your own strength or relying on your comrades, I could never advise you on something like that. We make the choices that we think we'll regret the least."

Those words, that voice…they're familiar, and Eren aches to see this person's face, but the person is in front of him, and all he can see is the back of a head with dark hair.

Eren doesn't have the ability to doubt this person because this person takes away that agonizing pressure in his chest. "I'll trust you." _Even though I don't know who you are…_

Something hits Eren's face and his eyes crack open. Another drop of water lands on his cheek. It's starting to rain. What time is it? He fumbles for his phone. Shit! He overslept. Classes have already started. He'll be given a detention slip for sure.

When he slinks into study hall, the teacher looks up at him with a frown. "Where have you been until now, Jaeger?"

Eren scratches the back of his head. "I fell asleep in the courtyard."

The teacher's frown deepens. Yeah, Eren will definitely get a detention for this.

"I'll let you off the hook this time, but don't let it happen again."

Eren is shocked. Teachers never bypass punishments. Then Eren sees it. There's pity in the teacher's eyes. His teeth clench. Even the teacher feels sorry for Eren. He has to bite back the anger teeming inside him, and sits down in his seat. He glares indignantly at the wall. He just wants to go home…

But he can't even do that. He has to go back to Levi's place. His life is turning to Hell because of those bastards. They'll pay for ever messing with Eren and his family. He'll make sure of it.

* * *

Armin and Mikasa are walking alongside him. School is finally over, and they're quietly chatting about something but Eren isn't listening. He's lost in his own head.

"…What about you, Eren?"

Eren's attention is brought back to reality and he looks at Mikasa. "Sorry, what'd you say?"

"Are you going to homecoming?"

Eren groans. "That's this weekend isn't it…?"

Mikasa and Armin nod.

"Do you have a date, Armin? Did you ask Annie?"

Armin fanatically shakes his head from side to side, and color rushes to his face. "N-No! I just want to go with you guys."

Eren smirks. "You're just scared."

Armin bites his lip and doesn't deny it.

"I could ask her for you," Eren offers.

Armin shakes his head again. "No, it's okay."

"You're really frustrating me. One of these days, I'm just gonna talk to her without your permission."

Armin's pale-blue eyes widen until Eren thinks they'll bug right out of his skull. "What? Please don't do that!"

Eren sighs. "Fine. I just wish you'd go for it…"

They fall to silence as they walk along the street, and Eren can feel the tension around them. Mikasa and Armin obviously have questions for him but they're too afraid to ask. Besides, Eren isn't ready to talk about it yet. He might not ever be ready to talk about it. Talking makes it real. A car pulls up beside them, and they stop walking. The door swings open and Levi sits in the driver's seat.

"Get in."

Eren turns to Armin and Mikasa. Armin looks shocked while Mikasa's eyes are narrowed slightly in an expression he doesn't understand.

"See you guys later. I'll let you know if I'm going." Then he steps inside and shuts the door.

Levi drives off and it's utterly silent. It weighs heavily on Eren. It's a little uncomfortable for him. Levi and Eren are complete strangers who, from now on, will be spending a lot of time together. Eren knows Levi doesn't want to get to know one another on a personal basis, but if they don't, won't the discomfort continue?

At last, the silence is broken, and surprisingly Levi is the one to break it. "Where are you going?" he questions. He doesn't sound particularly interested but maybe the silence was awkward for him too.

"Homecoming is this weekend." Then Eren wonders if he'll even be allowed to go. Will it be unsafe?

Levi's expression darkens. "You're shitting me."

Why does Levi sound annoyed? "Hmm? No, the dance is Saturday night."

"Tch. So much for my Saturday night. I'll have to fucking patrol you brats."

Eren withholds a chuckle. "What? Watching teenagers isn't your idea of a Saturday night well spent?"

Levi scoffs. "In my opinion, school dances are just conspiracies the school pulls to suck your wallets clean."

Eren laughs out loud. "You're probably right but that doesn't lessen the hype."

The car comes to a stop and Levi turns the key. Eren is surprised. They aren't at Levi's apartment— they're outside Doctor Hanji's office. He faces Levi.

"What are we doing here?"

Levi doesn't look at him as he replies. "You'll be attending therapy every day for a while."

Eren sucks in a breath. "Every day? But I don't need that." Eren isn't crazy and he's not falling apart. He's fine. He doesn't need therapy, or help, or least of all, pity.

"You don't have a choice. It's regulation." Then Levi opens the door and slides out.

Eren heaves a sigh before doing the same, and together, they enter Hanji's office. When they step inside, Hanji's eyes brighten behind the lenses of her glasses.

"Hey, you old clean freak!" she greets, a smile stretched from ear-to-ear.

"Damn four eyes," Levi mutters.

Eren's eyes shift between the two. "You know each other?"

Hanji smiles. "Oh yeah, our friendship goes waaaaay back."

Levi clicks his tongue against his teeth. "Friendship? I don't recall ever agreeing to be friends with you."

"I'm feeling the love, Levi." Hanji turns to Eren with an unoffended sparkle in her eye. "Don't let his cold attitude fool you. He only says mean things because he cares."

Levi turns a cheek. "Just get this session over with so we can leave."

"Okay, okay. Let's get to it then, Eren."

Eren follows Hanji to the room that he's all too familiar with. He sits down on the sofa chair he's become more acquainted with than he ever wanted to be, and leans back with his elbow propped on the armrest like he always does.

"Whatcha wanna talk about today?"

Eren pauses. He's surprised Hanji isn't going to drill him with questions about his mother and how he's dealing with her death. "Um. Can we talk about those dreams I've been having?"

"Of course! Have you been having more of them?"

Eren nods and his brows furrow as he tries to remember them. This time there are flickers of images and glimpses of faces. "That person in my dreams…I think it's a man."

Hanji purses her lips. "A man? What does he look like?"

Eren shrugs. "Dunno. I can't remember him at all. The person is really strong though, that's why I'm thinking he's a man." What kind of woman could kick him around with enough force to tear his tooth right out of his gum-line?

"And do you know if he's a friend or not?"

"I'm pretty sure he's a friend." Eren might not remember his dreams after he wakes up, but he does remember how his heart feels during the dreams, and his heart feels more complete when he's sleeping than it does when he's awake. And it has to be because of that man. There's no other possible reason for it.

"Is there anything else you remember?"

"No… " Eren is silent for a moment as he thinks, and when he continues his voice is quiet, "...but since my mother died, the dreams have been clearer. And when I see him the hole in my chest is filled but at the same time, it's painful. I don't know why but it hurts every time I see him…"

"It hurts you?"

Eren nods. "The ache in my heart is intensified. It's almost unbearable but I don't want him to leave. Even though it hurts to have him near me, I want him to stay. I _need_ him to stay."

Hanji turns quiet and writes down something on a notepad. Then her eyes shift back to him. "Eren, you're a strong young man and you continue to impress me day by day."

She adjusts her glasses, and her intrusive eyes bore into him as if searching for any cracks or faults as she asks, "Have you been taking your medication?"

"…Yeah." He takes the medication like he's supposed to, but he really wishes he didn't have to.

"Good. I know you won't like this but I'm going to increase your dose by one milligram. It's not because I think you have any issues or because I think you're crazy…" she shoots him a reassuring smile, "…it's to help you deal with your current situation."

Eren sighs. "You know what's best." He's not going to object or fight with her. He doesn't care anymore. If she wants to numb him until he's nothing but a zombie, he'll be okay with that.

"I've written your prescription. Take it to the pharmacy and they'll get ya all set up, m'kay?"

Eren takes the slip from her and stuffs it into his pocket as they leave the room together. He doesn't want Levi to see his new prescription. He'll just be an asshole about it.

When they make it to the waiting room, Levi is propped against the wall, eyes focused on nothing in particular, and face schooled into an impassive mask. Eren passes him in the direction of the door. Levi pushes off the wall to follow him out, but a hand on his shoulder stops him.

"Can I speak with you for a moment?" Hanji asks in a low voice.

Eren eyes them curiously.

"Alone," she adds.

Levi sighs and addresses Eren. "Wait in the car, I'll be there in a minute." And he tosses him the keys.

Eren catches them, the curiosity blazing in his eyes peaking. But eventually, he does as he's told and gives them privacy.

Levi halfheartedly meets Hanji's eye. "What do you want?"

"Are you okay being around him like this?"

Levi scoffs. "It's not like I have a choice. I have orders to follow."

Hanji's mouth presses into a hard line and she bends down to his level. Her eyes burn into his as she says the one thing he fears the most, "He's starting to remember, Levi."

He stiffens, his jaw muscles flexing as his teeth gnash together. "No. I'll make sure he never remembers."

Hanji grimaces. "But why? You still—"

Levi's eyes are sharp on her as he cuts her off. "This time will be different. Eren won't suffer like he did before."

Hanji takes hold of Levi's shoulder and her eyes are affectionate with an entire lifetime of memories and comradeship. But they're also heartbreakingly sad for him. "But _you're_ suffering."

Levi steps from out of Hanji's hold. His eyes are hard and they're stained with an agony that runs so deep it should cripple him. "…I never want him to remember something like that."

She sighs. "Levi… I know you don't agree, but you deserve happiness too."

There's no response. He turns and leaves without sparing another glance her way. His hand is shoved into his pocket, searching for the fix that will calm his fraying heart, and when he finds it, he lights up and takes in a mind-numbingly long drag.


	3. Chapter 3: Remaining Damaged

Hey, thanks for all the reviews. They meant a lot to me since I wasn't confident in the concept of this story. When I thought up this story, I was having a really hard time so that probably shows. And if any of you have ever had to deal with medication and therapy in real life, I can empathize. It's tough but you're not alone.

* * *

Sweat beads at Eren's hairline then trickles down the sides of his face as he concentrates and moves forward. His fingers curl around sharp hipbones, and he grips onto them for more leverage as he reaches further inside. It's searing hot and a little tight as he moves in. Eren's breath comes out shallow and short, his heart pounding inside his chest, and his entire body is tense. His hands move up further, his fingertips pressing into the ridges of a ribcage and they swell and collapse with a deep breath.

"…Eren."

That throaty voice… it sends pleasant tremors down Eren's spine. Eren moves forward again and he's gratified with a breathless moan. All Eren can see is a small, pale back littered with scars and strange blackened marks, a rutted spinal column running up to a slender neck, and then the back of a head with dark, thick hair. Eren stops moving.

"Hey! Don't stop," a voice snaps.

But Eren remains still and he stares at the back of the head. "Who are you?"

There's an irritated click of a tongue. "Tch, don't tell me you've forgotten me so easily."

Eren bends low and presses his lips against a protruded shoulder blade. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," he murmurs into fair skin, and his own warm breath reflects back at him.

There's a defeated sigh. "It's better this way."

But Eren wants to remember. He feels like a part of himself is missing and the only way to find it, is to remember who this person is. He won't be okay until he can remember. "I need to remember though."

It's silent as the person deliberately twists around to face Eren, but Eren can't comprehend what this person's face looks like. It's as if his mind won't let him see past those silvery, sharp eyes that he knows he should recognize.

"Close your eyes."

Eren doesn't want to close his eyes. He wants to see this person's face and he can't do that if his eyes aren't open. "I need to see your face."

"Trust me. Just do it."

And he reluctantly does as he's told. There's a coarse palm on his cheek and Eren leans into the touch. He's pulled into a deep kiss. With his eyes shut, all of his other senses are suddenly sharpened. He can smell a soapy, clean scent; he can hear slow, steady breathing; he can taste the spice of this person's tongue; and he can feel the slight dryness of the lips against his.

He devours these lips, and his arms wrap around this person, fingers entangling in short, silky hair. One hand travels down lower to a lean but muscular neck, then lower to sharp shoulder blades, and then his fingertips trace down a backbone. The person feels small but hard and unbreakable. This person fits perfectly in his arms. The kiss is broken. Eren starts to open his eyes but a hand covers them. He feels hot breath ghost the tip of his ear and then there's a low, commanding murmur.

"Don't remember me, Eren. And that's an order."

"Wait!" Eren shoots up straight, chest heaving and sweat pouring down his face.

He hunches over, rubbing at his temple. There's a stabbing pain in his head. He groans. A light is switched on, and the sudden brightness burns Eren's eyes.

"Yo brat, what's with the shouting? You woke me up."

Eren squints through the light and sees the outline of Levi standing in the hall, watching him. His hair is messy, and his clothes are rumpled, and his eyes are still a little hazy from sleep.

"Sorry… it was only a dream."

Levi makes his way over to him. He comes to a stand beside the futon with crossed arms. He stares down at Eren and the corner of his mouth pulls low. "You look like shit. Was it a nightmare?"

Eren avoids Levi's eye. Eren's body feels uncomfortably hot. This state that he's in couldn't possibly have been from a nightmare. He tugs the blankets higher around his waist and prays Levi doesn't notice.

"I'm fine. Sorry for waking you up."

"It's about time for me to get ready anyway." He turns and he's about to disappear into the hall, but before he does, he looks at Eren.

"What were you shouting when you woke up?"

Eren shrugs. "I don't know. I can't remember."

"Good, then."

What? Eren's eyes linger after Levi's retreating back. Good? That didn't make sense. Eren lies back down with an arm folded behind his head as he tries to fall back asleep for a little longer.

* * *

Mikasa and Armin won't let Eren out of their sights. Everyone knows about his mother's murder case—it was printed in the news the day after it happened, but his friends still don't know the details, and Eren knows he can't keep delaying the inevitable. He's going to have to talk to them about what happened.

During lunch hour they steal to the courtyard. Armin and Mikasa are quiet, sitting next to him. They don't even touch their lunches while they stare. Eren takes in a deep breath and mindlessly picks at blades of grass between his fingers as he goes off on a long explanation of his situation to them. When he's finished they still have questions, but at least they aren't afraid to ask them anymore.

"So you're staying with Officer Levi?" Armin asks. "What about your father?"

"He disappeared the night my mother was killed and no one has seen him since."

"I'm sure he's okay. He's probably in hiding."

Eren hopes Armin is right. If Eren loses his father too, he doesn't know what he'll do.

"What's it like living with Officer Levi?" Mikasa questions.

Eren shrugs. "I dunno. It's weird but it's not as weird as I thought it'd be. But I still miss my own home."

And the more Eren is around Levi, the more his awareness of the ache he feels in his chest grows. Being around Levi is a little painful and he's not sure why. Maybe it's because Levi is cold, and his mother was so kind… It just makes him miss her more and more.

Mikasa takes Eren's hand. "You don't have to shoulder everything yourself, Eren. Armin and I are here too."

Eren swallows down the lump in his throat. Talking to Mikasa and Armin about his mother has resurfaced all that pain he felt the first night. Pressure builds behind his eyes.

Mikasa's arms are around him and she holds him. Then Armin's arms curl around him too, and they sit there like that for who knows how long. Eren takes in a deep breath, his teeth grit tight. Black fury boils his blood again and runs through his veins. The anger outweighs the pain he feels. He swears those bastards will pay.

Mikasa squirms under his arms. "I can't breathe."

He hadn't realized that he'd been grasping her too tightly. "Sorry." He let's her go and their limbs disentangle.

"Lunch hour is almost over. We should probably get going," he says. He rises and helps Mikasa to her feet.

When study hall begins so does the excited chatter fixated on the homecoming dance. Eren can hear his classmates ask each other about their dates and plans and outfits, but all of it goes by unheeded—he doesn't care about any of that. All he can think about is that person. That's all he can ever think about. His chest is empty and his mind is foggy and his heart aches. He rests his head against his desk and shuts his eyes. The more he sleeps the more he remembers, and that's what he wants the most.

His mind is beginning to slip into a haze when his name is called, and he's roughly thrust back into reality.

"Eren, you're going to homecoming right?" Connie asks.

Eren straightens up and faces Connie who's sitting in front of him, facing the wrong way in the desk, short legs straddling the back of the chair.

"Nah, I think I'll pass."

Instantly, Connie, Armin, and Sasha drill him. They start throwing questions and disappointed frowns. Eren holds up his hands defensively.

"You guys, I just don't wanna go this year."

Armin's pale-blue eyes are deep with disappointment. "But, Eren, I really wanted to go with you and Mikasa."

"You should ask Annie to go with you," Eren tells him.

Armin's eyes drop and he bites his lip. "If I…ask her to go with me, will you come with us?"

Eren gawks at him. "You'll ask her just so I'll go?"

Armin slowly nods, and Eren grins. "Then hell yeah, I'll go."

Smiles break across his friends' faces.

"When will you ask her?"

Armin ducks a little. "I guess I'll ask her after school let's out."

Eren pats him on the back. "Want me to be your wingman?"

"S-Sure."

"I'll come too," Mikasa offers. "We know each other so I can introduce you to her."

"Thanks, Mikasa."

"Wait, so Armin is gonna ask Annie to be his date?" comes a new voice. Jean breaks into their conversation, and Marco is along with him.

Armin's face reddens. "Don't announce it to the entire class!"

Jean shoots him a wide grin. "The entire class will find out anyway. What's the point in hiding it?"

Armin squirms uncomfortably, and Marco places a hand on his shoulder. Marco's smile is kind and comforting. "Have some confidence. Don't psyche yourself out."

"You're pretty brave, Armin. Annie scares me. I couldn't do it," Connie mutters.

Sasha breaks in. "She's not as scary as Mikasa though."

Mikasa's dark eyes lock on her, and she shrinks back accordingly.

"Hey, Mikasa, who're you going to the dance with?" asks Jean. There's a curious sparkle in his eye as he stands close to her desk.

Her eyes shift to Eren. "Eren and I are going together."

Jean's smile crumbles and that sparkle fades. "Oh…"

"Don't worry Jean, I'll be your date," Marco teases.

Jean shoves at him. "Who said I wanted to go with you?"

Marco's wide smile doesn't waver. "If you don't find anyone else, you have my number."

"You gay for me or something?"

Marco's freckled face is close to Jean as he says, "Oh yeah, I'm completely homo for you. Can't you tell?"

Jean pushes him away. "Stop mocking me."

Marco is still smiling as he watches Jean go back to his desk. There's some kind of look in Marco's eye that makes Eren wonder what he's thinking. He's always hanging around Jean or maybe it's the other way around. But in that moment, when Jean had turned his back on Marco, there was a pained flash behind his eyes as if he couldn't stand the sight of Jean turning away from him.

Marco notices Eren staring and their eyes connect for a second, then Eren turns away. Maybe Marco really does have feelings for Jean…

* * *

Armin sucks in a deep breath. His palms are clammy and his stomach is flipped upside down. He thinks he'll be sick. Eren and Mikasa lead him straight to where Annie, Bertholdt, and Reiner are. Just Annie herself is intimidating but with Reiner and Bertholdt at her sides, she's entirely unapproachable.

Something about Annie has always drawn him in. She's small and intimidating. She's always lingering in the shadows as if trying to avoid the eyes of everyone else around her. And Armin admires her strength. She holds her shoulders high and she doesn't back down from conflict. The only time she seems remotely interested in the world around her is when someone is challenging her.

Her eyes are listless and lethargic—they lack any kind of emotion or life, but Armin finds them strangely beautiful. He can lose himself when he looks into her hardened eyes.

Armin tugs against the holds Mikasa and Eren have on his wrists. "I change my mind. I can't do it."

Eren heaves an irritated groan. "Don't chicken out. Remember what Marco said? Have some confidence."

He's pulled closer, and Armin sighs, yielding to Eren and Mikasa. He'll do this because he really wants Eren to go to the dance. It'll be good for him to have some fun. He needs to enjoy himself and forget his pain for a while.

Armin has noticed how the flame behind Eren's eyes has steadily grown smaller. There's been a burning intensity in Eren's eyes ever since Armin has known him. But lately, it's been faded. Eren is burning out and it's beginning to show. And Armin wants Eren to remain strong. Eren has helped Armin throughout his life, so this time, he'll be the one to help Eren.

They approach. Annie's eyes are ice as they land on Armin, and he sweats a little under her stare.

"Annie," Mikasa says, and those icy blue eyes shift to her. "These are my friends Armin and Eren."

She looks at Eren first, and then Armin next, with her typical bored mask. "I know who they are."

Armin is shocked. Annie already knows him?

Reiner and Bertholdt smile.

"You're Eren Jaeger," says Reiner. "You're the guy who's always getting into those fights."

Eren rubs the back of his neck. "Er, yeah, I guess."

"My friend wants to ask you something, Annie," Mikasa cuts in before the conversation can change focus, and gives Armin a little push.

He stumbles forward and looks down at Annie. His eyes lock with a jaded stare, and his heart stutters.

"I was wondering if you have a date to the homecoming dance."

"I don't plan on going."

Armin's heart sinks. "Oh…okay. Never mind then."

Bertholdt interferes. "Wait, did you want to ask Annie to go with you?"

Heat rushes to Armin's cheeks. "E-Eh, yeah but if she doesn't want to go that's alright."

"Great! She'll go with you."

Annie's head snaps up to Bertholdt. "I think that's my choice to make."

"Come on, Annie. He seems like a nice kid," Reiner tells her.

At first, she doesn't say anything, and then her eyes shift away from Armin as she quietly mutters, "Why would you want to go with me? Do I… really seem like such a good person to you?"

Armin looks at her for a moment before giving a slow reply. "A good person…?" His eyes flick to the side and his fingers tug anxiously at one another. "To be honest, I feel like people simply use those words when they're convenient. And no one is useful to everyone. You may be helpful to some people and then a bad person to others. But to me, you don't seem like a bad person."

Annie's eyes are downcast and her voice is so quiet that Armin has to lean in to hear her. "I'll go with you."

A smile stretches over Armin's mouth. "Thank you."

They exchange numbers and then he leaves with Eren and Mikasa. Eren holds on to his shoulder.

"See, I told you it'd be fine."

If it weren't for Eren, Armin isn't sure he would've ever had the courage to talk to Annie. "Thanks Eren."

A puzzled look passes over his face. "For what?"

Armin shrugs. "For everything."

Eren ruffles his hair. "Tch. Whatever Armin."

* * *

Levi and Eren walk into the apartment. He already had his session with Hanji and now they're back. Levi immediately heads to the balcony for a smoke, and Eren follows him out. The air is crisp and it nips at Eren's ears and the tip of his nose. He pulls the hood of his jacket over his head and leans against the rail.

Levi is wearing only his casual white dress shirt.

"Aren't you cold?" Eren asks him.

A puff of smoke leaves his lips as he replies. "No."

Eren eyes him. His hair is tousled by the wind, his cheeks a little flushed from the chill, and the hairs on the back of his neck are standing on end.

"You're lying."

Levi shrugs. "Maybe I like the cold."

"You'll get sick."

"I don't get sick."

Eren sighs. Levi is a grown man. It's not like Eren can force him to put on a jacket.

They fall into a silence and Eren stares out at the street below. He likes being up high. Everything seems to be separated from him and he can just leave the world behind for a while. And with Levi here, he's not really alone. But now that he thinks about it, Levi has been living here for a while—secluded and distant—wasn't he lonely?

Eren stares at him for a long time. Levi's drooped, silvery eyes are off in the distance as he takes another deep inhale from his cigarette. There are heavy bags under his eyes as if he doesn't get much sleep and there are taut lines at the corner of his mouth from never smiling.

Levi looks at Eren from the corner of his eye. "What?"

"Er…nothing."

"Don't smoke, it's bad for the body." And even as he says this, he wedges the butt of the cigarette back between his lips and takes in another long draw.

"Your advice would be more effective if you weren't being hypocritical."

Levi thinks for a moment. "You're probably right, but do as I say not as I do. Ever heard that one?"

Eren gives a smile. "Yeah, I've gotten it a few times."

A cloud of smoke is exhaled.

"You know, smoking might be the reason why you're short," Eren points out.

There's an irritated twitch at Levi's brow. "That's not why, you brat."

"It could also be because of you're cooking."

Levi snorts. "First it's because I smoke, and now it's because I can't cook? This is what I think of your theories…" He drops his cigarette on the ground and deliberately mashes the sole of his shoe into it.

"Now clean that up," and he starts to go back inside. He's halfway through the door when he stops and turns over his shoulder. "Don't you have plans? It's a Friday night and it's your homecoming weekend."

Eren glances up while crouched beside the mess Levi made. "No…"

"You should go out, do what kids do these days. Go get drunk, and get high then fuck a girl or two."

Eren's mouth falls open in shock and he gapes at him with bugged eyes.

When Eren can't manage a response, Levi shrugs. "Or a few guys if that's your thing."

"You're a police officer. You're supposed to tell me _not_ to do that stuff."

Levi's small shoulders lurch with another shrug. "You're a kid. Might as well enjoy it. As long as you're not hurting anybody, I don't see a problem."

"But isn't it unsafe?"

"Get Mikasa and Armin to go with you and stay away from shady places. If you don't stay out too late, you'll be fine."

Eren gazes up at him in wonder. Is Levi worried that he's not happy? "Okay. I'll call them later."

Levi disappears and then Eren thinks for a moment. Wait…has he ever mentioned Armin and Mikasa to Levi before? Then again, Levi is a police officer; he probably knows everything about Eren. The thought makes Eren shudder.

* * *

Levi breathes out a sigh of relief. With Eren gone he can finally breathe without it hurting. He knows Eren will be fine with Mikasa. She's tough and she's smart, and as long as they don't go off anywhere alone, Eren will be safe.

Levi has been working his ass off trying to find those pigs. So far it hasn't done much good but Levi isn't an idiot. The best time for Eren to be targeted is a night in which a lot of kids are out making trouble. The chaos and the poor decision making will act as a veil for true danger. In other words, homecoming night will be when Eren is targeted, and Levi will be there to catch those pigs the moment they spring.

Levi takes Eren's clothes from out of the dryer and sets them aside. He's about to shut the door when he sees a slip of paper inside. He takes it up. It's crinkled and faded and the ink is smeared, but he can just make out a few words and Hanji's signature. His teeth grit and he crumples the paper in his hand before shoving it in his pocket.

Not long after, he's banging on Hanji's office door. She opens it and her eyes widen in surprise.

"Levi? Did you forget something?"

He pushes past her and inside her office. It looks like she was in the middle of packing up her stuff to leave. Once she shuts the door, he whirls on her. "Why are you giving him more shit pills to take? He's not crazy."

At first she jolts a little in shock and then her features soften into an expression that irks Levi. They're always looking at him with pity in their eyes and he hates it.

"I know that but they'll help him control his anger."

His fingers curl into fists and he glares at her. "He doesn't have a problem, Hanji. He can control it himself."

"Levi, we have types of aid in this life that we didn't have before. We need to take advantage of that."

"Tch. I'm the one who knows his anger the best and I'm telling you, he doesn't need that kind of help. "

Her voice drops and her warm brown eyes are sad. "How can you say that after he…" she trails off.

Levi's eyes harden. "After he what?" he snaps. "Go ahead. I want to hear you say it."

She remains silent so Levi continues. "As far as I'm concerned, he saved humanity. We owe him everything."

Hanji pushes her glasses to the top of her head and falls back into a chair, looking more defeated than he's seen her in a long time. She pinches the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger, and heaves a sigh. "Do you really think things will be different this time?"

Levi takes the seat next to her and hunches over with his elbows on his knees. "I'll make sure they're different. I won't let him lose control."

She rests a hand on his shoulder and gives it a squeeze. "I've always trusted you, Levi. I've never once doubted you. You're the strongest person I know, and I have full faith in your ability to withstand anything, but in this life you aren't as durable. You were born with cracks." Then she pauses before quietly adding, "And it's because of Eren."

Levi's mouth presses into a hard line. "I was strong back then and I'm strong now. Nothing about me has changed."

Her grip on his shoulder tightens. "Promise me you won't break."

He scowls before shrugging her hand off and rising to his feet. "I don't need to make any promises because there's no way that can happen." He turns on his heel and leaves without offering anything more.

Mechanically, his hand is in his pocket but he pauses. He didn't need these cigarettes before so why does he need them now? Maybe Hanji was right. Maybe he's not as strong as he was back then. He sighs and fingers a cigarette before stuffing the end into his mouth. But in this life, maybe strength isn't what he needs. Strength didn't help Eren before and it won't help him now. Levi's strength had failed. So that can only mean one thing. This time around, fighting won't be the way he'll protect Eren. Maybe remaining damaged is the only way to keep Eren safe, and he'll continue to break if that's what it takes.

* * *

Eren walks in to the apartment. The lights are off and it's completely silent. Either Levi isn't home yet, or he's already in bed. His suggestion of spending time with Mikasa and Armin had been a good one—Eren had truly enjoyed himself, and that ache that always lingers inside his chest was nearly forgotten. But all that other stuff Levi suggested, Eren hopes had been a joke because that really hadn't been good advice.

Eren kicks off his shoes and he heads to the futon he's been sleeping in. But when he gets there, he comes to a halt. Levi is already lying on it with empty glass bottles splayed around him, an arm folded under his head, and curled up on his side. Eren openly stares. He looks so small like that…

After discarding the bottles of booze, he sits down next to him. The futon shifts with the added weight, and Levi's body tilts a little closer to Eren. Eren clutches hold to one of Levi's small shoulders and shakes him a bit.

"Officer Levi," he gently calls, but he doesn't even stir. Eren shakes him a little harder.

"Officer Levi, I'm back."

But again there's no reaction. Eren's head ducks lower. He can smell the alcohol tainting Levi's breath and it almost chokes him. He's so close to Levi's face that he can discern each strand of his eyelashes.

"Levi," he repeats, and this time his eyelids twitch.

Eren leans back some and watches as Levi's eyes slowly crack open. They're clouded over and half-lidded, and then they focus on Eren's face.

"Eren?"

A pang is sent through him. The way Levi said his name was strangely intimate— Eren doesn't understand it. His fingers brush over Levi's temple, and he tenderly sweeps the hair from out of his eyes. Levi's cheeks are flushed with color from the alcohol, and his eyes fall shut again as he leans into Eren's touch.

"…Is this a dream?"

Eren smiles. "No, you're awake. You should probably go back to your own bed though."

Levi's hand cups over Eren's, pressing Eren's palm more firmly against his face. "We're not sleeping together?"

Eren jolts in shock. "H-Huh?" Why would they sleep together? They may have gotten to know each other a little better over the past few days but they aren't anywhere near that sort of relationship. Levi is still a stranger to him. Eren hardly knows him at all.

Slowly, Levi's arms wind around Eren's neck and he pulls him down closer. Eren could easily pull out of Levi's hold— he knows that he should. Clearly he's drunk, but Eren doesn't wrench away, he let's Levi hold him and he's not sure why. Maybe it's because his arms somehow feel comforting around him or maybe it's because Levi is so warm.

"Eren…" he murmurs and his voice is low and sensual, sending inexplicable frissons of pleasure down Eren's spine. His pulse quickens and his body heats up.

"You can't forget about me. You have to remember…" He sounds broken and pleading, and it cuts into Eren so deep that he can't breathe.

"I haven't forgotten you. You're Officer Levi. You're my hero."

Levi's arms tighten around Eren's neck and he searches far into Eren's eyes. His silvery eyes are still hazy and his cheeks are still glowing—he's not coherent enough for conversation, but for some reason, what Levi is saying hits Eren hard. His heart dents a little and his breath becomes shallow.

"No, that's not right. Don't you remember anything at all? I'm your…"

Then Levi's eyes snap into focus and they sharpen with sudden awareness. His arms flinch from around Eren's neck, and he tumbles back into the mattress and pillows.

"You're my what?" Eren urges. He swallows down the sour taste in his mouth. He doesn't know why but he thinks what Levi was about to say was important. He needs to hear what he was going to say.

Levi groans and pulls himself up into a seated position with his legs bent in front of him, elbows propped on his knees. "Shit," he hisses as he rubs at his temple. "What time is it?"

Eren takes Levi's other hand and holds it tight. "Wait, you were saying something before! What was it?"

Levi's brows furrow and he stares down at their entwined fingers. "What? It was probably some bullshit that made no sense."

Eren's grip is tighter. "You said you were something to me but you never finished."

Levi blinks. "Well I'm your guard. That's probably all I was saying."

But Eren knows that's not what he was going to say. "That's not it."

Levi's eyes are deadened. There's no hint of any kind of emotion or reaction—they're a bottomless void. "What are you talking about?"

Eren tugs him closer. "Please, tell me, do we know each other?"

Levi's eyes pierce through him and he scoffs. "What do you mean? Maybe you had a couple drinks too."

The thoughts and emotions whirl inside Eren. His mind isn't letting him make sense of what's happening. He knows he's missing something, and it's so frustrating that he thinks his mind will crumble from the pressure in his head. And now, Levi is making him question his own sanity.

"But what you said before made it seem like there's something I'm forgetting about you."

"Don't be stupid. I'm drunk. Don't listen to what I say."

Eren sighs. He knows he shouldn't listen to an intoxicated person, but what Levi had been saying…he wishes Levi hadn't stopped. There's that emptiness in his chest again and this time it's agonizing. It practically cripples him.

"Get to bed. It's late." Levi swings his legs over the side of the futon and stands.

"You know…" Eren murmurs more to himself than to Levi. "I haven't known you for long but I don't think I could ever forget you."

Eren can hear Levi's footsteps as he walks to his own room, but before he disappears down the hall, he pauses. "What if I don't want you to remember?"

Eren's eyes flick to him. "Why wouldn't you want me to remember?"

Levi's shoulders lurch with a casual shrug. "Who knows." Then he's gone.


	4. Chapter 4: Homecoming

Hmm. I wonder if this story is as painful to read as it is to write.

* * *

Eren chose wrong. He should've done something. Because he didn't fight, they're dead now. He stares at their mutilated corpses. There's so much blood… And those blank looks they wear… The anger inside him is too strong. He can't stand it. It sears through him from the inside out—he's on fire and it's because of her. Icy blue eyes and blonde hair—he'll tear her apart. His hand rises to his mouth and heat completely envelopes him. Muscle fibers and flesh rip and tear as he rises high. He flings a fist with all of his might at her. He'll make her pay. He swears it.

He shoots up straight. His blood is boiling and his heart rages inside his chest. He's angry. He's so incredibly angry but he doesn't know why. He slings himself out of bed and goes out on the balcony. The air is cold, cooling the sweat that sheets his face and neck. He lets out a sigh while his eyelids fall shut. The shrill, muffled sirens and the rushing sound of the wind act as a lullaby while he tries to calm himself. Unconsciously he rubs the knuckle at his thumb. There's a protruded arc of flesh there—a birthmark that he's always had. Sometimes it aches or burns and right now, it's aching.

"Is it painful?"

Eren jumps and whips around. Levi is standing behind him. Eren had been so lost in thought that he hadn't heard him come out here.

"What?"

Levi gestures to Eren's hand. "Your hand. Does it hurt?"

Eren shrugs. "It's okay. Sometimes it aches a little."

Levi steps closer and extends an upturned palm. "Show me."

Eren gives his hand to Levi, and Levi turns it over. He brings it close to his face, closely inspecting the mark with an unreadable expression.

"I'm surprised it hasn't healed."

"It's a birthmark. Those don't go away."

It's silent as he stares intently at Eren's hand. Minutes pass and Eren is beginning to feel uncomfortable. There's a distant look in Levi's eye, a slight tug downward at his lip, and Eren doesn't understand. With his free hand, Eren's fingers curl around Levi's to hold his hand between his two palms. Silvery eyes glance up at Eren.

"It's fine so don't worry about it," Eren reassures him, offering a comforting smile.

Those silvery eyes flick away and Levi pulls his hand free. His arms cross over his small chest and he shivers. "It's cold. We should get back inside."

Eren follows him back indoors. His mind is a little lost. There's something pricking at the forefront of his mind—it's uncomfortable. For a reason unknown to Eren, his eyes are drawn back to his birthmark again. It doesn't ache anymore but he thinks there's something about it that's significant. Maybe it's not just a birthmark after all. It looks more like a scar. But he doesn't remember being injured there…

* * *

It's a little less than an hour before the dance starts and unsurprisingly Levi is out on the balcony for a smoke. A cigarette dangles from his fingers while tendrils of smoke rise from the ash stained tips. Eren walks out and Levi's head turns. When he sees Eren, his eyes fall to Eren's toes, then slowly make their way up Eren's body, to finally land on his face.

"Who knew you could clean up so nice."

Eren snorts. "That's kinda insulting."

He tugs at the collar of the dress shirt. It isn't all that comfortable. It chokes him a little bit and it itches. He unfastens the first few buttons then breathes out a sigh. As he leans against the rail, he watches the city below. The car lights zip by in hypnotic fluorescent tails, lighting up the darkness and chasing away the shadows of the street.

"You're missing something though," comes Levi's voice and the trance the lights have on Eren is broken.

He turns to regard Levi. His eyes are focused out ahead, the breeze gently tousling his hair and clothing. There's something undeniably appealing about Levi. Eren can't seem to tear his eyes away from him.

"What am I missing?"

Levi's fingers rise to his mouth as he sucks in a draw from his cigarette. "A tie," he replies, releasing a puff of gray smoke into the air.

"I don't own a tie."

After flicking the butt of his cigarette out over the rail he says, "You can borrow mine." Then he loosens the tie from around his own neck and slips it off.

When he faces Eren, he wears an incomprehensible deadpan. He gestures for Eren to bend lower then flips Eren's collar up in order to loop the tie around his neck. Eren feels Levi's breath ghost the side of his face as he pulls it through so that it hangs neatly at his throat. Levi's warm palms press against Eren's chest. Then, slowly, his eyes travel up Eren and he gazes up at him with sharp, silvery eyes that penetrate deep into him. And it feels like Eren has known these eyes his entire life, maybe even longer than that.

"Never thought I'd see you dressed up like this."

Eren doesn't get it. The way Levi said that made it seem like they've known each other for more than just a week. And that look in his eye… Eren doesn't understand that either.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Warm palms slide down lower on Eren's chest and Levi takes a hesitant step closer. Eren's breath hitches. Levi is so close that Eren can see his own reflection in his gray irises and he can feel the warmth coming from him. Without realizing it, he's leaning down toward Levi, hand rising to his face and soon, he's cupping Levi's jaw and pulling his face upward. Their mouths are centimeters away—Eren can feel Levi's breath brush his lips.

And then suddenly Levi stiffens and takes a deliberate step backward, putting as much distance between them as he can. Eren's heart is hammering against his ribcage, his eyes wide in disbelief as he realizes what he'd almost done.

"I'm sorry! I don't know what came over me!"

Levi doesn't look at him and his voice is quiet. "Your friends are here."

"H-Huh?"

Levi turns then opens the sliding door. "I called your friends. They're here now." And he steps inside.

Eren follows in a daze. He's still thinking about what almost happened. His heart is still pounding in his chest and his face is hot from a mix of embarrassment and longing. When Levi had stepped away, his heart tore a little with disappointment—his heart is still aching. And Levi is acting like nothing happened. He's acting like he doesn't even realize what they almost did.

While Eren's mind is telling him that what he almost did was wrong and he shouldn't want to kiss Levi, his heart says otherwise. Eren's heart seems to know something his mind doesn't because whenever Levi is around, it flutters and rams against his ribcage as if it were trying to get Eren's attention, as if it were trying to tell him something. And Eren is trying to listen but his mind is still foggy.

Levi opens the door and Mikasa stands there wearing a sleek black dress that hangs just below her thighs. Levi steps aside and lets her in. When she sees Eren her dark eyes brighten while a small smile tugs at the corner of her pink mouth.

"Eren, you look nice."

He shoots her a wide grin. "Not as nice as you." His fingers brush at the small elegant braids in her hair.

"You even did your hair. It looks pretty." He's surprised. As long as he's known Mikasa, she's never looked this feminine before. Then he tugs at the muffler she's still wearing around her neck.

"But you're still wearing your muffler. It kind of ruins the whole regal look."

"I'll force myself into a dress but I won't take off the muffler."

He laughs and takes up his jacket hanging on the coat rack. She helps him shrug his shoulders into it before judging his appearance again.

"There's one more thing missing though."

There's something else Eren forgot?

She fumbles through her clutch and takes out a white rose boutonniere. Eren shifts uncomfortably. He hadn't gotten a corsage for Mikasa. He didn't think they were going to make this an official date or anything. He figured it'd just be a casual friend accompanying friend thing.

"Don't move. I could accidentally stab you." She takes the fold of his jacket then carefully pins it at the pocket. Her palms smoothen out the front with slight pats then an approving smile crosses her mouth.

"Mikasa…I…" How is he going to tell her that he didn't get her a corsage? Maybe he can go pick up one on their way to the dance? But that's such an asshole move.

Suddenly, he feels something at his back. He twists around and sees Levi holding out a small box with a white rose corsage inside, matching the boutonniere exactly. Without a word, he hands it to Eren then steps away to casually lean against the back of the couch. Eren takes it out and Mikasa extends her thin wrist. After he slips it on, he holds her hand for a moment. Color dusts over the apples of her cheeks, a delighted smile fixing to her face. Her dark eyes are profound with an appreciation he doesn't deserve.

"Thank you, Eren."

He bites his tongue. He really owes Levi one. The door buzzes and Levi automatically goes to answer it.

"That must be Armin," he says while pulling the handle.

In come Armin and Annie. He's wearing an icy blue vest that matches Annie's long silky gown, and the color is the exact shade of Annie's eyes. The biggest smile Eren has ever seen is plastered to Armin's face.

"The both of you look great," Eren tells them.

He had no idea they were all meeting at Levi's apartment. He can't believe Levi would take the time to plan it all out. His eyes instinctively flick to him and he's propped against the wall off to the side, eyes downcast and unfocused. Eren swallows. What he wishes right now is for Levi to look at him. He really wants Levi to look at him.

"We should get going."

Eren reluctantly tears his gaze away from Levi and faces Mikasa. "How're we getting there?"

Levi pushes off from the wall, giving his car keys a deft twirl around his nimble finger. "I'm driving you."

When they get to the hotel where the dance is held, Levi lets them out at the front entrance. They all slip out the door one by one until only Mikasa is left.

"Mikasa."

She pauses and looks at Levi through the rearview mirror. All she can see are his sharp eyes directed at her in the sliver of glass.

"Make sure Eren has a good time."

She nods. "You know I will." Then her dark eyes flash and the corner of her mouth pulls down a bit. "He's remembering. What're you going to do about it?"

Levi's eyes shift to the side. "I'll keep my distance," he mutters.

Mikasa sighs. She pulls herself forward near the driver's seat. Her hand takes his in a gesture that's comforting but not at all intimate. "I know we weren't on the best of terms back then but you make him happy. I'm in love with him, even in this life, but I know it'll be just as it was before. He's going to fall for you again."

Levi's jaw visibly tightens. "Don't let that happen."

"I'll try but… will you be alright?"

He scoffs. "You're worried about me? That's not how I remember you."

Mikasa grimaces and she lets out a sigh. "I wasn't always kind to you but I always admired you. And I still do. I was jealous and I'll always be jealous of you. I didn't think you were right for him. I didn't think you treated him right but in the end… after what you did for him, I realized I was wrong."

There's a silence before she gives his hand a light squeeze. "So if you still love him, I won't interfere."

Levi's hand slips from out of hers. "Don't stop interfering."

"But do you love him?"

His reply is slow and his voice is so low that she almost doesn't hear him. "Not anymore."

"I understand." Then she slides out and shuts the door.

* * *

It's well into the dance and everyone seems to be having a good time—even Eren. His chest is filled and his heart isn't aching. He's not thinking about that person or trying to remember. He's enjoying the present moment. He dances with Mikasa and she slips a finger under his belt loop.

"Whoa!" he cries in surprise when she tugs him closer. They're right up against each other now. He can feel her body heat and her legs brush against him.

Out of nowhere, Jean appears and he lays a hand on Eren's shoulder. "You better not screw up with her," he says into his ear.

"Huh?"

"Treat her right and I might just let you live."

Eren shoots him a bewildered look but he's already gone.

Eren sees Connie dancing with Sasha. They make a strange pair. Connie is so short and Sasha isn't very small. Even though his partner isn't all that skilled at dancing, Connie can really dance. He has those B-Boy moves and soon, he takes over the dance floor. Everyone around him circles up to watch him dance. A few other people join in and they take turns showing off.

Eren's eyes scan over the heads around him. He sees Levi lurking in the corner. What's he still doing here? Eren stares and notices that he's not the only person looking at Levi. One of his classmates is also watching him. His classmate is standing off in the corner with a red plastic cup in his hand, sipping at it. Eren doesn't like the way his classmate is looking at Levi. His eyes are unblinking and predatory. Eren's classmate takes a step closer to Levi then Eren's view is cut off as more people squeeze in to watch Connie. Eren tries to stretch over the heads but he can't see Levi anymore. Eren was probably only imagining that look in his classmate's eye. Besides, Levi can take care of himself.

The music turns slow and the circle disperses. Mikasa automatically curls her arms around Eren's neck and his hands settle at her lower back. Armin and Annie are dancing in a similar way only Armin seems much more hesitant to touch Annie's back. Eren maneuvers close to them and gives Armin a grin. Armin heartily returns it as they continue dancing.

* * *

"Levi, come dance with me!" Petra urges, a warm smile on her pink, plush mouth. She takes his hand, pulling him to the dance floor.

"We're on duty. There's no time."

She looks up at him with her round, honey eyes, a disappointed pout pulling at her bottom lip. The look on her face pierces Levi with a harsh edge. He can't deny her when she looks at him that way.

"Just one song, then we have to get back to our posts."

She nods. "Yes sir!"

And he lets her lead him to the floor. Her arms wrap around his neck, his winding around her small waist. They sway in time with the slow music as she rests her head against his shoulder. It's painful. All he keeps seeing is her lifeless, bloodstained face and her crushed spinal cord against that tree. All he ever sees are their dead faces and broken bodies every time he's around his squad.

There's so much he wants to say to them. There's so much he can't say. His mouth is full of painful canker sores from roughly biting back all the regret and pain that he feels, all of the apologies he owes them. He presses his palm against her back feeling her strong and unbroken backbone—it's a comfort in this life. At least he has her now, in this moment.

"Levi…" She looks up at him with eyes wide and filled with a love that he can't return.

He meets her tender, affectionate look and wishes that she could read from his eyes what he so desperately wants her to know: _I'm sorry for leaving back then_. But she doesn't understand as she silently blinks up at him, her long lashes brushing the apples of her pink cheeks. He pulls her back down to his shoulder. He can't bear to look at her face. Even in this life he won't be able to give her what she wants. And he's sorry for that too but he'll always be appreciative of her love because he knows he doesn't deserve it.

The song ends and he unravels his arms from around her. Oluo is watching them from across the floor with a pained look. So Levi takes Petra's hand and tows her to where Oluo stands.

"I know I said only one song but one more won't hurt. I think Oluo can take over." And he leaves the two of them together, hand in hand.

He's walking back to his post when a voice comes from behind him. "Don't like to dance?"

He turns over his shoulder. A tall, meathead kid is standing behind him. Levi can tell this kid spends most of his time working out because even with the sleeves of his jacket covering his arms, he can see the outline of his sizeable biceps.

"Not really." He continues walking to his post as if the kid hadn't spoken but he's followed.

"I don't recognize you. Are you new?"

"I'm not a student."

The kid smiles. "Oh, that makes sense. I wouldn't have forgotten you."

Levi pauses and his eyes taper accusingly. "Are you flirting with me?"

There's a dangerous glint in the kid's beady eye. "If I am, is it working?"

Levi jolts a little. He'd been joking. He hadn't actually thought this brat was flirting with him. "Kid, I'm like twice your age."

The brat's lips purse thoughtfully. "Really? You don't look it."

He stands near Levi and he's so goddamn tall, Levi has to arch his head back to look this brat in the eye. He props a burly hand above Levi's head, cornering him between his chest and the wall.

"He's a police officer. Back off," a familiar voice cuts in.

They both turn, and Eren is shooting daggers at this kid.

The brat gives a doubtful snort. "Right…a police officer?"

A hand is shoved into Levi's pocket and Eren takes out his badge. It flashes under the colorful lights. The kid takes a step back.

"Oh…sorry." Immediately, he disappears.

Levi whirls on Eren. "You idiot, I'm undercover." He snatches his badge from out of Eren's hand and quickly stuffs it back into his pocket.

"I got rid of that guy, didn't I?"

"Who said he was bothering me?"

Eren's eyes widen. "What? You mean you were interested in that creep?"

"Of course not. None of you are even legal."

Eren scratches his head. That's right… Even if Eren admitted to himself that he was attracted to Levi, he wouldn't be able to act on it. He's too young for him. Frustration teems inside Eren. Everything about Levi is wrong and exasperating. Eren hurts because there's something about Levi that makes his heart ache; he's ashamed because he's starting to develop feelings for him; and now he's frustrated because there's the age difference. He wishes at least one of those feelings would go away. He wishes one of them _could_ go away.

* * *

Armin and Annie sit down at one of the tables in the refreshment's room. Conversation is a struggle. Annie isn't very talkative and Armin is a little nervous being around her.

"Hey, Annie, why did you agree to be my date?" he quietly asks.

She's drinking out of a plastic cup and sets it down before replying. "Do I need to have a reason?"

Armin shrugs. "Well, we've never actually had a real conversation before."

Annie fiddles with her cup, eyes downcast. "I agreed to be your date because you look at me as if I'm not a bad person," she softly replies.

"Do you think of yourself as a bad person?"

Her icy blue eyes flick up to him but she doesn't answer his question. "Don't stop looking at me like that. Can you promise me that you'll always look at me in the same way?"

He looks to the side. "I promise," he murmurs.

She reaches up and tucks a finger under his chin, pulling his gaze back to hers. "I told you, don't stop looking at me."

Color rushes to Armin's face and he clutches the hand that's under his chin in both of his. "I promise," he repeats and this time, he's firm.

"Well! It looks like the lovebirds are getting along!"

Armin drops Annie's hand as Reiner and Bertholdt take the seats next to them.

Bertholdt offers an apologetic look. "Sorry Armin, Reiner really wanted to interrupt."

Reiner flashes a winning grin. "I wanted to be a part of the action too."

He flings out his hand, accidentally knocking over Annie's cup. The entire contents of her drink spill out and drench the front of her dress. The red liquid stains then quickly spreads into a huge splotch at her midsection.

"Shit! I'm so sorry Annie!" He takes the tablecloth to try and dab at her dress but it's useless.

Bertholdt is crouched beside her also wiping at her dress. "You're such a klutz, Reiner!"

"Hey, I said I was sorry!"

Annie smacks their hands away and without looking at them, she stands. "I'm going to clean up, Armin."

"Do you need help? I can go get you a towel or something," he offers as he rushes to her side.

"It's fine. I'm sorry, I might take a while." She stretches to her toes then presses her lips against his cheek before retreating to the women's restroom.

Armin is stunned. His hand involuntarily rises to his face and he caresses the spot where she kissed him. Something was off about that kiss, and that apology had sounded too sincere for a simple break to clean up. His eyes are still lingering after her even when she's well out of sight.

* * *

Eren's hands shoot out and he takes Levi's wrist. "Can we leave?"

Levi's brows crease in confusion. "Why? You looked like you were having fun."

Eren's grip on his wrist tightens. "I need…" He's not sure what he needs. That hole in his chest is back and he only feels this emptiness when Levi is around. There's something about Levi that makes him feel like there's something missing from inside of him, and he thinks the way to get it back is becoming closer to him.

All of a sudden, the power shuts off and it's dark. There are screams and shouts, and everyone starts shoving and pushing. People trip over each other's feet, dresses rip.

And amidst the confusion, Levi takes Eren's hand. "Let's go."

Eren's mind is spinning as he's jerked forward. What the hell is going on? It's as if Levi was waiting for something like that to happen. His grip is sure on Eren's wrist while he systematically leads him to the exit. Students are filing outside along with them, forcing their way through. The lights turn back on as Levi rushes Eren down a corridor.

"Where are you taking me?" Eren asks, tripping up and stumbling after Levi.

"They're coming for you."

Eren's blood runs cold. "W-What? _Here_?"

Levi's eyes are hardened, tapered ahead and his response is snippy. "Why do you think I'm here? Did you really think I wanted to watch a bunch of hormonal brats have orgies on the dance floor?"

Levi reaches behind his back. Gun holsters are strapped around his torso, hidden beneath his jacket.

He pulls out his phone and holds it to his ear. "Yeah, I've got Eren. You know what to do."

He hangs up then shoves his phone into his pocket. They hasten down the hotel corridor, and Eren's ears perk at the sound of footsteps tailing after them. Levi must've noticed it too because he curses.

"Dammit," he growls under his breath. "We weren't quick enough. Someone saw us."

After taking a turn down a different corridor, they come to an abrupt stop. Swiftly, Eren is flung into a closet and Levi shuts the door behind them. It's pitch black. Eren can't see a thing. He trips and bangs his shin against something.

"Stop moving," Levi hisses. "Someone will hear you."

Into the darkness, Eren reaches out in front of him. His hands brush against soft hair then travel lower to a smooth, unblemished cheek and then a defined jaw.

_Close your eyes._

Eren's eyes may be open but the darkness is so intense it's as if they're shut, and without his eyesight, Eren's other senses are suddenly sharpened. A soapy, clean scent mixed with cigarette smoke meets Eren's nostrils as his fingers press into every line and every plane of Levi's face. There's a smooth forehead, a narrow nose. He travels lower and feels the soft jut of Levi's upper lip—it's small and a little dry. Then Eren's fingers fall to his bottom lip. They instinctively part and the warmth of Levi's breath skims Eren's fingertips.

Eren's own breath catches in his throat and his heart pounds loudly in his ears. Heat surges to his head, making him a little dizzy as his hands wander down further to Levi's chin then his neck and collarbone. He traces the length of the bone across Levi's chest. Everything about Levi's body feels…familiar. Every curve and every dip in his frame, Eren knows where they all are but how is that even possible? His fingers track lower where he meets the V of Levi's shirt. Without thinking, he pulls the first few buttons apart, and a little lower on his chest, Eren finds a jagged scar he somehow knew would be there.

Eren can feel Levi's tension under his palms and he can also feel the hammering of Levi's heart, but Levi doesn't back away and he doesn't say anything. He can't. If he moves, he could knock into something and if he speaks, someone might hear.

Eren swallows. He knows what he's doing is wrong but he can't stop. His hands are out of his control. They move even lower to his slender waist to his sharp hipbones. Levi's breathing rasps shallow and short— Eren can hear it. Fingers move across Levi's hip to his pelvis, and now they're dangerously nearby a part of Levi they really shouldn't be. Heat radiates from Levi like a furnace as Eren's palm slithers closer. At last, Levi snatches his hand in a rough grip and that grip is so tight, it hurts.

Levi pushes open the door and they file out. He slams Eren hard against the wall.

"Don't touch me, you little shit," he hisses.

Eren's breath is short, his chest heaving. His heart thrums wildly and he's uncomfortably hot. He takes the sides of Levi's face—his body is moving on its own.

"What're you doing?"

There's no reply. Eren doesn't know what the hell he's doing.

He smashes his mouth on Levi's. There's a spark. His heart falters only to restart again at a pace twice as quick. His heart beats painfully fast. And he can't control himself. His mouth widens over Levi's and he practically consumes him. He senses Levi's hand come up to his face—he's going to hit him. Eren waits for the pain that Levi is sure to unleash upon him, but it doesn't come. Instead, Levi grabs the back of Eren's head to deepen the kiss.

His fingers tangle in Eren's hair while his tongue flicks across Eren's bottom lip then slips between his teeth. Eren is too eager to be shocked by Levi's reaction. He's ripping at Levi's shirt and feeling over his muscle and that scar he knew would be there. His blood is burning. He knows what he needs now. He needs Levi. And he needs him _now_.

Levi's hands feel over every part of Eren's chest, sides, and back as he presses himself so hard into him that there's no space between them. This kiss—it's desperate and tinged with an impossible sorrow. A sharp pang is sent through Eren. It hurts. Kissing Levi hurts. But he doesn't want to stop. Even though his heart is shattering and his chest is splitting open, he can't break away from Levi. He'll readily fall deeper into agony if it means he'll never have to part from him.

Then Levi tears away, and Eren thinks a piece of his heart is torn apart with him. Levi is breathing hard. His dull eyes aren't so dull, there's a flash behind them and his cheeks are a little heated with color. His eyes narrow as he glares up at Eren.

"…I told you not to touch me, didn't I?" he's breathless and his voice is a rasp.

"What!" Eren's mind is whirling. "You kissed me back! If you didn't want me to touch you, you shouldn't have reacted that way!"

"I also told you to do as I say, not as I do," he growls.

Eren's teeth clench and he twists around Levi so that he's the one cornered against the wall. "You make no goddamn sense! My mind is chaos because of you!"

Then Eren's mouth is on Levi's again. Levi's lips are small and a little dry and so painfully nostalgic that tears spring in the backs of Eren's eyes. His heart hurts, his chest is empty, and his lips ache from how hard he's kissing Levi.

"Eren?"

Eren breaks off and turns to Mikasa. Her eyes are wide in shock as she falls back a step.

Levi shoves Eren away. He doesn't look at Mikasa. "Take him somewhere safe," he orders.

Mikasa's teeth grit. "Eren, head to the rooftop. I'll be there in a second."

"I'm not going anywhere!"

Her expression darkens. The look on her face is severe and harsh, and Eren knows he should never test her when she gives him that look. He hisses in irritation and reluctantly turns on his heel to leave.

The moment he's gone, Mikasa is in Levi's face snarling at him. "I thought you said you didn't want to be with Eren!"

Levi's reply is a quiet mumble. "I know. I fucked up. But when it comes to Eren, that's all I ever do."

Mikasa glares and her fingers curl into fists. She's angry with him. He told her this would be her chance. She had gotten her hopes up for no reason. She truly believed this time, she'd be able to be with Eren but Levi has taken him from her again and it hurts no less the second time.

"I wish I could hate you. Everything would be easier if I did."

"You never had a problem with it before."

Her hands clutch onto his shoulders and her entire weight is braced against him. Her knees are shaking. Her strength is gone. "How can I hate you after what you did for him?"

Levi's eyes shift away. "If it makes you feel any better, what you think I did for Eren…it's my biggest regret. If I could take it back, I would."

Mikasa's eyes grow wide. "What? You regret saving him?"

At first, Levi doesn't respond and then, "Yeah. He should've died." And there's no emotion there.

The glare on her face eases and her strength is back. She lets him go. "Thanks for telling me that. I won't feel guilty interfering anymore."

He watches as she follows after Eren. Good, he doesn't want her to stop interfering. At the rate he's going, he'll cause Eren more suffering and that's exactly what he's trying to protect Eren from.

He pushes Eren from out of his thoughts. He has to focus now. It's time for him to meet up with his squad. They're waiting.

* * *

It's madness. Everyone is warring with each other—people are trying to leave while others are trying to make it back to the ballroom. And Armin can't find Annie. He's walking by the refreshment's room where he saw her last, when a line of people in black appears. They grip guns in their fists.

"Everyone get on the ground!"

A heavy tense silence reigns as everyone lowers to the floor. Armin crouches behind a table and watches as the people make their way forward.

"We're looking for an Eren Jaeger. Any of you seen him?"

Armin gasps. They must be the guys who killed Eren's mother. Armin tries to get a better look at them but they're too far away. Then another smaller group of people appear, also holding guns, but these people wear uniforms.

"Drop your weapons!"

A trigger is pulled and it's a chain reaction of bullets. Once the rain of gunshots stops, the police stand victorious. The other guys are crumpled in bloody heaps on the floor.

Armin stands and slips into the corridor. He has to find Eren and warn him! At the end of the hall another person clad from head to toe in black suddenly appears. A black hood hides the face, and there's a pistol aimed right at Armin. He freezes and his heart stops. The person pulls the trigger and Armin ducks in fear. But he's not hit. Screams and shouts come from behind him. He whips around and sees police officers fall one by one with each gunshot.

They're all…

Armin sucks in a breath then faces this person who just killed those officers. He's scared but this time, he'll be strong. The person is close now. Armin throws himself at him and attempts to grab the gun, but he's slammed into the wall and crumbles to the floor.

The murderer crouches in front of him. A hot barrel is shoved under Armin's chin and the smell of gunpowder chokes him. He glares even though he's afraid. Sweat gathers at his hairline and his face is drained of color but Eren… he'll protect him just as he's done for Armin throughout the years.

The person stares at Armin and Armin can just make out the eyes in the shadows cast by the hood. He sucks in a startled breath. Those eyes— they're jaded and icy blue…

"Annie?"

She doesn't say anything as she rises to her feet to turn and bolt down the hall. He slumps against the wall. Why Annie…? Why did she just kill those people? And why is she after Eren? He can't keep his promise. He won't be able to look at her the same anymore and he's almost sorry.

* * *

Jean is outside when he realizes he left Marco. _Shit_. He can't believe he forgot about Marco. His body goes rigid when he hears the gunshots and he can't move. Clusters of people are desperately tearing their way out the doors, and Jean searches for Marco's freckled face among them but he can't find him so he shoves his way back inside. He can't leave Marco behind. Bile surges up his throat when he sees the dead bodies in the lobby. Somehow, he swallows it back and continues on. He passes the refreshment's room. He's about to turn into a corridor when he hears the metallic clicking of a gun being cocked.

He turns and is face to face with the barrel of a pistol.

"Do you know Eren Jaeger?"

Jean can't find his voice and the gun is thrust closer to his face.

"Answer me."

"Y-Yeah I know that asshole," he stammers.

"Where is he?"

"I—"

The man is jumped from behind and the gun clatters to the floor. It's Marco. Some kind of statuette is slammed into the man's skull and he collapses.

"M-Marco!"

Blood splatters Marco's face and this is the first time Jean has ever seen him without a smile. He grabs Jean's hand.

"What are you doing here? I saw you get out safely!" he almost sounds angry.

"I couldn't leave you behind!"

Marco glances at him before pulling him back toward the exit. "We've gotta get out."

They run but just before they can make it outside, another man appears, holding a pistol at Jean. Marco shoves Jean out the door but he doesn't manage to miss the bullet himself. It rips through Marco's back and he falls. Jean's arms shoot out, snagging him in the air before he can hit the ground. A police offer intervenes, swiftly taking out the gunman with a single shot.

"Marco!" Jean pulls him out of the way and cradles him in his lap.

Marco looks up at him with his typical smile. "Hey, Jean, there's something I should tell you."

"No, it can wait. You'll be fine." Jean doesn't want to hear any last words from Marco. He'll live. If he can get a medic right now, he'll be okay.

"I know but I want to tell you right now, in case I don't get a chance later."

Jean's teeth gnash together. "You'll have plenty of chances," he confidently assures him.

Marco takes Jean's hand. "I know, but if I don't, I want you to know that I don't mind dying for you a second time."

"What? A second time?"

Marco's smile stretches a bit further as blood bubbles at the corner of his mouth. Then his breath snags and a wince passes over his face. Jean won't let Marco die. Finally, medics appear. They lift Marco onto a stretcher—he's limp in their holds, face pale, and eyes shut, breathing dangerously slow.

"You better not die, you bastard!" Jean yells after the ambulance as they speed away.

* * *

"You shouldn't be around Levi anymore," Mikasa tells Eren.

They're on the rooftop sitting behind one of the giant boilers. Sirens scream below them. More police have arrived.

Eren's head snaps toward her. "Why?"

"He's not good for you. He'll only be a burden on you."

Eren's tongue clicks against his teeth impatiently. "Tch. You don't know him."

"I know him better than you think." She takes Eren's hand and looks straight into his eyes. "If you get any closer to him, you'll suffer and I don't want to see you in pain."

He jerks his hand from out of hers. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm already suffering and he's the only thing that keeps me on my feet."

Mikasa sucks in an audible breath, an agonized look screwing into her face. Regret twists Eren's gut. He didn't mean to hurt Mikasa's feelings.

"I'm sorry. You've done so much for me and I'm grateful, but I can't stay away from him. It hurts more to be separated from him than it is to be at his side."

"Eren…please, you don't understand," and it's a plea that frustrates Eren even more.

"Then make me understand!" he shouts at her.

She looks away. "I…can't do that."

Anger rises to the surface inside him. He leaps to his feet. "Fine. I'll figure it out on my own." Then he's heading to the stairwell.

Instantly, Miaksa is on his heels. "Wait! It's not safe!"

But he ignores her and races off.

* * *

Levi is on the second floor and sees his squad below surveying the lobby. Bodies lay sprawled on the ground with pools of blood around them. It's a sight he's used to. Death has always been part of Levi's routine, back in the past and now, a part of his future. Levi takes out his gun and descends the stairs. He hears shouting voices and recognizes Eld's amongst them.

"Drop the gun!"

_Shit_… His squad is being attacked. He won't let them down a second time. Levi leaps over the rail. Gunshots break through the still air and he sees Gunther fall up ahead. The distance between Levi and the gunmen is too far, but Levi has a keen eye and his ability with a gun is deadlier than anyone else's. He pulls the trigger without giving a moment's hesitance. The men are hit right in their chests and plummet to the floor.

Petra lowers to her knees next to Gunther. She presses her palms into his wound to slow the bleeding. "He needs a medic!"

A group of people comes in with a stretcher. He's loaded on it and ushered outside.

"There's so many of them," Levi mutters. "More than I'd been expecting."

The automatic doors slide open and the backup officers finally come through. The last to stride in is Erwin, and he comes to a stop at Levi's side.

Levi looks up at him from the corner of his eye. "You took your goddamn time. Were you taking a long shit?"

Erwin ignores that. "I'm impressed you got all of the students out safely."

"We have the officers who gave their lives to thank for that."

Erwin's steel eyes are hard, mouth pressed into a tight line. "I see," he murmurs.

"They're armed and deadly," Levi informs him. "They're probably making their way up to the higher floors now."

"Then we'll just have to catch them before they make it to the roof."

They creep farther into the hotel in a perilous search for the rest of the gunmen. Once they reach the stairwell, Levi motions for the others to keep going. They continue on down the hall as he slips through the door. Cautiously, he makes his way upward. He treads up a few flights toward the top floor. It's quiet and he has to muffle his footsteps to keep from giving away his position. His ears ring with the absolute silence. Then he hears a door slam open and when he looks up, he catches a glimpse of black material ahead of him. Quickly, he's on the pursuit.

The moment he makes it to the next floor, a small person dressed in all black swings a fist at him. He catches it and pushes the person against the wall. The door leading into the floor's corridor swings open and Mikasa is suddenly there. The person Levi has trapped against the wall raises a gun at her but Levi yanks the person away. A boot comes crashing down on his knee, there's a sickening crack, and pain shoots up his leg. He stumbles. While grating his teeth together, he holds his breath and claws at his distorted knee.

The person escapes out the door and Levi has to push through the pain to chase after him. Mikasa is at his side and together, they pursue him. They don't run very far because this person has slipped up—he ran right into a dead end. He turns around, facing Levi and Mikasa.

"I know it's you, Annie" Levi states as he holds his gun pointed at her.

She lowers her hood but says nothing.

"You'll betray Armin again?" Mikasa demands in disbelief.

There's no reaction, her eyes are blank and empty. "Again?"

"She doesn't remember," Levi mutters. Then he notices something he should've noticed a while ago. "Mikasa… where's Eren?"

She avoids his eye. "He…ran off."

Levi's brow twitches with irritation. "That goddamn idiot never does anything he's told."

And right as he says that, Eren appears. But instead of feeling relieved by the sight of him, Levi turns cold all over. The look on Eren's face is ruthless and dark. It warps his face until he doesn't even appear human. His arm extends toward Annie and a gun is gripped tightly in his hand.

"You're with the people who killed my mother?!" he exclaims. "_Why_?"

His arm trembles as he holds the gun at Annie, his knuckles white with tension. It's not because he's afraid or hesitant— he's trembling with rage. He really will kill her.

"Wait, Eren, put down the gun," Levi orders. He's seen that uncontrollable fury within Eren many times so he immediately recognizes it. He has to get Eren to come to his senses. If he kills Annie, Levi won't be able to protect him from the law. Eren will have to face the consequences of his actions.

But he's ignored and Eren steps closer to her.

"You acted like you were a friend. You acted like you cared about Armin but it was all an act, wasn't it?" he snarls and there's no compassion.

His thumb flicks off the safety.

"Eren! Put it down, right now!" Levi barks. "If you shoot her, I'll have to arrest you."

Eren pauses but he doesn't put down the gun. His eyes are narrowed at Annie as he growls, "I don't care."

Eren's finger curls around the trigger but before it can go off, Levi grapples him. He kicks Eren's legs out from under him and wrenches the gun from his hand.

Levi stands over Eren, scowling down at him. "Idiot, don't shoot an eyewitness."

His attention is brought back to Annie when she loudly slumps against the wall. She drops to her knees and Levi crouches next to her. Her body tips forward right into his arms. The warm blood seeping from her back soaks his hands, and tears spill down her face. Then her eyelids fall shut.

"She's been injured. We need a medic ASAP."

Mikasa is gone to find one, and Levi takes out his phone. He quietly informs Erwin of the current situation before hanging up. Eren is still sitting on the ground, hunched over and head hanging to his chest.

"Eren, are you injured at all?"

He doesn't reply.

"Eren?"

Halfheartedly, he meets Levi's eye. His face is drained and he looks sick. "I…almost shot Annie. If you hadn't stopped me, I would've…" His face falls into the palms of his hands. "I'm a monster, aren't I?"

"Don't be stupid. You hesitated. If you were a real monster, you wouldn't have thought twice about killing her."

Eren looks up at him and his intense eyes are blazing with agony. He hates himself—that's clear from the look on his face and it hurts Levi to see that. Nothing has changed. They might be in a completely different world, but really nothing has changed.

Eventually, the medics make it there and they lift Annie from Levi's lap. He struggles to climb to his feet and has to bite his tongue when his knee buckles.

Then Eren is there. "Officer Levi! Your leg!" he cries right into his ear.

"You're so loud."

Levi attempts to walk but he shouldn't be putting any weight on his leg—he'll only damage it more. Eren takes Levi's arm and wraps it around his shoulder.

"I'll bring you to the ambulance."

"I don't need it," Levi objects.

"Yes, you do," Eren won't let Levi refuse medical help. He leads Levi to the elevators and back down to the lobby.

* * *

In the end, Eren couldn't make Levi go to the hospital. He was adamant about not going. The medics didn't do much except ice his leg and somehow he was able to walk on it, but Eren wonders if he was concealing his true discomfort in order to avoid a trip to the emergency room. Since Levi had been injured, he was released early and now, they're back at the apartment. Eren helps Levi into his room. Eren has never been in Levi's room, and he's not surprised to see it's just as orderly and barren as the rest of the apartment.

He guides Levi to the bed and sets him down on the edge.

"How does your leg feel? Does it hurt?" Eren asks with earnest concern.

Levi's response is bitter and curt. "My knee is fucking shattered. What do you think?"

Worry pulls at Eren's brow. "Are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital?"

Levi adjusts himself on the mattress, and gives a dismissive wave of his hand. "It's fine."

The holsters and straps unbuckle from around Levi and he tosses them to the side. He fingers the buttons at the front of his shirt then swiftly pulls them apart. Heat surges to Eren's face—he can't watch Levi undress without feeling nervous about it.

"Can you get me some bandages and pain killers? They're in the bathroom cabinet."

Eren breathes out an internal sigh of relief as he shoots to his feet. He needs a moment to breathe. "Sure. Be right back."

Eren finds a package of wrappings to bind his knee with and a bottle of medicine that should alleviate some of his pain. When he returns, he almost drops the supplies in his hands. That breather he'd just taken was for nothing because Levi isn't wearing anything but his black boxer briefs, and the sight of his nearly naked body makes Eren's heart seize.

When he finally snaps back to his senses, he takes a seat next to Levi. First, Levi snatches the bottle and swallows down a few pills before taking up the bandages. He attempts to wrap his own injury but he's having difficulty so Eren gently pulls the bandages from out of his hand.

Levi allows Eren to hold his leg. It's small and pale. A purple color is blossomed across the swollen, enflamed fresh over his kneecap, drastically contrasting with the rest of the smooth skin of his leg. Eren ducks low and his face is close to the injury. It looks really painful.

"What're you doing?" Levi questions suspiciously.

But Eren doesn't say anything as he presses his lips against Levi's knee. It's soft from the inflammation and Eren is careful not to apply too much pressure. Levi's leg twitches under his lips but it doesn't move from out of Eren's reach.

Eren softly murmurs into his bruised skin, "Thank you. You've done so much for me."

Levi is silent. Eren straightens up then tenderly, with slow deliberation, binds the bandages around his busted knee. A hiss escapes from between Levi's teeth when Eren turns his leg a bit too far.

"Sorry…"

Once it's taped up good, Eren carefully settles his leg on top of a pillow to elevate it. Fingertips brush over the soft material of the bandages then travel higher and run the length of the soft muscle of Levi's inner thigh. Eren's eyes thoughtlessly rove over Levi's bare chest—he's sculpted with hard muscle while scars, that are somehow familiar, litter his fair skin.

"Eren…" and Levi's voice is a low warning.

Eren hesitates then meets Levi's sharp, silvery stare. He leans in closer to him and Levi reels back, accidentally knocking against the headboard. He has nowhere to go as Eren cups a hand over his cheek and tilts into him.

"Stop…" Levi hisses. "Don't come any closer."

But Eren doesn't back away. His face is centimeters from Levi's. He can feel his own breath reflect back at him from off Levi's mouth. "Why? The way you kissed me before made it seem like this would be okay."

Levi's reply is quick. "That was a mistake."

"Then let's make another one."

Eren tries to close the distance between their faces but Levi turns away.

"Forget that, Eren. It won't happen again."

"No. I'll always remember."

And he takes Levi's face and presses their lips together. He's gentle. It's not at all like the kiss they shared earlier. At first, Levi doesn't react then his lips part. Eren is about to deepen it when Levi's teeth are sharp on his bottom lip and cut him. Eren recoils.

"Ow…" he wipes his knuckles against his mouth and red comes back. "You bit me…"

He looks up at Levi, and his eyes are directed at the wall, pointedly avoiding Eren. "I told you no."

Eren's eyes fall and he backs away. "I'm… sorry. I didn't mean to force myself onto you. It's just…" Eren shakes his head and cracks out a tinny laugh from his own stupidity. "Never mind. Make sure you keep your leg propped so the swelling goes down."

He rises to his feet but there's a grip on his wrist before he can leave.

"Wait…"

He looks down at Levi and waits but Levi doesn't say anything then his fingers slowly uncurl from around his wrist.

"Never mind. Good night."

Eren sighs. "Yeah…"

He closes the door behind him and curls up on the futon. Nothing makes sense. He shakes a little and covers his face with a pillow. He doesn't understand anything. His mind is falling apart. He's crumbling on the inside.

_Don't remember me._

Maybe he shouldn't try to remember anymore. It's too painful. Maybe that person is right. Maybe it's better if he just lets himself forget...


	5. Chapter 5: Ymir and Krista

_Lost Memories..._

It's been weeks since Eren realized he had feelings for the captain, and now that he's realized, he can't stop thinking about him. He's always admired Captain Levi. He's his life's hero. Eren just isn't sure when admiration turned into something else. Eren has to tell the captain of his feelings because he can't think of anything else, and his focus is being affected. He can't fight while his mind is fixated on Levi. That's why he has to come clean and tell him. Eren thinks it'll lessen the burden on his shoulders, but he's afraid of how the captain will react. Will he be disgusted? Eren guesses that's just a risk he's going to have to take.

After dinner Eren follows Captain Levi as he heads to his sleeping quarters. His heart pounds in his ears, his mouth running dry.

"Captain, can I talk to you for a minute?" His voice is unsteady and low in volume.

Levi pauses and turns to face Eren. "What about?"

Eren swallows and takes in a deep calming breath through his nose. His heart is going to burst right out of him if it keeps thrashing away in his chest like this. "Well, there's something that's been bothering me."

Eren holds tight to his stomach. It feels like it's about to fly away from all the butterflies that flurry inside it. "My stomach feels funny and I don't think I can keep it back any longer."

Levi's brows crease as he stares up at Eren. "If you need to take a shit, you know where to go and do that. You don't need to tell me about it."

Eren groans in frustration. He didn't mean to say that... "No, that's not it! I'm being serious!"

"So am I," Levi deadpans.

Eren sighs and his hands shoot out. He clutches onto Levi's fingers while looking him dead in the eye. "Just hear me out."

Levi studies their entwined fingers for a moment before his silvery eyes flick back up to Eren. "Then spit it out already."

Eren's grip tightens around Levi's fingers. His knees shake and blood rushes to his head. He's dizzy and can't breathe, but somehow he forces out the words. "I… like you, Captain, and it's not an admiration sort of like, it's more than that." The confession sounds surreal to Eren's own ears. Did he really just say that out loud?

Levi blinks then the corner of his mouth pulls down a fraction. "You need to be clearer."

Eren backs Levi into the wall and takes the sides of his face. "I think I might be in love with you." Then to prove this, he sucks in a breath then tentatively presses his lips onto Levi's small mouth.

Their lips touch for a split second then a swift fist comes slamming at Eren's temple, and he's sent sprawling back with a pained groan. The back of Levi's wrist wipes at his own mouth as he glares at Eren.

"Don't touch me, you little shit," he hisses. His eyes dart down the hall in both directions. Then he takes a step forward, jabbing a finger at Eren's chest. "Do you have any brains inside that hollow head of yours? If someone had seen that, do you realize the problems it would cause? I could be discharged for that."

Eren straightens up and grasps Levi's shoulders. "I'm sorry. I just need you to know that I'm serious."

Levi knocks Eren's hands away. "You're my subordinate, and I'm too old for you. Go kiss on your girlfriend and leave me out of it."

He turns to leave but Eren snatches his wrist. "Stop! Please, Captain… Don't brush this off as some brat's stupid crush. I've never felt this way about anyone before. It's frustrating and painful, so please…don't just ignore it." Eren's heart can't take anymore of this. He needs Captain Levi to acknowledge his feelings even if it's only to reject him.

Levi turns over his shoulder to look at Eren. His silvery eyes penetrate deep into him as if seeing into his very core and reading every thought that passes through his mind. A sigh is unleashed from Levi's chest, his features softening slightly. "Even if I did take it seriously, there's nothing I could do. The best thing for you is to forget about me. Forget your feelings and move on."

Eren holds onto Levi like a lifeline. His heart is brittle in his chest like it'll break at just the thought of forgetting Levi, and he feels sick to his stomach. "But I can't! I'll never be able to forget about you."

Levi wrenches his hand from Eren's grasp and reaches up to Eren's face. His palm hesitates before it settles on his cheek. Levi's palm is warm and coarse against Eren's skin, and Eren leans into his touch with drooping eyelids.

"Listen Eren, don't remember me. It'll be better that way."

Eren goes to cup Levi's hand over his cheek, but Levi flinches away and spins on his heel before he can. Levi leaves without offering another word or another look Eren's way. And then the air is suddenly cold, numbing Eren's heart.

It's been over a week since Eren confessed to the captain, and Levi is acting like he's forgotten the whole thing ever occurred. Eren is cut off from him and that hurts. His heart is crumbling, his mind fraying. He needs to speak with Levi again. He still can't focus. Levi hadn't told Eren how he felt about him. He only made the excuse that it was unacceptable without giving away his own feelings. If Captain Levi doesn't feel the same way about Eren then Eren thinks he'll be able to move on and finally focus, well he hopes he'll be able to move on and focus—that's why he has to confront the captain a second time, and find out once and for all.

Eren's days are filled with experimentation with Hanji so he has to wait until dinner again to see Levi. Since Eren discovered his new ability to control titans, the experiments have been a little more dangerous and a little more taxing on him. He needs to find out how to control this ability for the sake of humanity, and he has to learn quickly. But the thing is, Eren isn't all that great at controlling his own titan. How is he supposed to control other titans too?

They don't take many breaks. Hanji has insisted several times that they slow down with the experimentation, but Eren pushes it. The sooner he learns how to control this ability, the sooner he'll be able to save humanity. Eren looks up and he sees Captain Levi watching. Eren bites down onto his hand but he's out of energy. This is his third time shifting into a titan in a matter of minutes. He's trying to harden his skin like Annie was able to but he has no idea how she managed to do it. And Levi keeps distracting him. He can't focus on his skin while the Captain is right there. His knees shake and he tumbles backward.

"Eren!" Hanji calls as she rushes to his titan face. "You need to rest. Change back now," she says into his pointed ear.

Eren groans, busting out of the nape of his titan's neck. Muscle fibers and flesh are fused to every part of him and keep him tethered to his titan. He struggles and thrashes then Levi is suddenly there, tugging him free. Once his titan degenerates, Eren collapses to his hands and knees, gasping for air. Hanji kneels next to him. She places a hand on his back and gives it a soothing stroke.

"You're doing well, Eren."

Eren gives a bitter scoff. "Not well enough. I still can't harden my skin." Eren's arms tremble as he struggles to keep himself lifted off the ground. His strength is gone. Even if his life depended on it, he couldn't shift into his titan. He's completely drained.

Hanji helps Eren to his feet. His entire weight is braced against her, but she somehow keeps him upright. She leads him inside the hideout and helps him into their little infirmary. It's a small room with a single cot. They don't have many medical supplies and the little number they do have are stored here in this room. He's set down on the cot and she takes his hand. It's gushing blood from the arc at the knuckle of his thumb where he's bitten down into it twenty times over.

"Hanji, I'll take care of him," comes Levi's voice. He appeared from out of nowhere behind her.

She glances at him. "Sure, alright.

He shuts the door behind her, flipping the lock before moving to sit by Eren's side. He takes Eren's impaired hand.

"Does it hurt?"

Eren shakes his head with a grateful smile. "Not anymore." Now that Captain Levi is here, he doesn't feel any of the prior pain. It's all faded.

Levi reaches over Eren and he's so close that Eren can smell his soapy, clean scent. Once a damp cloth is gripped in his hand, he wipes at the blood that's streaming down Eren's forearm and dripping off the tip of his elbow. The cloth is saturated in crimson by the time Levi wipes it all up.

"This will burn," he warns as he takes an antiseptic and another cloth.

When he dabs at his hand, Eren sucks in a sharp hiss through his teeth, and his fingers twitch.

"It's already healing," Levi observes. The blood has begun to clot and scab over, but that doesn't lessen the burning sensation Eren feels.

There's a roll of bandages that Levi grabs and he carefully wraps the soft linen around Eren's hand— first around the crook at his thumb and then around his palm. He bites off the end and neatly ties it. Levi's dressing job is pristine and practiced like he's done it a hundred times. The moment he faces Eren again, Eren's heart falters. He realizes he's alone with Levi just like he wanted to be. He opens his mouth to speak, but Levi beats him to it.

He doesn't look at Eren as he mutters, "If you can't forget about me and you're so distracted that you can't do what you're supposed to do, then you don't give me many options here."

How did Levi know he couldn't harden his skin because he's a distraction to Eren? Is Eren really that obvious?

Levi's dull, silvery eyes flick up to him and he wears an impassive deadpan. "Does your girlfriend know you're homo?"

Eren's face turns bright red. "What? I don't—I'm not—!" he sputters. His thoughts are an incoherent whorl for a moment. When he finally straightens out his mind, he clasps Levi's hand and holds it near his chest. "You're the only person I've ever felt this way about." He mashes Levi's palm against his chest, right over his hammering heart and keeps it held there. "You're the only person who makes my heart race like this."

Levi is silent for a long time, staring at his hand that's pressed onto Eren's chest. His face is unreadable—there's nothing in his expression that gives away anything of what he's thinking or of what he's feeling. His eyes are dull and incomprehensible, and it's so unbelievably exasperating. Eren squirms on the inside.

At last Levi says something, his voice quiet. "If we do this, we have to be careful, understand?"

Eren's breath catches in his throat. "_W-What?_"

Levi leans a bit closer, his other hand rising to Eren's face. He tucks a finger under Eren's jaw. "If I give you this, will you focus? I need you to stop making stupid mistakes."

Eren's brows pull together. "If you give me this…? But I don't want this to be one-sided. I want to know how _you_ feel, Captain."

Levi visibly stiffens, tension setting throughout him. When he doesn't respond after a few moments, Eren tilts into him and Levi's hand falls away from his chin.

"Captain? Are you going to tell me how you feel?"

Levi's gaze shifts to the side. "I don't know the answer. You're an irritating little shit and you're disobedient…"

Eren's mouth runs dry and his pulse quickens. "But?"

"You give humanity hope. You give _me_ hope that we'll finally reach real freedom."

A smile stretches over Eren's mouth. "I understand." It's not exactly what Eren had been hoping for. He'd hoped Levi would profess his secret undying love for Eren but this…Eren can be content with this. It's a step in the direction he wants to go.

Levi focuses on nothing in particular. "What do you want then?"

"Can I kiss you?"

It takes a second for Levi to reply. "You don't have to ask, idiot," he finally murmurs.

Eren curls a finger under Levi's jaw, pulling his face to the side and then upward. Levi's eyes are sharp and deep, and Eren is entirely captivated by him. He couldn't look away even if he wanted to. His lips press against Levi's. They part beneath the slight pressure, and they feel small and a bit dry against his mouth. Then Eren breaks off, the corner of his mouth involuntarily pulling up in a crooked grin.

"Thank you, Captain."

Levi's gaze flicks to the wall as he lazily leans back and crosses an ankle over his knee. "Don't think this is free. It comes with a price."

"Really? What is it?"

From the corner of his eye, Levi watches Eren, and his stare is firm. "You have to save humanity. No matter what."

Eren gives an affirming nod. "I swear I will."

Levi is strict and serious. "You better or I'll kill you."

And Eren believes him.

* * *

It's time to put Armin's plan into play. They're going to try to regain Wall Maria. If things go according to the plan, it shouldn't take long but at the moment, Eren's mind is wandering and it's inevitably being pulled to where the captain is. Eren can't help it. He's fallen too deep by this point to try and control his thoughts.

Levi is going to lead this endeavor, and he seems to have no trouble focusing while Armin and Hanji speak in low voices to him.

Eren steps forward at Levi's side, and without looking up at him, Levi mutters, "What is it?"

Eren leans down to whisper into his ear. "Captain, I can't focus…"

Levi doesn't visibly react as if he were expecting this. "You might be human but you have the attention span of a titan."

He lets out a slow breath and then turns on his heel. "Fine. Follow me."

Eren follows him behind one of the nearby townhouses. The moment they cut around the corner of the building, Eren is suddenly pushed against the wall. Levi fists his shirt, stretching to his toes, and settles his lips on Eren's. Instinctively, Eren's mouth widens. His blood is burning with an unquenchable hunger. He's shoving his tongue through Levi's teeth, and his arm is curling around the small of Levi's back.

Heat overwhelms Eren. It's almost as if he were shifting into a titan—that's how intense the heat is, but instead of being enveloped by hot flesh and muscle fibers, he's reaching far behind Levi's teeth and tasting the spice of Levi's tongue. Levi stumbles back a step, and Eren holds up his weight; he's heavy for such a small man. His hand slithers up the back of Levi's shirt, his palm pressing into the muscle of his bare back. A sound escapes from within Levi's throat. It's obvious he wasn't expecting such a fiery kiss. When he tears away, Eren's saliva coats Levi's lips and strings down his chin. A thumb gently wipes it away, and Eren offers a sheepish smile.

"Er, sorry about that. I couldn't control myself."

But the look on Levi's face isn't what Eren had been anticipating. He's not glaring like Eren thought he'd be. His eyes are half-lidded, his cheeks a little heated. Eren's heart quirks at that look. He cups the side of Levi's face.

"Captain? Are you okay?"

His eyes snap into focus and they're now sharp on Eren. "Are you able to focus now?"

Eren nods.

"Good. Let's get back."

He's about to step back out into the open when Eren stops him.

"Hold on, your shirt is messed up…" Eren carefully fixes Levi's shirt behind the holster that's strung around his slender waist, and he can vaguely hear the rest of Squad Levi talking.

"Where did Captain Levi and Eren go?" Sasha wonders aloud.

"They're gone?" Jean says, eyes surveying the small area.

Eren and Levi quickly reappear before they can ask any more questions.

"There they are," Connie points out.

Levi passes them and returns to Hanji while Eren goes to stand next to Mikasa. She's eyeing him suspiciously.

"What?" he questions.

Her dark eyes are slightly tapered at him. "Where did you go off to with the captain?"

Eren is horrible at lying. He's an honest person, and even if he did lie, there's no way Mikasa would buy it. "We were behind a townhouse," he quietly admits.

Mikasa's brows furrow. "Why?"

Eren bites his lip and doesn't answer that question, instead he replies with, "Stop asking so many questions. You're not my mother or even my older sister."

But she's not sidetracked by his snippy response. "What were you two doing, Eren?" and her voice is low and demanding.

He scowls at her. "It's none of your business," he snaps.

He turns to walk away, but she takes hold of his shoulder and whips him around to face her. Her eyes rove over every part of his face. Then her thumb lightly wipes at his chin.

"You have spit on your face. Were you drooling over the captain again?"

Eren jolts in shock and his eyes bug. "_What…?_"

Her eyes widen in surprise, realization seeming to hit her. "No…that's not it," and she's breathless as if all the air has been knocked from out of her lungs, "You were _swapping_ spit with him weren't you…" A damaged expression Eren doesn't understand twists the features of her face.

"Mikasa, what are you talking about?" he manages to choke out.

She doesn't look at him. "Just be careful," and there's a slight quiver in her soft voice. "A broken heart isn't easy to fix, and Levi doesn't have a heart. He can't understand that sort of pain." Then she turns her back on him and walks away before he can refute.

Eren wants to yell after her but that'd call too much attention to them. He knows in his heart that she's wrong. Levi may be cold but he's not heartless.

* * *

_Present..._

Jean holds Marco's hand. He's got all these wires and tubes connected to him, and his freckled face is gray in color. The bastard hasn't opened his eyes in two days. He's breathing fine, and the nurses are feeding him through some sort of tube. But Jean is scared. He hates to admit that he's terrified for Marco's life. He doesn't know what he'll do if Marco doesn't wake up soon. The doctor says he should wake up at any time. The wound was critical but it could've been worse. The bullet ripped through dangerously close to his spinal cord and had just missed it. He should be okay now, but why isn't he opening his eyes?

"I would've brought you flowers but that'd be gay," Jean remarks offhandedly. He won't let anyone see how afraid he is, not even Marco.

"But if you wanted flowers, I'd get them for you. You just gotta tell me what you want." Jean leans closer and squeezes Marco's lifeless hand. "Wake up, goddammit, and tell me what you want."

Jean is so close to Marco's face that he could count every freckle that speckles his nose and cheekbones. What Marco had said before he passed out replays in the forefront of Jean's mind: I don't mind dying for you a second time.

A second time? What does that even mean? "Hey Marco, what you said before, I don't get it. Will you tell me what it means?"

Marco doesn't stir.

"You know, it's kinda weird 'cause sometimes it sorta feels like I've known you my whole life even though we met for the first time freshman year…"

Jean sighs and turns quiet, "I probably sound insane and I don't know what I'm trying to say… But I'm gonna pretend for a second that what you said before wasn't just some crazy bullshit."

He continues after giving a short pause and wrapping both hands around Marco's, holding it tight. "I want you to know that dying for me once is a time too many. So you better wake up before I strangle you."

But Marco sleeps on…

Jean isn't the only student visiting the hospital. Armin is also there sitting at Annie's side. The doctor said she'd been anemic—too much blood had been lost, and she hovered on the verge of death. They had to give her transfusions to bring her back, but while her physical health is restored, her brain activity is abnormally low. She's in a comatose state and she might not ever wake from it.

This is a problem. She's the only person the police managed to nab alive, and she holds knowledge that they desperately need. They need to question her but they can't if she's in a coma. This is an issue for everyone, especially Eren, but it cuts Armin the deepest. He can't quit repeating Annie's words before she disappeared. She'd given him so many clues of her intention, but he'd been shortsighted by his feelings for her and now her words haunt him.

She lies as still as a corpse with a monitor hooked into her arm that beeps in measured, even intervals. She doesn't look sickly though. Her skin is just as bright and lustrous as it was when they danced together. It's as if she were simply asleep, and if he shook her shoulder a bit, she'd open her icy blue eyes and look upon his face. Her arms had fit so perfectly around his neck and her back had felt small against the palms of his hands when they danced. He doesn't want to believe Annie is a murderer.

"Annie… I can't keep my promise. I can't look at you the same…"

He reaches out a hand, and his fingertips brush over her arm. He's hesitant to touch her. He's always been hesitant to touch her. But now, he's afraid if he touches her, he'll forget what she did. He's afraid he'll forgive her and he can't do that—not when Eren's life is at stake.

"You could have killed me. It would've been better for you if you had. I was the one who told Officer Levi it was you, Annie. That's how he knew. And I was the one who told him where you were headed. You probably wouldn't have been caught if it weren't for me."

He found Officer Levi not long after he discovered Annie's identity, and when Armin told Levi what had happened, it didn't take very much convincing and he didn't seem surprised either. Armin will always be on Eren's side no matter whom he's up against—even if it's someone whose captured his heart like Annie did. Armin is ashamed that his heart still flutters when he sees Annie's face and right now, it's doing just that. His heart is fluttering away and Armin wishes he could bury his heart deep inside his chest so he can't feel it anymore.

"…I want to know why you did it. If you can tell me that then maybe I can keep my promise."

Armin leans over her, gazing down at her lax and peaceful, sleeping face. He brushes the tips of her hair from out of her eyes. "But you can't do that if you're asleep." He leans down and presses his lips to her forehead. "So please wake up. I don't want to think of you as a bad person anymore."

The door opens and Armin jerks upright. Doctor Hanji and Officer Levi walk in.

"Hey Armin, has her status changed any?" Hanji asks as she moves to the other side of Annie's bed.

Armin gives a disheartened shake of his head. "No, she's still out cold."

Officer Levi leans against the wall, arms crossed and eyes tossed toward Annie. "You did well, Armin."

Armin's fingers tug anxiously at one another in his lap. "I should've known. I should've realized sooner that something was wrong. She kept saying…"

Levi's arms fall to his sides, and he looks at Armin. "You can't know what others are thinking."

"He's right," Hanji agrees. "I've been a psychiatrist for years and I still don't know what goes on in people's minds. So you can't blame yourself. You couldn't have known."

Armin's eyes fall to the floor and he nods but he still feels like he should've known. He should've seen this coming because it's almost like déjà vu. He feels like this has happened before. He feels like maybe he'd dreamt about this same thing before. And he's fallen for it a second time.

* * *

Levi is acting like nothing has happened between him and Eren. He hasn't said anything to Eren about that kiss, and he's been keeping a constant distance away from him. He's been colder than he's ever been, and that painful emptiness is excruciating. Levi hasn't said much to Eren at all but he did brief him of the current situation. He told him about Annie's coma and how they won't be able to pump any information out of her. They're at a dead end with no leads, and Eren's father is still missing. All they can do now is keep looking for the culprits and protect Eren.

They're on their way to school. It's in the middle of the week. The school closed down for a few days due to the shootings but now it's open again. It's silent in Levi's car as Eren gazes out the window and watches the world pass by. His heart feels heavy in his chest like it'll sink to the bottom of his stomach, and his shoulders are weighed down by the guilt of endangering everyone's lives. It ruthlessly crushes him. All the lives lost, all of the betrayal, it's all because of Eren, and he's so sorry to everyone.

He glances at Levi from the corner of his eye. He's been using his injured leg but that wince that flashes across his face every once in a while doesn't go by unnoticed. Eren is very much aware of Levi's pain, and that's his fault too. There isn't anything he can do though. Levi won't even let him wrap up his knee after what happened that first time.

"I'm sorry…" Eren sighs.

Levi is quiet. "What for?"

There's too much Eren is sorry for to say in one apology. "I'm sorry for being such a burden." He can start there.

Levi glances at him. "It's my job to protect you."

"I…don't want others risking their lives protecting me. I want to protect myself. That's why I…" That's why he almost shot Annie. He was tired of everyone else fighting for him while he idly stood by and did nothing.

"Eren, you can either rely on your own strength or the strength of others. You can trust me or you can trust yourself, but the choice is yours to make. That's something I could never advise you on. All we can do is make the choices we think we'll regret the least."

Eren gasps aloud as something in his mind flares. He sees silvery eyes and hears a gravely voice—that person, Eren thinks that person said similar words once. Those words, he's definitely heard them before. He finally looks at Levi. "What did you say?"

Levi eyes him with a dull stare. "I can't advise you on something like that. It's your choice to make."

"…Making the choice I'll regret the least," Eren murmurs to himself, mind reeling and fuzzy images flashing before his eyes. "I think I've heard that before… a long time ago…"

Levi says nothing for a moment while he watches the road ahead of them then he gives a shrug. "Guess I'm not very original."

Eren stares at him lost in thought before his eyes return to the world outside.

* * *

"The police force will be posted around the school's campus for a while," the principal says into the microphone.

The entire student body has been gathered into the auditorium for an urgent assembly. Police officers border the room and scan the heads of the students. The lighting is dim except for the single spotlight on stage. The principal, alongside a tall man with blonde hair and a uniform, stand in the light at the front of the room. A small line of other officers stands off a little ways to the side in the shadows. The tallest one with dark hair has an arm in a sling—he must've been injured in the shooting.

"We're fortunate no students' lives were lost, and we owe the officers who gave their lives protecting them our gratitude. Let's give a moment of silence to those officers."

A long silence ensues.

In the crowd of students, Krista takes Ymir's hand and entwines their fingers. Ymir looks down at her. Krista's bottom lip trembles slightly, her tear-blue eyes glassy. Ymir unleashes a sigh. Krista is too sensitive. Those officers knew what they were doing. They knew the risks. And as far as Ymir is concerned, as long as no one discovers Krista's true identity, she doesn't care how many officers die protecting that idiot, Eren Jaeger. He's none of her concern.

All she cares about is Historia—or Krista. She has to keep reminding herself that she can't call Krista by her true name. If anyone finds out that Krista is actually Historia Reiss, they'll be in big trouble. Historia has family ties to an important aristocratic family involved in a certain department of the government—the same department Eren's father was involved with, and if those guys are after Eren then they'll undeniably be after Historia too.

Historia had to change her name to Krista and was forced to enroll here in this school as a transfer student. Ymir knew right away who she was. She'd grown up hearing stories about some rich girl who was hated and disowned by her family in a town not far from here. And Ymir dreamed of meeting this girl. How could a child's family hate her? For everyone to hate her, there must be something really screwy about this girl—even screwier than Ymir. And Ymir has never met another person as messed up as herself.

When Ymir first met Historia, she was jaded and unresponsive to anything Ymir said. In fact, she avoided Ymir completely, but Ymir kept pushing and pushing until finally she cracked. She told Ymir everything and now, Ymir will do everything in her power to protect her. No one, least of all Historia, deserves to be shut out and treated like trash. Ymir was wrong. There's nothing screwy about Historia.

Historia has more compassion and more kindness than one person should ever have. It's a burden on her. It keeps her from doing anything for herself. She's selfless and she'll readily give her life to anyone who asks for it. So if Historia doesn't care to keep on living then Ymir will just have to force her to keep going. She'll make sure Historia keeps breathing even if each breath is an effort for her because Historia makes Ymir feel whole. Ymir has always felt a piece missing from her and Historia is the only person who fits where that piece is gone.

The principal is talking again and he hands the microphone to the chief of the police force.

The chief has a deep commanding voice that grabs the attention of every student in the auditorium. "My name is Chief Erwin Smith. Our duty is to protect the students here in this school, and you have my word that we'll do everything in our power to do that. So don't fear. Continue studying and living the way you normally would. We won't leave you unprotected."

"Ya know, I don't mind having the cops around. That small officer is nice to look at," some guy whispers behind Ymir.

There's a chuckle. "Yeah, she's cute. I don't know many women with red hair."

"I wasn't talking about her. I was talking about the one with the dark hair and the grey eyes."

"The man?" is the incredulous reply.

The first guy gives a quiet laugh and his response is predatory. "Yeah, I'd tear so far into his tight ass he couldn't stand up straight."

"You're disgusting, you faggot," but there's no real spite and they snicker together.

Ymir groans. Boys are such pigs. Her grip tightens around Krista's hand and she looks at her. Krista is beautiful inside and out. She's all Ymir needs. She pulls Krista's hand upward and places a chaste kiss on the back of it. And when Krista looks up at her with her round, blue eyes, a small smile on her plush mouth, Ymir's pulse quickens. It doesn't matter how many times Krista looks at her, Ymir's heart will always falter and fail the moment those tear-blue eyes lock on her.


	6. Chapter 6: A Chance to be Selfish

Thanks for the reviews, follows, and favorites. It means the world to me.

* * *

There's an ear-splitting scream that shatters the air to pieces. Mikasa gasps aloud. That voice… her feet rush her in the direction of that voice. She's racing to it. It's not a scream of horror or even of shock—it's one of absolute anguish, a cry of all hope being lost. It's the sound of a heart splintering into grains so small it could never be put back together again.

The hairs on her arms rise at the sound, a chill sliding up her spine. She pumps her legs faster and widens each stride. Disfigured corpses, waves of gore, thick, slippery entrails— her boots fly over it all unnoticed. She bypasses everything, without caring who the people are that lie at her feet, because that voice…it sounds like…

Her flying feet come to an abrupt halt at the sight of Eren hunched over, clinging to a small, tattered mess of a body. He holds this person in his lap and his mouth is smashed so hard against a washed out face that their noses crush into one another and the corners of their mouths visibly strain. His fingers clutch a well-defined jaw, forcing the mouth wide open, as he mashes his lips against withered, bloody ones.

That's when she realizes just whom Eren holds in his arms. Humanity's Strongest… has fallen. Levi's skin is pale as marble and just as lifeless. His limbs are split and shattered—white bone breaking through filaments of red, serrated flesh like jagged teeth. But his chest is heaving, how can he be breathing?

Then the heaving pauses as Eren straightens up and looks at Mikasa. Blood cakes his lips, his eyes glassy and desperate. "Mikasa!" he cries, "You're stronger than me! Do chest compressions or something!"

She realizes Levi wasn't breathing; Eren had been forcing breath into his lungs. Mikasa takes a shaky step forward but when she gets a better look at Levi, she sees there's nothing for her to do compressions on. Levi's chest—it's completely blown away. So many bullets have torn through him that nothing is left but a gaping hole where the blood is so thick it appears black.

"Eren…" There isn't anything she can do. There isn't anything anyone can do now.

"Mikasa!" he shrieks at her. "Please!" His eyes are blazing with an impossible sorrow.

Tears pull in the backs of her eyes. "Eren," she cracks, "He's…"

Eren's teeth gnash together, his face twisting and distorting into an expression of unbearable agony. Deep folds and hard shadows etch into his face like crooked fissures cracking into stone. He's a burning person—the suffering displayed on his face is that of a person being burnt alive. Tears fall from his eyes in rivulets down his grimy face.

Then he's yelling, his eyes in slits directed at Levi. "You said we'd see the ocean together!" he snarls at him. "You're a goddamn liar!"

He chokes as he collapses to Levi's nonexistent chest. Eren's arms are around Levi squeezing him too tightly. The muscles lacing Eren's arms ripple with the strain and his entire body shakes. More blood gushes out Levi's open wounds, splashing onto Eren's clothes and skin, and more of his bones sickeningly snap in Eren's grip—his corpse is further bent out of shape the longer Eren holds onto him.

Mikasa clutches Eren's arm and tugs. "Eren, stop…" She needs him to stop. Seeing him like this is tearing her to shreds. "Please…stop," she begs.

But Eren doesn't stop. His mouth slams on Levi's cracked lips and Mikasa can't tell if he's kissing him or if he's trying to suck out what's left of Levi's essence that might still be lingering inside him. It's a deep, desperate kiss and it leaves wet tracks on Levi's unresponsive mouth.

"Captain…" he chokes against Levi's lackluster skin. "You can't leave me here… at least take me with you."

The tears that spill from Eren's eyes drip onto Levi's cheeks and roll down the planes of his battered face, making it appear as if those tears belong to him instead of Eren. But Mikasa can't imagine Levi crying. Not even in this moment, could she see an actual tear fall from Levi's sharp, silvery eyes. And those silvery eyes, they'll never reopen and Mikasa sincerely, from the bottom of her heart, wants them to. She can't stand seeing Eren suffering like this.

A thumb wipes away the droplets then a palm caresses the side of Levi's ashen face. "I need you, Captain," and Eren's whisper is trembling and broken.

He's bent over Levi again and this time, he settles a gentle kiss on his frozen mouth. Levi's lips are still supple, parting beneath the slight pressure. The way Eren kisses him is so natural it seems like Levi will reach up to wind his broken arms around his neck and pull him closer. But that doesn't happen. All remains still.

"Eren Jaeger! Don't move or we'll shoot!"

Mikasa whips around. They're surrounded by Military Police with rifles aimed threateningly at Eren. But Eren doesn't move. Tension is thick in the air. Everyone stares at him while he kisses the corpse of Humanity's Strongest and nobody objects this public display of affection. At last, Eren slowly shifts away and looks up at the people around him.

The intensity that normally flickers behind his eyes is completely quenched—he appears just as dead as the man in his arms. He carefully maneuvers out from under Levi's body and tenderly settles him on the ground with a loving gentleness that Mikasa has never seen him use before. A last stroke of Levi's porcelain cheek with the back of his hand before he's on his feet and taking deliberate steps toward the Military Police. They stiffen, guns rising to Eren's face.

"Stop!"

But Eren doesn't even hesitate as he approaches. He's right in front of one of them, glaring down the hollow barrel of the gun thrust in his face. "Do it," he orders in a growl. "Shoot me."

No one moves so Eren takes the barrel then forcibly buries the tip into his own chest. "I told you to do it!" he bellows. "Isn't that what you guys want?"

And still nothing happens.

His voice becomes low and acidic, "If you don't kill me right now, then I _will_ kill you. Each one of you damn Military Police deserves to die."

Hanji is suddenly there and she takes Eren's shoulder then shoves him backward away from the gun. "Eren, that isn't true. You know that. Just as all Scouts don't deserve to live, not all Military Police deserve to die."

Eren whirls on her. He throws a finger at Levi's motionless body as he blackly rasps, "This is their fault! I want to rip them apart, with _all_ my heart!"

A Military Police soldier angrily interjects. "_Our_ fault? _You're_ the monster here! If it weren't for you, he'd still be alive!"

Eren's fists clench and he trembles. He doesn't look at the soldier as he responds. "I know what I am," and he sounds controlled and collected but at the same time, Mikasa can hear the hysteria just beneath the surface that's bubbling up from the depths. "So why haven't you killed me yet?"

Hanji spins Eren around to face her. "You saved the human race! No one's going to kill you! I won't let them."

Eren doesn't react and his eyes have that dying light of lost faith. Humanity's Last Hope has pulled through, he's restored everyone's hope and their future, but his own hope has been stolen from him and so has his future—they both lie shattered in the blood soaked dust a meter away from him.

"…We're not going to let you throw away your own life either," Hanji quietly adds, fingers tightening on his shoulders.

Eren turns away and his eyes lock on Levi. "What if I don't want it?" he mutters so quietly that his words are almost lost to the bitter wind.

After knocking Hanji's hands away, he turns. As soon as he's at Levi's side, his knees buckle and he crumbles to Levi's caved chest. It's impossible to tell which one's still breathing and which one isn't, that's how motionless Eren is. There's a painful lump in Mikasa's throat as she stands next to him. She lowers to a crouch and touches his shoulder.

"You can't forget about us. We still need you, Eren. So please, don't give up."

At first, Eren doesn't react and she wonders if he heard her. But then his head tilts up a fraction and his voice is muffled against what's left of Levi's Scouting cloak. "How can you ask me to keep going when it hurts to even breathe?"

Then Eren leans back and his fingers lovingly thread through Levi's dark, stringy hair, sweeping it from out of his serene sleeping face. Blood is clumped to his scalp and bruises are blossomed in dark, violet flowers across his sharp cheekbones.

A calloused thumb lightly runs the length of Levi's bottom lip. Even in death, Levi captivates Eren's eyes. "Every beat of my heart is a stab of pain, because without him… everything is cold..."

The breath is knocked from out of Mikasa. Her arms fling around Eren, embracing him tightly. "Don't say that… please… hold on." He feels brittle in her arms like he'll break in her grasp. But she doesn't loosen her hold. She's afraid he'll slip away and disappear if she does.

"…Why?"

Her hand settles on his cheek and she turns his face towards hers. Grime and blood stick to Eren's skin but there are visible streaks beneath his eyes where his tears have run their course. "Because I need you to. I love you, Eren. You're all I have left."

Then she lays her lips on his. He tastes like rusty blood and his lips are encrusted with dirt. His lips are deadened under hers. Mikasa leaves her eyes open and she sees that Eren's eyes are also open. And there's nothing in the depths of them—they're utterly empty and hopelessly lost.

This isn't at all how she imagined her first kiss with Eren would be. She didn't think he'd be shattered into pieces or falling apart right in front of her eyes while she pressed her lips upon his. She didn't think he would be clinging to the disfigured carcass of the person he truly loved while she caressed the side of his face, fingers brushing at the matted hair on the back of his neck. And she definitely didn't think she'd use this kiss as a last resort to manipulate Eren into holding on for a little bit longer. None of this was supposed to happen.

People crowd near and Eren is pulled away from her. A few of the Military Police clutch Eren's arms, tugging him away and Eren doesn't even put up a fight—he has none left inside him.

"Let him go!" Mikasa snarls, fighting in his stead. She's on her feet, swinging a blade but her attack is blocked by another sword. She looks up and his eye-to-eye with a pair of glasses.

"If you kill anyone, you'll be charged with murder," Hanji warns.

"You'll be taken in for judgment before the court," the Military Police inform Eren.

Eren's head hangs to his chest and he remains silent. A few more soldiers gather around Levi and as they make to move his body, Eren abruptly thrashes and jerks from out of his restraints.

A glare full of all the hate and wrath that runs hot in his veins is shot at the soldiers surrounding Levi. "Don't touch him or I'll tear your limbs right out of their fucking sockets," he hisses, sounding more animalistic than he does human.

The soldiers hesitate, their throats visibly lurching with nervous gulps. "We have to take the corporal in for the death toll."

Mikasa cuts in. "I'll take care of it." Then she regards Eren. "I won't let anyone touch him, I promise."

The glare on his face deteriorates into that mask of crippling despair. The Military Police start to tow him away but he doesn't budge. "Wait, can I say goodbye first?"

They look at each other then finally nod and release him. Once Eren is free, he sits beside Levi. His palm cups a blood-splattered cheek then he tilts over until his face hovers just above Levi's. His eyes rove over Levi's face as if imprinting every feature into memory so there's no possible way he'll forget. "You can sleep now, Captain." Then he places a feather-light kiss on each eyelid. "I hope your dreams are painless."

He reluctantly rises to his feet and allows the Military Police to lead him away. His shoulders hunch over and his head hangs—his posture is wounded and damaged like he'll collapse at any minute but, somehow, he manages to keep on his feet.

When he's out of sight, a broken sigh falls from Mikasa's lips and she kneels next to Levi. "It wasn't supposed to end this way, was it? You and Eren were supposed to be together in the end."

Her arms curl under him as she pulls him to her chest. His warmth is gone, his body limp. He feels small in her arms, smaller than she thought he'd be. "I could never see it until now, but you really did love him."

She gently cradles Levi's head in the crooks of her arms. "Thank you for saving his life. Even though he wants nothing more than to follow you, I'm going to be selfish and keep him here. He's suffering and he'll always grieve for you… but I can't let him go. And I'm sorry..."

Hanji helps lift Levi off the ground and they carry him away. Hanji doesn't cry. Her face is wiped clean of all expression and to Mikasa, that seems worse than bawling her eyes out.

_Thank you for giving me this chance to be selfish… _

Even if Eren hates her, she'll never let him disappear.

Mikasa's eyelids break open. She hasn't had a dream like that in a long time… Dreams like that used to haunt her as a child. The memories of what happened back then are horrible, even for Mikasa, and she knows if Eren ever remembers it all, he won't be the same. That's why he should never remember.

Mikasa rolls out of bed and her feet lead her to her parents' room. Silently, she slips inside then curls up between her mother and father. In this life she has a family, but Eren will always hold the largest part of her heart.

* * *

Levi fingers a cigarette and after lighting up, he takes in a long, poisonous drag that blackens his lungs and calms his ever-fraying nerves.

"Smoking isn't permitted here," the principal tells him with a stern frown.

Levi makes an irritated click with his tongue. "What, is this a prison?" He ignores the principal and his fingers rise to his mouth for another inhale.

A vein at the principal's balding head pulsates in anger but his voice is professionally composed. "Sir, you can't smoke on the school's grounds. If you want, you can take it outside the gate."

Levi looks up at this guy and deliberately blows a cloud of smoke right in his face. "I was done anyway." He drops the cigarette on the sidewalk and grinds the sole of his boot into it, and without bothering to pick it up, he turns on his heel to return to his post.

He's stationed near the school's courtyard and watching brats isn't what he considers an ideal way of spending the day. But this is a precaution in order to keep Eren safe. Levi doesn't think anyone would come for Eren while he's at school since there are so many eyes watching, but there's a chance Levi could be wrong.

"You pissed off the principal," Mike tells him, appearing beside him. "No more smoking here."

Levi gives a nonchalant shrug, "Sure."

Mike's eyes narrow. "I'm serious, Levi."

"I heard you the first time."

Mike's eyes are sharp on him. "Then make sure to follow rules. You're a role model now. These kids will look up to you." Then he disappears to his own post.

"Actually, most of us will have to look down," comes an unfamiliar voice.

Levi turns. There's a tall, meathead brat leaning against one of the pilasters supporting the overhang, which shelters the side entrance to the main building.

"Get to class," Levi says. "Brats belong in the classroom."

The kid smiles. "So you really are a police officer."

Levi eyes this kid a second time. He's the same one from the homecoming dance—the one who had admitted to flirting with him. "Are you deaf? Get to class."

The kid's palms rise defensively in front of his chest. "Alright, alright. See ya around." He shoots Levi a last look before walking away.

Levi sighs as he lazily rests against a metallic pilaster. Goddamn brats… His eyes scan over the courtyard for any other students who might be loitering around. The school itself is bland—it's a two-story building assembled of brick and the inside reminds Levi of a jail only with beaten up lockers lining the walls. But the courtyard is a little different. It's a mall of flourishing grass and trees, cut between the school and the conjoining cafeteria and auditorium. It's a breath of fresh air in this congested, confined space.

There's a head pillowed by a bushel of grass beneath a tree a few meters away. Another brat must be skipping out on class. He walks over there and realizes he knows this particular little shit.

With the toe of his boot, he nudges Eren in the side. "Wake up, you lazy little shit."

Eren grunts and when his eyes crack open, they widen a little. "Officer Levi? What're you doing here?"

Levi scoffs irritably. "This is my post. The real question is, what are you doing here? Are you cutting class?"

Eren shakes his head while pulling himself forward in a seated position. "No, I spend lunch hour out here."

"Why?"

Eren props his elbows on his knees and doesn't look at Levi as he replies, "I hate being stuck behind those brick walls. It's as if we're all being caged like cattle."

Eren is surprised when Levi lowers down next to him and takes a seat in the grass. He leans back on his hands, eyes tossed in the distance ahead of them. "You don't like being restricted by boundaries," he states.

"I hate it."

"Even if they keep you safe?"

Eren's fingers tug mindlessly at the soft blades of grass around him. His reply is soft. "Yeah… I won't let anyone take away my—"

"—freedom?" Levi finishes for him.

Eren whirls around to gape at him. "Exactly. How'd you know I was gonna say that?"

Levi meets his eye and when those silvery eyes make contact with Eren's, his heart falters for a second. "I don't like boundaries either," he says. "But you know, freedom has a price we all have to pay."

"What does it cost?"

Levi is thoughtful as his eyes flick away. "The price is different for everyone. It depends on how high a price you're willing to pay."

Eren looks at Levi. His fair skin is rosy from the chill, dark hair swept by the breeze. Eren doesn't really understand why, but Eren's eyes are automatically drawn to Levi like a moth to flame, and Eren's hand involuntarily extends towards him. His fingertips are nearly touching his cheek when he finally realizes what he's doing. Instantly, he recoils and shoves his hands into his pockets in an attempt to repress this exasperating urge to touch him.

"What price did you pay?" Eren asks, biting down on his bottom lip and forcing his eyes to drift anywhere but towards Levi's face.

The reply is quiet and slow. "Who said I was free?"

Eren's head snaps Levi's way in bewilderment. "You're not?"

"There's no such thing as freedom."

Eren's brows furrow. "What do you mean?"

Levi's eyes are unfocused in distant thought. His mind is away somewhere and Eren wonders where it is. Then he gives a low reply laced with a darkness Eren can't comprehend. "No matter what you do, no matter how much you give, nothing will change. Walls, whether they're real or not, will always cage you. Even if you give everything you have, true freedom can never be reached."

People don't think that way unless they have a reason. Something must've taken Levi's hope. Something must have taken Levi's ability to see the light but maybe Eren can get him to see it again. "You're wrong."

Levi faces Eren. "How am I wrong?" he asks, tone heavy with cynicism.

Eren's head arches back as he glances up at the sky. It's overcast with impending snowfall and there are a flock of birds that soar higher and higher, reaching farther and farther into the clouds that lead to places Eren can only imagine. He points at them and Levi follows the length of Eren's arm to the sky.

"The sky is vast. It reaches in every direction, farther than our eyes can see. We can chase the sky until we have no breath left but we'll never reach the end because there are no boundaries. I don't know the price of freedom or the way to reach it but I know it's real. If it wasn't, where would birds fly to?"

Levi continues gazing up at the sky. His mouth is a line and his silvery eyes are dull. If freedom isn't real, then that means the person Eren can't remember isn't real either and Eren knows in his heart that the both of them are very much real.

Levi sighs and his eyes fall to the grassy expanse of the courtyard in front of him. "But we're not birds, Eren. We're grounded here, to this Earth."

Hesitantly, Eren's hand slinks from out of his pocket and touches the back of Levi's knuckles—his skin is ice. Then Eren murmurs, "If you don't try, then you'll never know if you have wings or not."

A slow breath is unleashed from Levi's chest. "I don't know if you're too stupid to see the world for how it is… or if you're the only person who sees the world clearly."

Eren's fingers entwine with Levi's and he warms Levi's ice skin with the heat of his palm, offering a small, kind smile. "Or maybe you just need to look at the world in a different light."

Levi avoids Eren's eye. "For someone with severe anger issues, you're strangely gentle," he mutters.

Eren's gaze is downcast. "I…" He thinks for a moment. "I only lose control when the people I care about are threatened."

For a moment, it's silent and then, "I know…"

Their fingers are disentangled the moment Levi rises to his feet. He offers Eren a hand and when Eren takes it, he pulls him to a stand. "Don't be late to class," he orders before leaving to resume his watch.

Study hall is about to begin and Eren has his head on his desk. His mind isn't trying to remember that person—instead, his thoughts are hooked on Levi. He's falling for him or maybe he's already fallen… and it's unbelievably frustrating. Eren has never felt this way about anyone before. When Levi is around, his heart thrashes so hard it bruises the inside of his chest. At first Eren didn't understand why it hurt being around Levi, but now Eren thinks it's because he knows he could never be with Levi the way he wants to be.

What's also frustrating is that at times, Levi can be somewhat open with Eren and at other times, Eren is completely shut out. Homecoming night, when they had kissed, Levi reacted. There's no denying that. Eren just doesn't know why he's acting as if it didn't happen, as if he's trying to shove the incident under the rug and forcibly forgetting it ever occurred. It could be because of the age difference… Levi is a police officer after all, and if anyone ever found out about it, he could lose his job. But it seems more than just that…

Mikasa sits down next to him and Eren automatically straightens up. He turns to her and shoots a wide grin. "Mikasa… Happy Birthday."

Her pink mouth falls open a fraction in surprise. "…You remembered?"

"I'm hurt. My memory isn't the best but I'd never forget your birthday." He fumbles through his book-bag and takes out the carefully wrapped box he packed away inside it this morning. He hands it to her and she stares at it for a second.

"You didn't have to get me anything…"

He shrugs. "Don't open it now. I'm coming over to your place later. Your parents invited me over for dinner and cake. They invited Armin too but he can't make it…"

As of late, Armin has been acting differently. He's been strangely serious and he makes trips to the hospital everyday to visit Annie. Something has changed about him and Eren isn't exactly sure what it is or what it means. But he seems…stronger.

Mikasa's cheeks redden. "They did…? You don't have to come if you don't want to."

Eren snorts. "What? I wouldn't miss it. It's your birthday dinner. Besides, I haven't had a good cooked meal in a while." And that's an unfortunate truth. Levi's cooking is shit and Eren is too lazy to make anything too extravagant.

A small smile graces her face. "Thank you, Eren."

He grins back while giving a playful tug on her muffler. "Whatever."

* * *

It's Eren's last class for the day. The teacher hasn't arrived yet so the students are aimlessly chattering. Eren is sitting with his chin braced in the heel of his hand, thoughts switching between that person he can't remember and Officer Levi. No matter which person he's thinking about, his heart reacts the same way— it flutters and it aches, he's happy then he's unbearably sad. It doesn't make sense. He doesn't even know why he feels this way about either one of them.

"Eren, you should see this…"

"Hmm?" Eren looks up and twists to the side.

Connie is at the other end of the classroom with a palm placed on the large windowpane, staring down through the glass at the ground outside. Their classroom is on the second story so they can see a bit farther than they can on the first floor.

"What is it?" Eren asks as he goes to stand next to him.

"I dunno…"

Outside the school's iron gates is a crowd of people extending from each corner of the gate and behind it meters thick. Heads bobble and sway and picket signs are held high in angry fists. Eren squints and strains to read them.

"They're anti-war protestors," he realizes. "What are they doing here?"

Jean is there with crossed arms and a frown. "They've been out there since lunch and they won't leave. The police have tried to get them to leave without using force but those guys refuse to budge. They're pissed off for some reason."

Eren's eyes survey the throng of people. He doesn't recognize any of them. But standing off to the side, he sees Officer Levi and Doctor Hanji. They're speaking through the dark, iron rails of the fence to one of the protestors. Eren spins on his heel.

"Where are you going?" Connie calls after his retreating back.

"I'm gonna find out what's going on."

He hurries out the room, down the stairs, and through the courtyard towards the front of the school. He hears the shouting voices before he's even near the gate. There are too many voices yelling different things that he can't distinguish what's being cried—he can't make out any comprehensible words. Then when he breaks through the double doors, bursting outside, the protestors focus on him. The angry slurs are instantly aimed at him.

He hesitates. What are these people angry about? Did Eren do something wrong?

"Eren, go back to class," Levi commands once he notices him standing there.

Eren ignores him and approaches. The man Hanji and Levi were speaking to is wearing a clerical collar over a black, wool suit. He's a priest and he's glaring menacingly through the gate at Hanji and Levi. Dark circles cut harshly beneath his sunken eyes. Wrinkles carve into his wilted, sagged cheeks and line the plane of his forehead.

"You shouldn't be out here," Hanji tells him. She has her glasses pushed to the top of her head and Eren knows she only does that when she's stressed or thinking deeply about something.

"What's going on?"

The priest interjects. "Your father is a menace to society! Because of his weaponry developments, war will be upon us!"

Eren's eyes go wide then he's at the gate, gripping tight to the rails. The surprise is gone and his eyes slit into an angry glower. "My father? What do you know about him? Where is he?" he demands. "What have you done with him?!"

There's a hand on Eren's shoulder, pulling him away from the fence. "They haven't done anything to your father," Hanji says. "These people might be extremists but they're not kidnappers or murderers."

"Then why are they here?"

Levi gives the answer this time. "To threaten the same people we're after." Then his sharp eyes skim over the shouting faces and the corner of his mouth pulls down a fraction in disgust. "But clearly, these pigs have no respect for proper education."

"Levi, get your team together. We're going to push them away from these grounds," comes a familiar deep, authoritative voice. Chief Erwin stops at Levi's side, eyes out over the heads behind the gates, and wearing a disapproving frown. "I can't allow any further disruption."

"Why don't we just shoot them?" Levi offhandedly suggests.

The shouting pauses and faces full of fright gawk at Levi.

"I can't allow that either."

"It'd be quicker…" Levi grumbles before walking off.

Next, Erwin addresses Eren. His hand is heavy on Eren's shoulder as his head ducks lower to speak directly in Eren's ear. His breath tickles the inside of Eren's ear as he says, "Do you know who the real enemy is?"

"H-Huh?" Eren stammers.

A curious smile stretches over Erwin's mouth. "It's nothing… You should return to class now. We'll take care of this." He gives Eren a slight push back toward the school's main building.

Eren mindlessly makes his way back to class. He doesn't know what Erwin meant, and now that he has anti-war protestors on his back along with murderers, this situation has grown even more complicated. His fingers slip beneath his jacket and he firmly grips the key that always hangs around his throat. He won't let anyone have this key. He swears he won't.

* * *

"What is it?" Mikasa asks, fingering at the box in her hands.

"Open it."

They've already eaten dinner and now Mikasa and Eren are in her room. It's a familiar and relaxing space for Eren—it lacks the femininity that Mikasa also lacks, the walls are gray, the comforter on the bed a neutral crème color. It's organized unlike his room used to be but he's practically known this room his whole life, it puts him at ease.

She carefully removes the wrapping paper and slides off the top of the box. Her hands reach down and lift a delicate, white cashmere sweater that was folded neatly inside.

Her dark eyes spark. "It's…pretty," she murmurs.

Eren shrugs and his eyes shift away. "My mom picked it out a while ago…" he quietly says. "I told her it was too girly but she said it'd look nice with your black hair and muffler."

"I want to try it on."

She leaves for a few minutes and when she returns, the cashmere sweater casually hangs from around her shoulders to her hips.

Eren gives an approving grin. "She was right. The color looks nice with your black hair."

The corners of her pink lips pull up a tad. "Thanks." Then she holds out her red muffler in her hand. "Can you help me put it on?"

Eren climbs to his feet and takes the soft, red material. He strings it around her neck so it drapes loosely over the sweater.

"The red looks good with it too. At the time I didn't get it, but my mom knew what she was talking about."

Mikasa blinks up at him and her long eyelashes flutter against the apples of her cheeks. "She had good taste," she agrees.

There's something in the way Mikasa looks at him that confuses him. He's not sure what it is so he lets the thought pass. His fingers twine with hers and he guides her to the bed.

"I picked out a movie for us to watch."

"Which one?"

"I dunno. I didn't look at the title."

They sit close to one another supported against the headboard—they touch from their arms, down to their hips, and along their thighs. Eren isn't really paying attention to the movie. It's some kind of action film and normally he'd be absorbed in this type of movie but at the moment, he can't focus. His mind is drifting off to silvery eyes. Mikasa shifts and the mattress rocks with her movement. He feels her lay her cheek against his shoulder.

"Thank you, Eren."

"Hm? For what?"

Her head lifts from his shoulder. Then a gentle hand is placed on Eren's cheek and his face is turned towards her.

Puzzlement pulls his brows together. "Is something wrong?"

She shakes her head but doesn't say anything. Her body tilts closer to his and her lips fall apart. She becomes so close that he can see his own reflection in the dark pupils of her eyes and he can count every lash that outlines them. Her lids droop and then Eren realizes too late what's happening.

He's rigid with surprise, eyes growing wide. Mikasa is about to… Her mouth touches his. It's a light kiss, an experimental one. Her lips are soft and plush and she tastes sugary with icing from the cake they had earlier. But this is wrong. Strands of her hair tickle the sides of his face and she smells sweet. None of this feels right. He aches for a spicy flavor, not a sugary one. And he wants to smell a soapy, clean scent, not a sweet one… Most of all, he wants to feel small lips that are slightly dry against his, not soft, plush ones.

Her fingers brush the hair at the back of his neck—this seems… nostalgic, like this has happened once before. Blistering sparks sear through his mind. The gut-wrenching image of a cold, bloodstained face with eyes shut in a never-waking sleep flickers behind Eren's shut eyelids. A sharp breath is sucked in and he almost chokes. He jolts backward, nearly falling off the edge of the bed. There's a gaping pit in his chest and it's so agonizing that his fingernails claw at his skin, right over his heart where the pain is most intense. He can't breathe.

"Eren?" Mikasa's dark eyes are widened with concern.

But he can't hear her over the screams in his head. The voice is his own and he's shrieking internally at full volume. His screams rattle against the walls of his cranium. What is this? Unbearable pressure builds in the backs of his eye sockets. Tears are building behind his eyes—they're about to teem over. But why? Why does he feel like crying? And there's a single name on the tip of his tongue.

"…Levi," he whispers breathlessly. He fumbles for his phone in his pocket.

"What about him?" Mikasa asks.

"I need to make sure he's okay." Eren needs to hear his voice because all of a sudden, there's a crippling fear that something is very wrong.

He scrolls through his contacts until he finds Levi. He calls the number. There's the monotonous ringing, once and then twice, then a third ring and still Levi hasn't picked up. Eren leaps off the bed.

"He's not answering." He tries to call again. "I need to find him."

"Eren, I'm sure he's okay. He's probably sleeping. It's pretty late."

"But he's not answering… he always answers…" He makes his way to the front door with Mikasa nipping at his heels.

"I'll give you a ride to the apartment," she offers. She takes the keys and her newly acquired license before following Eren out the door.

It's completely silent as she drives and Eren is still anxiously calling Levi's phone. Pick up, pick up… He needs Levi to answer. He needs to hear Levi's voice. His mouth is dry with unease and his stomach is flipped. They reach the parking lot and Eren is pulling the handle before Mikasa has even come to a stop. He darts into the apartment building and frantically pushes the elevator button. Every second drags by until the doors finally slide open. He files inside then repeatedly mashes the button to the seventh floor.

Mikasa takes his wrist, wrenching his hand away from the buttons. "Just wait, we'll get there. Pushing the button like a madman won't make this elevator move any faster."

Immediately when the ding of arrival sounds and the doors open, Eren bolts out and races to Levi's apartment. His fingers grope for his key in his pocket then he's unlocking the door and rushing inside. Mikasa struggles to keep up. She barely manages to snag the door before it can close and shut her out. It's utterly silent and all the lights are off. Eren doesn't see Levi out on the balcony or in the kitchen or bathroom so he swings open the door to his bedroom.

The lights are off and it's soundless and stagnant. A small, crumpled form lies beneath the sheets on the bed. Slowly, Eren tiptoes his way closer to the bed. When he's at the edge, he can clearly see Levi's sleeping face and he's deathly still. Eren's breath hitches.

He shakes Levi's shoulder. "Officer Levi?" Please wake up…

Levi's eyes snap open then taper impatiently at the sight of Eren. "What's wrong with you? Can't you see I'm sleeping?"

He smacks Eren's hand away and sits up, fingers running through his disheveled hair. Heavy bags under his eyes suggest he's exhausted and Eren has just interrupted his much needed rest.

"I thought you were with Mikasa," he says as he rubs the sleep from his eye with the heel of his hand.

"He is," she cuts in, stepping into the room with her arms crossed over her chest. Her face is a blank mask. Eren can't tell if she's upset or angry or both. "But he suddenly had to come back and make sure you were here."

Eren sheepishly rubs the back of his neck. "Ah…sorry for the trouble, Mikasa."

She starts to head back out the door. "I'll see you tomorrow, Eren. Thanks for the sweater…"

"Wait!" Eren chases after her. He snatches her wrist before she can leave out the front door. "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to freak out like that…" He freaked out right when she kissed him too. Could he have freaked out at a worse time than that?

She doesn't respond right away. "It's fine…" She pulls out of his grasp. "I had fun tonight. Thanks for making my birthday special." Then she faces him and places a small peck on his cheek before swiftly slipping out the door.

His hand rises to his face, brushing over the place where she kissed him. What…? Does Mikasa have feelings for him…? He's never once thought about her that way before. Mikasa is like a sister to him. She's his closest friend. But…could he see her as something more than that? He's lost in the whirling thoughts in his head but he catches a movement from the corner of his eye. He turns and sees Levi watching him.

His shoulder is rested against the wall, arms crossed impassively over his chest. "Looks like you had a fun night."

Heat surges to Eren's face. "W-What? N-No! I mean, I had fun, but it's not what you think."

Levi blinks. "You don't know what I was thinking." He steps back into his room but he doesn't shut the door behind him.

Does that mean Eren can go inside? He takes his chances and follows Levi. When he's in the room again, Levi is sitting in the bed, legs splayed out in front of him under the sheets. He steals further beneath the sheets and curls up. Eren stands awkwardly in the doorway. The last time he'd been in Levi's room was the time he wrapped Levi's knee and forced himself onto him. So he's not sure if his presence is welcomed here. But he approaches Levi anyway.

Levi's sharp, silvery eyes tail him until he sits down on the edge of the mattress. It sinks lower and Levi's small, curled up body shifts closer to Eren. For a long time, Eren shamelessly stares at Levi.

"Are you a creep or something? Why are you staring at me like that?"

A slight smile cracks across Eren's face but it feels sad. "I had a scary thought, that's all." He dares to take Levi's hand and clutches it close to his chest.

Levi lets Eren hold his hand as he says, "What kind of scary thought?"

Eren doesn't offer an answer as he pulls Levi's hand to his face and places a chaste kiss on his knuckles. He chokes back the last of the inexplicable tears remaining in the backs of his eyes. "You're okay…that's all that matters," he whispers against the back of Levi's small, rough hand.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

Eren shakes his head with an awkward shrug of his shoulders. "I dunno. It was just a feeling I had." He's relieved. He's so relieved that the tears are back. What he really wants is to kiss Levi but he won't. He holds back. For now…he's content feeling Levi's warmth.

"Please, don't leave me…" he murmurs, eyes falling downcast. Even though he's a burden on Levi, he doesn't think he can survive being separated from him.

There's a pause and then, "I'm not going anywhere."

Eren's eyes dart away. That strange, unexpected fear is still lingering inside him. He needs to feel Levi's warmth for a little bit longer. "Just for tonight…can I sleep here with you? Just this one time…" With Levi by his side, he knows the fear will fade.

Levi stares at him. He seems to be considering it and that's more than enough for Eren. It's shocking Levi would even take the time to contemplate such a sudden, bold request. Levi says nothing but he throws the blankets over, sliding to the other side of the bed, in a gesture of consent. Eren throws off his shirt and kicks off his pants then slinks beneath the sheets, nestling his head into Levi's soft pillows.

"Thank you."

Again, Levi doesn't say anything. He turns over, tucking into himself, his back facing Eren. Eren takes in a deep, calming breath through his nose. He hesitates before nervously slinging an arm around Levi's torso to pull him flush against his chest.

"Eren…" comes the quick disapproving growl.

Eren's grasp around him tightens. "Please…"

"You're such a pain…" but Levi doesn't attempt to unlock Eren's arm from around him and he doesn't say anything when Eren's knees tuck behind his.

For tonight, Eren is whole. His chest is filled with the warmth that radiates from Levi and he can sleep easy.

* * *

My OTP is actually Eren/Mikasa but this story is Eren/Levi. I suck at writing Eren/Mikasa anyway... But that's beside the point, I hope having her involved here isn't annoying.


	7. Chapter 7: Untouched

Happy New Year. This is what I did for the holiday.

Thanks for all the support. My heart soars every time I read a review or see a new follow or favorite. I love you guys. My favorite thing to see is a reader aching for Levi and Eren. I know that sounds horrible! But that's actually my goal. I'm so mean.

And, if you ever have any suggestions I might add them in depending on what it is. Somebody said "it'd be cute if Eren woke up with Levi facing him and arms wrapped around him" so I put it in but with a twist... :)

* * *

Eren's eyes break open. His arms are around someone warm and small, but at the same time, this person feels unbreakable under his hold. Eren's chin tilts down and he realizes there's a head pillowed beneath it. Levi is facing him with his forehead placed against Eren's chest. With every measured cave of Levi's shoulders, his warm breath heats up Eren's bare skin, building a shiver in his spine. Eren's fingers thread through the top of Levi's hair where it's thickest, gently running through it. Then Levi's head arcs back. His drooped, silvery eyes are glazed over from sleep, and his skin has a healthy morning glow to it.

"Hey…" Eren murmurs.

A palm settles on Eren's cheek and the coarseness of it and the warmth feel familiar like this touch should have countless memories behind it but Eren can't recall any.

"Are you rested?"

Eren smiles. "Yeah, I slept better than I have in weeks."

"Good, then. We need to get going. We'll be late."

Huh? Late where? It's Saturday. There's no school, they don't need to go anywhere.

The mattress shifts when Levi adjusts himself over Eren, one hand placed on the right side of him and the other on the left so he hovers directly above Eren's chest. Eren's pulse quickens when Levi ducks low, his mouth edging towards Eren's lips. His eyes focus on Eren's mouth before the distance between their faces disappears. It's a simple kiss but Eren's heart and mind are sent into a flurry, in any case. Levi breaks away and sweeps the hair from out of Eren's half-lidded eyes.

"Do you know who I am?"

What kind of a question is that? This is Officer Levi…isn't it? This person has the same silvery eyes as Levi, the same soapy, clean scent. But the edges of this face are blurred. Eren can't comprehend the entire image of this face. His mind won't let him.

Lips press lightly against Eren's temple. "If you remember me, it'll be unbearably painful for you. I'll do anything to make sure that never happens. Even if you grow to hate me."

An ache in Eren's chest digs deep. This isn't Officer Levi. This is that person he can't remember. But why are their eyes the same? Eren's eye sockets strain with mounting pressure. This person makes his heart ache—he feels empty and fearful. He feels like this person will slip right through his fingers if he doesn't hold on to him and Eren needs this person.

Eren takes the back of this person's head, pulling him near his face, but the moment just before their lips can touch he asks, "Why? Why will it be painful?"

The only answer Eren is given is the sensation of warm lips that are slightly dry against his.

"Officer Levi?" Eren sits up against the headboard, eyes scanning the other side of the bed but it's empty and all of Levi's warmth is gone. Levi must have left a while ago.

But where did he go? Eren swings his legs over the side of the bed and he slides off. The soles of his feet hit the wooden floor and it's shockingly cold against his skin. Sloppily, he throws on his jeans, that were sprawled on the floor next to the bed where he kicked them off last night, and he makes to the living area.

The sun is just beginning to rise and Levi stands outside on the balcony. His elbows are braced on the railing, a stick of white and gold laced between his fingers, and tufts of ashen smoke curling from his lips. His head hangs, his small shoulders slumped forward. Eren quietly pulls open the door and slips outside. The icy air, stuck between the stages of autumn and winter, bites harshly at Eren's bare chest. But he does his best to ignore it as he stands beside Levi.

There's no reaction to Eren's presence. His eyes remain downcast and he could be a statue carved of marble, he's so still. The ash at the tip of the cigarette between Levi's fingers grows. Eren watches until the end drops off with passing time. And in that time, the only sound that can be heard is that of the cars incessantly rushing in the street below. Eren isn't sure how much time has passed but the sun has slunk higher in the sky and the light peeks over the horizon, sending rays of budding yellow to blend with pink and orange overhead.

"Are you okay?" Eren finally asks.

Levi moves but it's slow and lethargic. He lazily brings his cigarette to his mouth to take in a draw. "That's a relative question."

"You know what I mean."

"When people answer that question, they can either give the answer the other person wants to hear, making them a liar, or they can explain why they aren't okay, which is a lot of trouble for nothing. That's why that question should never be asked."

"It's a way to show concern for other people," Eren argues.

"You shouldn't worry about anyone but yourself."

Eren groans in irritation. Levi is always intentionally picking fights with him, even in something as trivial as this. But the worst part is, Eren falls for it. "You turn everything around so I never learn anything about you. You shut me out and it's frustrating. I just want to know how you really feel."

Levi scoffs. "Tch. How I really feel, huh." He flicks the rest of his cigarette over the rail only to light up another. "I _feel_ like you should get inside. You're shivering."

Eren sighs. He reluctantly turns to head back indoors but before he does, he mumbles more to himself than to Levi, "…My mind is still chaos because of you. I wish you wouldn't shut me out." Then he disappears, pulling the door close behind him.

Levi continues smoking but his shoulders feel heavier. "You don't remember what chaos is…" And only the wind hears his words.

* * *

Jean is sitting in a hard, uncomfortable chair next to Marco. The goddamn bastard hasn't woken up yet. It's been a week and he's still sleeping. Marco's freckled face is carefree and lax. With that expression he's wearing, he must be having pleasant dreams… and that scares Jean a little. What if Marco prefers staying in his dreams to being here? With Jean?

Jean clicks his teeth in annoyance. "Tch. I'm getting real tired of your shit, Marco. I know you're in there, so wake up."

There's no reaction and a sigh slips out. Jean's head falls to his chest. He doesn't know what to do anymore. He's cursed at Marco and smacked him around— he's done everything he could think of to get him to open his eyes, but they remain blissfully shut.

The door clicks open and Jean whirls around. He's stunned by who's standing there.

"Mikasa? You came to see Marco?"

She takes a step forward but right before the door can close behind her, a hand stops it and swings it back open.

"Hey Jean, how's Marco doing?" Eren asks, after slipping through.

Disappointment sinks in Jean's stomach. He thought Mikasa had come here on her own. But really, he should've known. She doesn't go anywhere without Eren.

"He's fine, I guess…he's just a lazy piece of shit."

Eren shoots him a smile. "But he's your piece of shit best friend. He'll wake up as long as you're with him."

Jean snorts irritably and crosses his arms over his chest. "Always so needy…"

Eren looms over Marco, gazing down at his face. Mikasa falls in line beside him and Jean is painfully aware of the way her hand naturally cups over Eren's shoulder, her thumb running soothing circles into his lean muscle.

"He looks…happy," Eren murmurs, his eyes roving over Marco's slumbering face.

Jean sighs, shoulders slouching forward. "Yeah… even while comatose, the idiot keeps smiling." But that only keeps the fear holing deeper in Jean's gut. Marco better not be too happy in his sleep.

Eren regards him with intense, confident eyes. "Marco isn't the kind of person to leave you behind. He was always right by your side wherever you went. He'll come around."

Jean's throat tightens. The only response he can manage is a nod of his head. For a while, Jean is lost in his own mind, he doesn't notice what's taking place around him. Then Eren's voice brings him back.

"Hey, Jean."

He glances up at Eren in the doorway.

"There was always something about Marco that I didn't get. He followed you around like he was afraid of you leaving him. So… what if this is why he was always by your side?"

"You're not making any sense."

"I know." Eren looks like he truly knows he isn't making sense but he keeps talking anyway and adds more to the confusion. "But… what if he knew something would happen so he stuck around to protect you?"

A fissure cracks in Jean's chest. He doesn't like this theory Eren has. Jean wasn't all that kind to Marco. He's not very kind to anyone. But unlike everyone else, Marco put up with Jean and he brushed off all the insults Jean threw at him. Whenever Jean pushed him away, he always came back without fostering any bitter feelings. So if Marco was only protecting him this whole time, that makes Jean a huge asshole.

"Or maybe he had some kind of man crush on me," Jean manages to choke without his voice quavering or cracking.

"Or that," Eren agrees, a slanted smile quirking the corner of his mouth.

Then he leaves for some reason. When Jean hadn't been listening, he vaguely heard in the back of his mind Eren say something about visiting Annie. A little late, his mind registers what Eren said a few minutes ago. His mind is slow to catch up and then he realizes, he's left alone with Mikasa.

His nerves buzz and he tries to ignore the way his heartbeat picks up in speed while surreptitiously wiping his clammy hands on his jeans. His eyes unconsciously follow her as she approaches to sit down in the chair next to him. The silence weighs down on Jean's shoulders. It's awkward for him.

From out of the corner of his eye, he watches Mikasa. Her dark eyes are focused on Marco, her mouth tugged downward. Her skin is milky alabaster—a striking contrast to her raven hair, which is so dark it shines blue in white light. Her lips are full and pink in color, and her long eyelashes sweep the apples of her cheeks with every blink. Without ever trying, she's breathtaking. Eren really doesn't show enough appreciation. If Jean were lucky enough to have someone like Mikasa by his side, he'd give everything he had to her.

"Your black hair is really pretty."

Mikasa's eyes flick to him. Her dark eyes have always intimidated him. They're detached and unfathomable—they're a mystery he can't crack. It doesn't matter how long or how hard he searches her eyes, he can never tell what she's thinking.

"You already said that before."

"I did?" Jean doesn't remember ever telling her that.

Some kind of reaction flashes over her face but it's too quick for Jean to catch. "…Yeah," she mutters. "But thanks…again."

There's another uncomfortable silence but fortunately, it doesn't last as long.

"Do you think he's dreaming?" Mikasa suddenly asks.

"U-Um, yeah, I think so. Why else would he be smiling like that?"

The look on Mikasa's face is gentle and kind. It hurls Jean's heart into chaotic spasms. "Maybe he's happy that you're here with him."

Jean smirks. "Only an idiot would enjoy my company, right?"

"I don't mind your company."

Jean almost chokes on his own breath. His cheeks and ears grow hot, and he abruptly changes the subject. "Maybe I should kiss him awake like a sleeping princess," he halfheartedly jokes.

"That doesn't work."

"Huh?"

Mikasa seems to be lost in thought. Her head hangs, her hair falling in her face and veiling it from view, but Jean hears the lurking sorrow in the undertone of her voice. "Even if it's a kiss of the strongest love, it won't wake anyone from deep sleep…" Her shoulders slump further. "…I've seen it," she utters so softly that he has to strain to hear.

"What do you mean you've seen it?"

She meets Jean's eye, the corner of her mouth tugging up a tad in a small smile that doesn't seem sincere. "I saw it in a movie."

"What kind of movie were you watching?"

"A tragedy…"

"You shouldn't be watching tragedies. Those only bring people down."

Mikasa nods in agreement. "But sometimes you think you're looking at something beautiful, and then it falls apart right in front of your eyes."

Jean doesn't understand what she's trying to say but from the look on her face and her wounded posture, he knows she's upset about something. Seeing her upset twists Jean's heart. He wants to take away that troubled look on her face. His mouth runs dry as he hesitantly takes her hand. To his surprise, she doesn't move away. Her skin is as smooth as it appears, maybe even softer than that. And she's warm. He can't look her in the eye. He simply stares at Marco's serene face, loosely holding onto her hand.

"Thanks…"

His heart falters. "Y-Yeah…anytime."

* * *

Connie is having a party later tonight. With all the drama and tension around them, Connie wanted to figure a way to lighten the mood—the solution? A party. At first, Eren was set on not going, but Mikasa has a way of persuading him into doing things. He hardly ever tells her no. Eren is glad Armin is going too. It seems like he's been distant lately. Eren misses having him around. Armin might not know it but when he's gone, nothing feels the same. Eren misses daydreaming with him. Whenever Armin and Eren hung out together, they'd think about the future and dream up these impossible fantasies that would humor their minds for hours. Eren needs Armin to stick around.

Eren adjusts the apron around his waist and continues stirring the soup he's made for dinner. It's a simple vegetable soup. Eren had to get Mikasa to take him to the market for fresh produce and seasonings and countless other basic necessities Levi lacked. He used the debit card his parents had gotten him a while back. It's only supposed to be used in the case of an emergency, but the need for real food was pretty urgent. He brings the ladle to his mouth and gives the soup a taste. It's not bad but it's nothing like his mother's cooking. His stomach yearns for another taste of his mother's home cooked meals. He could really go for some of her strawberry crisp.

There's the sound of the lock being fiddled with and then the door opens. Levi enters, kicking off his boots. They're placed systematically on the shoe mat beside the door then he shrugs his small shoulders from out of his uniform jacket.

"What's that smell?" He peers inside the narrow kitchen space.

Eren grins. "I made dinner. It's nothing special."

Levi squeezes in front of Eren to look down into the steaming pot. He audibly breathes in the aroma.

"That looks edible…" and the surprise lining his tone is insulting. Then he faces Eren. "If you weren't such a pain, you might make a decent wife."

Eren snorts. "It's a little soon for marriage but if you want me to be your wife, you need to lower to a knee and ask properly."

Levi blinks and there's a beat of silence. "You just want me on my knees."

Eren's face grows hot with embarrassment and his tongue trips up. His voice has lost itself somewhere in his throat. Levi, on the other hand, doesn't seem to notice while casually passing him to take a bowl from out of the cabinet Eren stands beside. He stretches to his toes. Promptly, Eren reaches over him, lifting it out with ease. If Levi is aware of the way he's cornered between the countertop and Eren's chest, it doesn't show. But Eren is very much aware of this. He's also aware of the way their fingers brush when Eren hands him the dish. Pleasant tingles travel up the tips of Eren's fingers. Then there's a strange blow to Eren's chest. There's that emptiness he should be acquainted with by now, but even after all this time, the agony knocks the breath from out of him.

Levi doesn't move. He stares up at Eren with a contemplative look. Eyes the color of a blade—they're metallic and piercing, and they have a droop to them. Eren swears that person in his dreams has identical eyes to Levi.

"Your eyes seem so familiar… like I've known them forever," Eren mutters aloud, distant in thought. Something similar to nostalgia jabs at Eren's mind whenever he meets Levi's silvery gaze. Those eyes are comfortable for Eren—they make him sweat when they linger on him for too long, but they feel right.

"Is that some kind of tacky pick up line?"

Eren flushes red again. "No! I'm being serious."

"So you're a headcase." Levi brushes past him.

But Levi doesn't get far because Eren clutches his shoulder and spins him around. "No. I'm not crazy," he growls.

Eren wants to believe that he's sane. Even though he takes crazy pills and even though he has to go to the crazy doctor, he wants to believe he isn't truly crazy. But… isn't that what every mental person thinks? All mental people believe their minds are perfectly sound but actually, they're all screwed up beyond repair. Maybe Eren is the same. Maybe something is really wrong with him and he doesn't realize it.

"Then stop saying ridiculous things like that."

Anger bubbles up inside Eren. "Stop it!" he explodes. Against his will, frustrated tears pull in his eyes. "Stop making me question my sanity!" He can't take any more of this doubt. He doesn't know what to believe anymore.

Eren's fingers dig into Levi's shoulders. Eren's entire weight is braced against him as he struggles to keep himself grounded because at the rate he's going, he feels like he'll fall right through the floor and sink into a bottomless abyss. "Please… don't say I'm crazy anymore because I'm starting to believe you."

Eren's eyes squeeze shut to keep back the tears. Crying over something as stupid and trivial as one of Levi's insults is pathetic. But he can't control it. He hears a clanking sound of the bowl being placed on the counter, a heavy sigh, and then Eren's fingers are forcibly peeled away from Levi's shoulders. Eren no longer has something to support him. His knees fail and he crumbles to the tile. He covers his face in his hands. He knows he must look like a pitiful mess but the pain, the ache, and the emptiness have surfaced all at once. And it's overwhelming. He's been repressing it for too long and now it's brimming over.

"Goddammit…" he hears Levi hiss.

Eren wants to make some kind of snarky comment but he's afraid if he speaks, the tears will fall. By some sort of miracle, he's successfully kept them at bay thus far. Warm fingers wrap around Eren's wrists and then his hands are gently pulled away from his face.

"Hey, don't cry."

Eren can't say, 'I'm not crying' like he wants to. A lump in his throat keeps his voice blocked off.

"Eren…" Levi's tone has softened. It's almost kind. And Eren hasn't ever heard him sound that way before.

When he builds up enough strength to open his eyes, Levi is staring at him. The tips of his brows are pulled together into an expression that Eren can only interpret as a pained one. His hand rises to Eren's face. It hesitates before cupping over his cheek.

"…There's no such thing as crazy. It's a relative term." Then Levi's face inclines forward, lessening the distance between them. Eren's eyes bug in shock when Levi's lips land on his temple.

"Your head is hollow anyway. You can't be a headcase," he murmurs into Eren's hairline. "You're just an idiot…"

Levi's collar is in Eren's face. He stares at his fair skin, his eyes travelling up the base of Levi's slender neck, passing over his protruding Adam's apple, and then his strongly defined jaw. He's ashamed when his thoughts start to take an inappropriate turn.

"And you're a jerk." At last Eren has found his voice.

"Yeah," Levi agrees. "I'm an irreverent asshole and I'm not going to apologize for it." Levi's harsh words and insensitive attitude are nothing like his touch. His fingers are gentle and tender when they run through Eren's hair and tickle his scalp. "I'm not a kind person."

"I know." That doesn't make Levi heartless though. How can someone who has such gentle fingers be heartless? How can someone who risked his life to protect Eren be cruel? "But you're not unkind either…"

Levi taps Eren's temple. "Your head really is hollow."

Eren ignores that. His arms extend toward Levi, carefully winding around his small torso.

"Eren… you shouldn't hug the person who made you cry."

Eren's hold tightens around him then he pulls Levi forward. He cradles Levi in his lap. He's surprised by how heavy he is. Levi isn't at all a big man but he's pure muscle.

Eren leans down to speak directly in Levi's ear. "I didn't actually cry, you know…"

Levi's warmth soothes Eren. His eyelids fall shut and he rests his chin on Levi's shoulder. He breathes in Levi's soapy, clean scent until his lungs fill with it. Every plane of their chests press together, there's no space between them. They're pressed so firmly together that even through the material of their shirts, Eren can feel Levi's heart thrashing in his chest.

"Eren…" Levi's voice has a strange shake to it. But Levi's voice is always steady—it never shakes.

Eren's brows furrow and he detaches from Levi to look him in the eye. "Yeah?"

Levi's breathing is surprisingly thin and Eren doesn't know the reason behind it. Then Levi's eyes pointedly fall to Eren's mouth and his face grows closer. His lips fall apart, his head tilting to the side. Not even a sheet of paper could fit in the little space between their mouths, that's how close they are. But their lips never make contact. Levi sighs. His head skirts to the side, bypassing Eren's mouth, and dangles by Eren's collar in defeat.

"Eren…"

Strong fingers grope at Eren's back, clinging onto him in a clutch that seems life dependent. Levi suddenly feels breakable in Eren's arms. There's a slight tremor in his shoulders and he feels frail. What happened?

"Officer Levi?"

Levi's fingertips burrow deeper into Eren's shoulder blades. It's on the verge of being painful now. Eren squirms. "Officer Levi, what's wrong?"

"I…" Levi unleashes another sigh that seems to quiver with even more pain and ache than that which torment Eren. "Let go of me…"

The creases in Eren's brow deepen. "I would but you're the one holding onto _me_."

Levi doesn't let him go though; his hands slide lower on Eren's back. They sidle up behind his shirt, feeling over his bare skin. Eren's shirt is peeled higher, uncovering his back and the chilly air prickles the hairs on the nape of Eren's neck. Hands with a small, inexplicable tremble wander to his sides, tracing over his ribcage and then over his stomach. Eren's mind is whirling. He doesn't understand what happened or why Levi is suddenly feeling him up, but Eren knows he doesn't want Levi to stop. He's guided down to the floor and the muscles in his back jump when the cold, hard tile hits his exposed skin.

Levi's knees straddle Eren's hips, his calves trapping Eren's thighs. Heat fuzzes Eren's mind and blood runs hot to all different parts of him. Calloused palms glide further up Eren's chest, passing over muscle and unblemished skin. The bottom of his sweater is gathered into a bunch with Levi's ascending hands. Eren's breath rasps shallow, and dizziness whirls his head and flips his stomach. His heart batters his insides— they're probably black and blue with internal bruising. Levi ducks low, and when Eren feels the warmth of Levi's hesitant mouth graze his bare chest, he sucks in a sharp breath.

Then there's a knock at the door. Levi shoots up straight, rigid with tension. He's sitting on Eren's groin and it's uncomfortable. Eren isn't in any kind of state for pressure to be applied there. There's another knock. Levi reaches for the edge of the counter and struggles to haul himself to his feet. His knees visibly shake.

"On your feet, Eren. And fix your shirt," but it's a weak command.

Disappointment is an understatement of the plunging weight Eren feels in his stomach. Levi takes a moment to regain his composure before striding to the door. Once Eren stands and his shirt is no longer baring his naked chest, Levi swings it open. Mikasa and Armin stand in the corridor.

"Evening, Officer Levi. We came to get Eren," Armin greets with a smile.

"Oh, good." And Levi sounds more sincere and relieved than Eren wants him to.

Levi steps aside to allow them entry. It's nearly impossible, but Eren somehow manages to calm himself and face Armin and Mikasa with a friendly smile. He forcibly pushes the feeling of Levi's hot mouth on his skin to the back of his mind as he takes in his friends' appearance.

They look nice. Mikasa is wearing the white sweater Eren gave her, paired with a light coat and boots. Of course her muffler is also draped around her neck, but that's to be expected. Armin wears a pale-blue cardigan that makes his eyes seem even bigger and bluer than they already are, and casual khaki's. Eren glances down at himself. He's just wearing his ratty burgundy sweater that he's had for years and a pair of washed out jeans.

"It smells good in here," Armin remarks, his little upturned nose stuck in the air. Then he gestures at the apron that's strung around Eren's waist. "Did you play house today?"

Eren unties the apron and replaces it on the peg jutting from the wall. "Mikasa took me shopping and I made dinner."

Armin chuckles. "Does that make you the woman and Mikasa the man?"

Mikasa's face reddens and her eyes dart away to Levi. He's perched nonchalantly on the back of the couch, staring with disinterest at a spot on the wall. Eren can't tell if he heard Armin or not.

"Shut up, Armin." Eren grins, his attention shifting back to his increasingly distancing friend. He's genuinely glad to see Armin. Seeing him makes him realize just how much he's missed him.

Mikasa spots Eren's bag on the futon. She takes it up and rummages through his clothes. She picks out a navy sweater he never wears and a dress shirt. "Here, put these on," she tells him, tossing the articles of clothing at him.

He snags them in the air and frowns at the sweater with distaste. "I hate this shirt."

"Then why do you still have it?"

He shrugs. "I dunno…"

"Just wear it."

"Then what am I supposed to do with this other one?" he questions, holding up the dress shirt.

"Put it on beneath the sweater."

There's an annoyed click of Eren's teeth. "What, are you my stylist now?"

Mikasa gives a smile. "You know I don't care about looks, but since a lot of people will be at Connie's, we shouldn't look like we blindly threw on something."

"Fine."

Eren tears off his worn-out sweater and carelessly lobs it toward the futon. Levi is sitting on the back of the couch and it flies at his head. He's not looking but somehow, he sees the movement and catches it. His eyes slit accusingly at Eren.

Eren flashes a sheepish smile. "Nice reflex."

Eren thinks he hears Levi curse at him under his breath but it's too quiet for him to make it out. Eren slips one arm into the dress shirt and then the other, then he's buttoning the front. And all of a sudden, Mikasa is standing in front of him.

"You missed a button," she murmurs.

She undoes the few that he mismatched and readjusts the front so the slits and buttons line up before refastening it for him. Her fingers work slowly and she avoids his eye. Eren's focus is automatically drawn to Levi. He's staring at the back of Mikasa's head but as usual, Eren can't tell if he's annoyed, or apathetic, or something else. His expression is unreadable. Mikasa is finished, and Eren pulls the sweater over his head then tugs the hem over his waist. Mikasa adjusts the collar of the dress shirt so it peeks out at the neckline in a modish fashion.

She gives an approving nod and steps back "What do you think?" she asks, turning to Levi. "Does he look nice?"

Levi's eyes rove over Eren. Eren feels as if he's stripped naked under that stare. He feels like Levi's eyes can see straight through his clothes. He shifts uncomfortably, his mouth dry. At last, Levi looks away and Eren can breathe again.

"Why are you asking me? He still looks like the same little shit."

The corner of Mikasa's mouth twitches. She elbows Eren in the side. "I think that means you _always_ look nice."

Levi gives an indifferent shrug, eyes tossed at the wall. "Or it means no matter what he wears, he'll always look like a shitty brat."

Mikasa's eyes remain on Levi and he meets them. They stare at each other with noticeably similar, impenetrable expressions. Something passes between the two but there's no chance Eren could ever comprehend what it is. Levi and Mikasa are too guarded and reserved for Eren to understand either one of them.

Mikasa takes Eren's hand and tows him to the door. "We should go."

"Don't be out too late," Levi warns. He follows and holds the door open while they pass through.

Eren is about to step outside but before he can, Levi snatches his wrist. "Have fun," he mutters without meeting Eren's eye.

"I can stay and help you clean up the kitchen," Eren offers. Truth is, he wants to stay with Levi. After what happened, he knows the rest of his night will be dull. He won't be able to think about anything but Levi.

"No, you should go." Levi still won't look at Eren. Even so, he's made it clear he doesn't want Eren here.

There's a crippling sinking feeling in Eren's gut. He feels a weight on his shoulders. "See you later then."

Levi's grip on his wrist falls away and then Eren is free to leave with Mikasa and Armin.

The moment they're gone, Levi shuts the door but his hand stays mashed against the surface.

The truth slips out now that no one can hear. "…Can't you tell when I'm lying? I don't want you to go, you idiot."

* * *

Levi is with Erwin. Levi called him not long after Eren left. He needed to get out of the apartment. Eren isn't there but his presence lingers—it's in his clothes, his books, his soup… And Levi can still smell that musky scent characteristic to only Eren. He needs to stop seeing that brat every time he blinks. It's maddening. And it hurts…

The first memory Levi had was of Eren's face— tanned skin and eyes burning with life. Golden light flecked the irises and those eyes burned so bright, it seemed like there was a flame blazing behind them. He grew up and lived with the image of Eren's face constantly haunting his mind. Throughout Levi's life, wherever he went, his eyes would impulsively roam the faces of the passing crowd, searching for those intense eyes that his heart ached to see. Even though he wasn't sure how he'd react to seeing Eren again, he always looked for him. He was always looking because in this life, there was an excruciating void in his chest, and he knew it was the place where Eren used to be.

The days slowly dragged by, the days turning into empty months, and then growing into hopeless years, and bit-by-bit, Levi fell apart. Eventually, he fell so deep into a bottomless darkness that he could no longer see even a speck of daylight. To keep from thinking, to keep from feeling, Levi resorted to an addictive, noxious fix that kept the threads of his fraying heart and mind from completely raveling out. From then on, he lived in a numbed reality where he no longer felt that ache or noticed that emptiness and, most of all, the face that haunted him each moment faded away from his memory.

And that dreaded day when Levi met Eren again, it all came rushing back. A fissured heart and a tunneling hole in his chest—they returned, and it was as painful as it was before, if not more. The moment Levi laid eyes on Eren again and saw that he didn't remember, he then knew what he had to do. He had to make sure Eren never realized the truth behind their past. His memory must always be locked away. This life would be free of suffering for Eren. He deserved a life free from all the anguish and hate that tortured him in the past—he deserved much more than that even. He was a hero who gave everything he had to everyone else. His strength, his love, his will—they all belonged to humanity, and humanity readily absorbed it all in without ever repaying him for it.

If there's a single person who deserves happiness, it's Eren. And Levi knows he can never be a part of it.

"I know of a way to distract you from Eren for a while," Erwin offhandedly comments.

They're at some local bar and it's packed with people. The loud noises are grating to Levi's ears. He's not used to being around crowds. Levi normally spends his time alone. Erwin is sipping out of a glass bottle and Levi is smoking—they're both indulging in their fixes. This is the only place Levi knows of that actually allows smoking inside. Levi didn't call Erwin here because he wanted to drink with him but he knows Erwin likes his alcohol. He always has. Levi, however, is avoiding alcohol. The last time Levi drank he almost blabbered the truth to Eren so no more of that.

"If you're suggesting what I think you're suggesting then I decline your offer," Levi coolly replies, his cigarette bobbling in his mouth with each word.

"Have you let anyone touch you in this life?"

Levi doesn't give an answer but his silence acts as one. Then Erwin's hand is placed on his knee and deliberately works up his thigh. It's shameful how Levi's body reacts to Erwin's touch.

"Remove your hand before I break it," Levi dully says. It's not a true threat and he doesn't brush off Erwin's hand. He knew Erwin would make some kind of advance. Levi is disgusted with himself but his cigarettes can only do so much for him. He wants to be touched. But he has to put on some kind of refusal so he's not completely pathetic.

"We aren't unfamiliar with each other. If I recall correctly, I believe I came before Eren. And even after Eren confessed to you, how many times did you come to me in the night?"

Levi scowls. "Keep those loose lips under lock and key, Erwin. Say more and I'll rip them off your face."

It was different back then. Levi hadn't fallen in love with Eren yet. He didn't see anything wrong with giving Eren what he wanted and then indulging in Erwin. Levi never felt anything for Erwin— they were simply using one another for physical pleasure.

Erwin's hand creeps higher. After all this time, Levi's body remembers that hand like it was yesterday. But it's different now because Levi hasn't been touched in this life. He's hypersensitive. Just Erwin's simple stroking has him internally squirming.

Erwin continues. "You called me because you want me to act as a replacement, right? Since you can't have Eren."

Something inside Levi shatters. He didn't think he could break any more than he already has, but apparently he can. He has to force his voice steady. "Stop it, Erwin."

"My apologies. I was out of line."

They fall to silence while Erwin's hand works higher and deliberately palms him through the material of his black jeans. Erwin's fingers are forceful like they always were in the past. Levi twitches and his eyes fall shut in a slight high. He's too sensitive; it's pathetic. But he doesn't even care. He doesn't care that he's being touched in a public place like this either. It's been so long since he's been touched intimately. And he's been uncomfortably stimulated since what happened with Eren. The desire he feels for Eren is beyond painful. He needs Eren. Not only does he need his touch but he also needs his heart. He needs for Eren to love him again.

"If we do it, you can close your eyes and imagine it's Eren if you want," Erwin croons into Levi's ear.

The offer is unbelievably tempting. Levi's body aches for him to accept it, but instead, he tears Erwin's hand away from him and spreads it upturned on the bar top. "That won't work. Your hands are nothing like Eren's." His fingertips run light rings in Erwin's hard-skinned palm. "Everyone thought Eren was a monster. They thought he was some sort of brute or beast. But his touch was gentle. He was always careful not to hurt me."

Then Levi sighs and brushes Erwin's hand aside. He takes in a deep drag from his cigarette then arcs his head back and releases tresses of second-hand smoke. "Nobody cared how rough they were with me. Not that I really minded. It's not like anyone could truly hurt me."

"You mean like me?"

Erwin was rough. He would thrash Levi around like he didn't have the capability of being injured, but Levi had been with far worse than Erwin.

"You weren't the only one…"

"If you didn't like it, you should've said something."

Levi's shoulders lurch with a shrug. "It didn't matter to me one way or another." And it's not like Levi didn't enjoy it. As long as he was sent into ecstasy, he didn't care how he got there.

"But you said you liked how Eren was gentle."

"It surprised me, that's all. His anger was ruthless but his touch lacked any brutality." And sex was never all that important to Eren. He was content being near Levi. All he wanted was to be close. He never asked Levi for anything more than an embrace or a kiss.

Levi didn't understand it. Eren's confession—he didn't take it seriously. He figured Eren was a teenager confused by hormones. He thought the confession was Eren's way of telling him he wanted to indulge in Levi, but that wasn't it at all. That little brat really did fall in love with him and Levi still doesn't know why. Why would someone like Eren love someone as harsh and coldhearted as Levi? Especially when he had a beautiful, love-struck girl following after him?

"That little shit…" Levi mashes the heel of his hand into his face, scouring the sole into his eye. He aches knowing he treated Eren unfairly in the past. Mikasa was right to hate Levi for the way he treated Eren. He was hard on him. He had to make him strong but maybe he'd been too hard. After all, in the end, Eren kept his promise and saved humanity. Eren never failed Levi but Levi had failed Eren.

"Are you going to continue torturing yourself, Levi? You love him but you don't want him to know the truth. You want to be near him but you avoid him."

"I called you to distract me. You're doing a shit job of it." Levi sounds dead even to his own ears.

"I offered to distract you but you declined."

Levi sighs in defeat. "I don't want that kind of distraction."

"Maybe you should stop trying to fight it. Just let the pieces fall where they may."

"What are you saying?"

Erwin steals Levi's cigarette from out of his fingers and sucks in a draw. "Let him remember."

Levi glares blackly at him. How can someone as sharp minded as Erwin say something so stupid? "Do you have any idea what that will do to him? He's already taking shit pills for his anger. I don't want him on antidepressants too."

"Perhaps you're underestimating him. He's a durable kid."

"I know but you didn't live to see that last battle. You were lucky enough to have already passed."

There's an impish glint in Erwin's eye. "Did you mourn for me, Levi?"

Levi's eyes flick to the side and his tongue clicks against his teeth. "Tch. Why would I mourn for a creep like you?"

Erwin chuckles and takes another inhale from Levi's cigarette. "How cruel."

Levi rests his elbows on the bar top and his chin falls into the palm of his hand. "Eren always hated what he was. He was afraid he'd lose control. And during that battle, his deepest fear became real. If he remembers that, it'll tear him to shreds."

Levi slumps forward. A heavy burden ruthlessly crushes him down and he doesn't have much strength left inside him to keep supporting it. "I don't want him hating himself anymore." Seeing Eren suffer, seeing him hate who he is or what he is, is unbearable.

Erwin sighs and returns the cigarette back to Levi. "But what about you, Levi? You lose a piece of yourself every second you're away from him."

Levi puffs on his cigarette without responding.

"Let me ask you something, why do you love him in the first place?"

Why does Levi love Eren? He's never actually tried to put it into words. Eren and Levi don't go well together. They clash on every level. He irritates Levi beyond belief. But every weakness Levi has, Eren buffers it because Eren is strong where Levi is weak. Eren brings out Levi's humanity. He brings out Levi's gentle side. He makes Levi a better person.

And while Levi is icy cold, Eren is warm like sunlight. Levi is dull and impassive—he's unemotional and detached but Eren keeps him feeling, whether it's happiness, love, pain, or anger. At least he feels _something_. People used to say Levi was inhumanly heartless, but the longer he's at Eren's side, the more human he is. Eren brings out the life in him.

So why does Levi love Eren? "He gives me hope. He gives me something to live for."

And also something to die for…


	8. Chapter 8: Bruises & the Same Dream

I stole one of the themes from one of my other stories on my other account. I'll explain more in the footnote. So if it sounds familiar, you probably read my other story. Trust me, I'm the same person. It should make sense though because my writing style is the same.

Warning sexual content ahead, but it's not explicit.

* * *

_Lost Memories…_

At first, there was only the awareness of the strong love Eren had for Captain Levi, and he wasn't exactly sure _why_ he had fallen in love with him to begin with. But after thinking about it, after recalling all that they've been through, he finally understands why he's fallen for his superior.

How many times has Captain Levi saved Eren? Levi is harsh and offensive, but he's also considerate in his own way. In the beginning, when Eren had woken up chained up and jailed, confused and angry, all of humanity feared him. But without giving much deliberation, Levi volunteered to take Eren in. He had looked upon Eren with something Eren wasn't used to seeing in the fearful gazes that locked on him. Levi had hope in his eyes when he looked at Eren. He didn't see a monster. He saw Eren's determination to make things right in this world.

Then there was the court trial. Levi kicked Eren around until he dislodged his tooth. Originally, Eren had been angry. It hurt being beaten by Levi's boots. But now that he knows more about his corporal, he knows it couldn't have been easy for him. Unnecessary pain and death are what Levi hates the most, but he threw away that value during the court trial to _save_ Eren. He didn't really want to cause Eren any pain. It was all an act to spare Eren from being dissected. And afterwards, he didn't want Eren hating him. He cared whether or not Eren, a person he'd only just met, hated him. Eren knows Levi doesn't typically care what other people think about him but for some reason, he _did_ care about the way Eren saw him.

And that time when Eren had accidentally shifted into his titan while reaching down to retrieve his dropped spoon, everyone raised their swords on him except Captain Levi. Levi even turned his back on Eren to face his squad and calm them down. He trusted Eren enough to bare his vulnerable side to him. While the whole world watches Eren in fear, Levi looks back at the world with a strong, protective arm raised in front of Eren. He doesn't question Eren's loyalty and that makes Eren feel stronger than any titan power ever could.

Captain Levi stands by Eren and keeps him on his feet when the remorse and regret crush into him until his skull feels like it'll shatter. He tries to alleviate the carnage and death off Eren's mind. Not only does he protect Eren from worldly dangers, but also internal ones that Eren creates in his own head.

Back when Levi's squad had been killed, instead of taking the time to mourn over their deaths, his first priority was to distract Eren from his own crippling guilt. Eren had thought Levi was simply in a talkative mood that day, but now, he realizes the captain was more concerned about Eren's state of mind than his own. He kept the conversation going, not because he wanted to, but because he knew Eren would blame himself for their deaths.

And then Eren had lost control during his last fight with Annie. He destroyed half the Trost district and injured many innocent people. And while Levi said he'd kill Eren if he ever lost control, he hadn't. He cleanly cut Eren free without harming him in any way. He was even injured while doing so.

However, long before that, he had told Eren the only way to cut him out was by severing his hands and feet. He told Eren he'd suffer unbearable pain if he lost control. That means he lied, hoping fear would lurk in the back of Eren's mind and help him keep control. Every move Levi makes, he does in the hope of making Eren stronger. Eren sees now, the one person who supports him the most is Levi. So isn't it natural for Eren to fall in love with him?

Eren has admired Levi since he was a kid and now, his heart longs to always remain by his side. He owes Levi more than he could ever repay him.

It's before dawn and an icy chill has settled in layers near the ground. They're meters out from the hideout, and it's almost time for Jean and Sasha to take over watch. Eren and Levi took the second night watch, it'd been a long night and Eren struggled to keep his eyes open, but once the sun rises, he can finally get some shuteye.

Levi stoops low and picks at the ice on the ground. The temperature dropped in the night, freezing over the grass and land. Heavy winter clothing is something the squad lacks; their Scouting cloaks are the warmest gear they own. But the day will be warm; the temperature will inevitably rise along with the sun.

Levi appears small and almost childlike crouched down, playing in the dirt. Eren smiles. What's he doing anyway?

"Captain? Did you find something?" Even his words sound like they should be spoken to a child.

Levi doesn't move from out of his crouch as he gazes up at the sky. Eren's eyes follow the graceful arc of Levi's neck to his strong jawline. His heart stutters and beats in chaotic, uneven intervals.

"Have you ever seen snow?" Levi murmurs quietly, distant in thought.

Eren is a little confused by Levi's distracted focus. "I think I've seen snow once, when I was a kid."

"What did you think of it?"

Eren can't really remember much about it—it was such a long time ago and he'd been pretty young. "Um… it was cold."

Levi doesn't offer a sarcastic retort to Eren's unintelligent remark like he normally would. His mind is far away, someplace else and Eren wants to follow him there. "It's been a while since the last snowfall. A lot of problems came with snow. It was slippery and many blunders were made during Scouting Expeditions." Sharp, silvery eyes shift to Eren. "But I always liked the snow."

"Why? I remember snow being icy and lifeless."

Levi's chin tilts down, eyes on the ground. "I remember it differently."

"How do you remember it?"

His voice is soft. "It was quiet."

"It was lifeless," Eren repeats.

"No…" he disagrees. "It was quiet in a world that never stops moving." Levi looks out over the expanse of the deadened land in front of him, and it seems like he can see farther, past the horizon into places Eren can't see. "I wonder what it would take for the world to be like that."

"Quiet?"

Levi rises and pointedly eyes Eren. "But as long as you're here, things will never be quiet. You're a loud little shit."

A sheepish grin stretches clumsily over Eren's mouth. "Sorry."

Chill has spread a flush over Levi's face, and Eren touches the tip of his small, rosy nose. "Aren't you cold?"

"I don't mind the cold."

Levi is staring off into the distance again like he does when he's thinking deeply about something, and Eren follows Levi's line of sight but there's nothing there. "You're always looking away somewhere. What do you look at?"

Levi shrugs, his eyes flicking back to Eren's face from the corner. "I'm not looking at anything here."

"Where are you looking then?"

A hand reaches up and gives a slight knock on Eren's temple. "I look inside my head. Mine isn't hollow like yours."

Eren grins and snatches his hand before it can fall slack at his side. Levi's skin is ice so Eren brings it to his mouth, blows heat onto his ashen knuckles that have begun tinting blue, and rubs Levi's hand between his palms, creating warm friction. "What do you see inside your head?"

"That's personal."

"I want to know everything about you, the personal stuff too."

Levi pulls his hand away, and avoids looking at Eren directly. "No you don't…"

Eren tucks his finger beneath Levi's jaw, pulling his face closer. He looks him straight in the eye without faltering. "Of course I do."

Levi silently searches Eren's face for any cracks but Eren isn't lying. "I don't get you…" he mutters at last. He then takes Eren's wrist, and tows him back toward the hideout.

Once they're indoors, they remove their damp cloaks and hang them to dry. Jean and Sasha take over watch. Sasha looks like she'll find a nice hole to crawl into and fall asleep in place of her duties, but Eren knows Jean won't let her slack off. He takes his responsibilities pretty seriously, and that's something Eren can respect Jean for.

Levi regards Eren, speaking with a detachment he shows when they're in the open. "You should shower. The water will warm you up." He turns to head in a different direction but Eren catches his wrist.

What about Levi? If Eren showers, he'll be left to endure the chill alone. The washroom is a communal shower so normally guys shower together and girls shower together. However, for some reason, Levi never joins Eren and the rest of the guys. He refuses to, even if Eren invites him. That troubled Eren for a while until Jean convinced him that Levi would feel uncomfortable since he's their superior and all. But Levi isn't easily discomforted… Something like that shouldn't bother him.

And… Eren doesn't want Levi to leave. He's too embarrassed to ask him to stay out loud so he holds onto him, fingers curled tightly around his lean forearm, and hopes that he understands the meaning of it.

There's a sigh. "You're such a pain…"

He leads Eren to the washroom and shuts the door behind them. He flips the lock. Eren wouldn't have thought about that. He's lucky Levi is as cautious as he is. Eren isn't skilled with secrecy. He's naturally an honest person. He doesn't conceal much of anything that he's thinking or feeling. That's why Eren confessed to Levi in the first place. He couldn't hold back the truth. It was killing him on the inside.

Eren watches Levi take hold to the hem of his own shirt. Heat rushes to Eren's head, dizziness spreading through him. He's never actually seen Levi without clothing before. With slow, measured movements, Levi peels his shirt over his head. Eren's eyes go wide and he slams a hand over his mouth to muffle his gasp of shock. Levi's body… it's streaked with dark, violet and blue, patterned imperfections.

His skin is untouched porcelain at his collarbone but only a few centimeters below lays a track of deeply raw tissue. The hearts of the bruises are budded purple and flower into blue and black. They bloom farther outward into fleshy red, and beneath the display of colors, there's a foundation of a yellowish tint from older, settled bruises that have made Levi's flesh their home.

He drops his trousers and more of those marks wind his thighs and calves. Eren stares at him. He can't tear his eyes away from the flaws coiling Levi's torso where the straps of the maneuvering gear have left permanent marks. Eren has none of those bruises and as he recalls, none of his comrades have those marks either. Occasionally, they gain a bruise or two, but they're never as numerous or as severe as the ones tarnishing Levi's body. Why does he have so many?

"Captain…"

"What is it?" Levi isn't looking at him.

Eren hesitates. "Your skin—it's bruised up pretty bad. Does it hurt?"

Levi glances down at his own naked chest and legs as if he hadn't noticed his bruises. His small shoulders heave with an unconcerned shrug. "I don't feel it anymore. I'm sure it was painful at some point."

His fingers wrap around the faucet and he gives it a twist. Water sprays and collects in his upturned palm, and when warmed steam rises from the showerhead, Levi steps forward, droplets riding down his body and licking over his welts. Eren watches the water fall over his skin and string along the contours of his muscle, flowing with the angles and bends in his frame. Is this why Levi never showers with them? Because he doesn't want them to see his battered body?

"Why do you have those bruises? They're from the maneuvering gear, right? Is yours broken or something?"

Levi shakes his head, water splaying around him with the movement. "That's not it." He raises a hand, his fingers curling twice in a gesture for Eren to approach him.

Eren comes closer and follows the length of Levi's finger as it deliberately traces over the strip of sore flesh on his chest. "I'm the only one with these marks because I maneuver differently."

Puzzlement pulls at Eren's brow. "Different how?"

"I move too quickly. The gear wasn't made for anyone to move around with that much speed. The belts rip on my flesh."

Eren gapes at him horrorstruck. "You should slow down. It's not good to continue maneuvering like that if it leaves injuries. You could cause permanent damage."

Levi is indifferent and brushes off Eren's concern. "I've been using the gear like this since the beginning. It's what makes me lethal. If it weren't for my speed, I wouldn't be known as Humanity's Strongest."

Eren grits his teeth. "But…" He doesn't want Levi in pain.

Levi takes Eren's right hand and feels over the permanent bite-mark at the knuckle of his thumb. "It's not unlike your self-inflicted injuries to shift into your titan. We all have to give to gain strength. No one is born strong."

"I always thought you were born strong," Eren admits. He realizes how naïve it was to think that. "…I always thought you were untouchable." He spent years listening to all the stories and glory of Humanity's Strongest. He believed every word spouted, but it was all exaggeration and objectification. The world objectifies Levi because they need someone to symbolize strength. The world wants to believe that the human race is still strong, and Levi is their emblem.

Drooped, silvery eyes meet Eren's. "I'm only human," is the simple reply.

That's right. Captain Levi is only a normal man. He doesn't have healing abilities like Eren or super strength. He might _seem_ inhumanly strong but he has vulnerabilities just like everyone else. He isn't an emblem at all. He's a mere soldier fighting for freedom. Eren's eyes drop to the purple band on his chest.

"Can I touch them?"

Levi blinks. "Do what you want…"

Eren's breath thins out as he reaches toward Levi. His fingertips delicately brush over the blackened marks. They aren't pretty, they blemish Levi's fair complexion, but they're absolutely breathtaking. Eren traces them down his sides, passing over the ridges of his ribcage, and along his pale, jutted hipbone. Levi shudders at the sensation.

"You're going a little far…" he mutters but it doesn't sound like an objection.

"May I see your back?"

Levi looks up at him with a deadpan. The back is where most of the weight is placed when maneuvering. Eren can guess that Levi's back will be even more torn up than his chest and legs. Hesitantly, Levi turns around, facing the wall. He appears vulnerable like this—stripped of clothing, marked with bruises, and his back facing Eren.

Eren swallows the lump in his throat. He was right. Levi's back is swelled with blackened, violet streaks, and the skin has been irritated and scratched at from the harness that's supposed to prevent injuries from the gear. The harness keeps the spine from snapping, but on Levi it also inflicts damage to his skin. Eren carefully follows the path the scarred flesh makes, crisscrossing his backbone and shoulder blades.

These marks signify Levi's vulnerability, his weaknesses, and he's baring them to Eren. Levi is giving his trust to him. Eren lays his lips above the jut of his sharp shoulder blade where his muscle has been tenderized by the gear. Levi shivers again and braces his weight by placing his palms on the wet, slippery tile of the wall.

"Are you lying? Does it actually hurt you?" He pushes deeper into a bruise above Levi's shoulder blade.

There's no reaction and Eren adds a bit more pressure. There's a spasm in the muscles of Levi's back. The reaction had been minimal but Eren knows he's suppressing his true discomfort. Levi really was lying. It's painful for him and he doesn't want anyone to know.

"Captain…" Eren's arms curl around Levi from behind. His slick back curves into Eren's body. "How can you fight if it hurts?"

Eren can feel Levi's gravelly voice rumbling in the cavity of his chest. "Fighting is going to hurt. You know that just as well as I do. But after a while, you get used to it."

War hurts. It hurts the body and it hurts the spirit too. Wounds and betrayal, death and ire—all of it has taken tolls on each soldier fighting this war. But Eren and Levi are the beacons humanity looks up to. The tolls are heavier on them. Eren toils through pain and anguish— he torments himself to become strong, and if he fails in the end, he'll be hated no matter how hard he tries. That's why he can't fail. He promised he'd save them all and so he will.

But Levi is hurting with him. Eren isn't alone. They're both being scarred and torn apart while fighting for humanity. Only, contrary to what Eren believed before, Levi is physically weaker than Eren. Eren sees that now. He can't heal like Eren can. He'll remain damaged until time slowly fades his wounds.

Or maybe…

Maybe he's not weaker than Eren after all. Maybe that makes him the stronger one. He keeps fighting while pushing himself beyond his limitations, even though he'll never recover completely from it.

Eren ducks lower, his mouth near Levi's neck. Eren's clothing is soaked through from the warm water spurting from the showerhead over them but he doesn't care. His lips press into the side of Levi's neck, at the indent just below his ear, aligned with his well-defined jaw.

"How can you be gentle? Aren't you supposed to be a monster?"

Eren chuckles. "Even a monster can be gentle."

His mouth travels lower to Levi's shoulder and he licks up the droplets of water that cling to his skin. Eren's tongue runs the span of Levi's neck. He can feel a vein throb with Levi's quickening pulse.

His head rolls to the side, opening up and allowing Eren better access. "I'll be discharged for this…"

Eren's lips move to his ear. He lovingly nibbles on the soft lobe, and a tremor works up Levi's spine, hairs prickling on the nape of his neck.

"What if I'm the only one who does the touching?" Eren whispers. "I'll be the one to blame."

Eren's hand slides lower on Levi's hip to his pelvis. This is like a dream for Eren. He's only imagined touching Levi this intimately. He never thought it'd become real. His heart batters inside his chest, his mind growing foggy, as his fingers fall to Levi's groin. Levi claws at the wall, his muscles tensing at the stimulation of Eren's grip around him. His breath rasps shallow and short, his body heating up. Eren strokes him slowly, then steadily builds to a pleasant speed. Levi tosses his head back, eyes shut in ecstasy, and his hips tremble slightly.

With his free hand, Eren caresses Levi's side, slipping up from his hip to his ribcage. His hand skims across the cascading water to his small, discolored chest. Eren's palm memorizes every line and plane to the decrepit body pressed along him.

"It doesn't matter who's doing the touching. If we're caught…" Levi takes in a shaky breath unable to continue speaking.

"You can just say I threatened you with my titan power. Everyone thinks I'm a monster anyway. They'll believe you."

"Your head… really is… hollow," Levi manages to reply between chesty huffs.

Long fingers curl around Levi's jaw, pulling his face to the side. Eren meets him and catches onto Levi's thin bottom lip. He gently bites down, pulling it outward, and then he wedges his tongue between Levi's teeth, reaching into the heated, wet corners of Levi's mouth. He feels Levi suck in a breath. Then he hears Levi's throat clamp shut, repressing his rising voice, and he's searing hot in the palm of Eren's hand—the signs of reaching his peak. Eren's tongue is twisting behind Levi's teeth, savoring every taste of that spice he loves. His lips scour so hard into Levi's that he's probably left an additional bruise.

Levi breaks off with a sudden gasp, his muscles abruptly tightening. Eren coaxes Levi's tension until he releases and his muscles loosen. The water cleanses them both, washing away any evidence that they ever engaged in intimate contact. Levi's chest caves with heavy panting, his knees wobbling beneath him, all his energy having been drained.

"I'm sorry, Captain. I shouldn't have done that…"

Eren isn't normally this pushy. He's never pushed Levi farther than kissing before. This is dangerous. Eren is risking Levi's reputation by touching him this way. Every moment he touches Levi, he's being selfish. He's not thinking about what the captain needs. What if Levi doesn't want this? He's never told Eren how he truly felt. He doesn't object Eren's advances nor does he encourage them.

"You're right, you shouldn't have, but I shouldn't have let you either. The blame goes two ways, Eren."

Levi is once again prioritizing Eren's needs over his own. He's putting Eren before himself. Levi lets Eren touch him in order to keep Eren focused on the battlefield. He doesn't actually _feel_ anything for Eren. He doesn't love Eren back. He partakes in physical intimacy with Eren but his heart is cut off from him. Levi sees it all as duty to keep Eren focused so he won't be distracted when the time comes for them to fight. Eren is only a chore for him—a burden.

"Am I a burden?"

"What?" Levi turns around to face Eren. His brows are creased, a frown tugging at his lip. "A burden? That's what you think you are to me?"

Eren's silence is a good enough answer.

Levi sweeps the stringy, wet strands of Eren's hair from out of his eyes. "You're a pain in my ass, but if I thought you were a burden, I would have gotten rid of you a long time ago."

"Then how do you feel about me? Do you love me back?"

Levi's eyes dart away. "…I can't answer that."

Eren clutches the sides of Levi's face, and forces Levi to look him in the eye. "What do you mean you can't answer that?"

"Eren… just let it go. That's an order."

Eren can't let it go. "Please, Captain, I need an answer."

Levi's brows draw further together, deepening the troubled folds between them. "You don't understand. Being with you like this is dangerous, but if I admit to feeling something deeper for you, it'll be life threatening."

Levi was right. Eren doesn't understand that at all. "How would it be life threatening?"

"Do you have something to die for?"

"_Huh?_"

The question catches Eren off guard. It disrupts Eren's track of thought, and it doesn't tie in with anything they were just talking about, and Levi simply stares at him expectantly, waiting for an answer.

Frustration jerks at the threads holding Eren's mind together. "Stop dodging my questions!" He's tired of Levi changing the subject.

Levi scowls. "Just answer it," he commands.

Eren sighs in defeat. He can't make Levi answer his questions, and even though Levi refuses to give Eren any answers, Eren always answers his questions honestly. Does Eren have something to die for? He hates being caged like cattle restricted by boundaries. He fights for freedom, but would he die for it? If he dies for freedom then he'll never experience it. Freedom is undeniably important to him, but his friends are most important. He couldn't live without them.

He meets Levi's eye. "Yeah, I have more than one thing to die for. But to be honest, I don't want to die at all."

"Tch, nobody wants to die. But those who do— they have a reason. Even if they never know what it is." He pauses. "You would die for your girlfriend, right?"

Eren scoffs irritably. "How many times do I have to tell you? She's not my girlfriend. She's like a sister to me."

Levi's response is dull and impassive. "…Clearly you were an only child if you think she's like a sister."

Eren rolls his eyes. "Whatever, keep going with what you were saying."

Levi's gaze focuses on nothing in particular. "I've watched countless soldiers die, and I let their deaths fuel my strength. I become their reason. But I still need to find my own."

"Isn't finding something to die for kinda sad?"

Levi's palm presses against Eren's chest, and even through the material of his shirt, Eren can feel Levi's warmth. "Having something good to die for makes living beautiful." He reaches up while stretching to his toes, and winds his arms around Eren's neck. His silvery eyes pierce through Eren. "I just have to find my reason."

Eren leans down to meet Levi's lips, and his fingers run through the sodden strands of his hair sticking to his scalp. He doesn't get Levi. He doesn't know where Levi's mind takes him, but all Eren wants is to be with him. Levi pulls at the hem of Eren's shirt and slips it over his head. He tosses it to the side and it lands with a wet splat on the stone-tiled floor. The backs of Levi's fingertips run over Eren's side where his ribcage is faintly visible. His eyes wander over Eren's chest. This is the first time Eren has seen Levi undressed but it's also the first time Levi has seen Eren. Eren flushes with embarrassment all the way to the tips of his ears.

"Your mind may not be that of a fifteen year old, but you're still young," Levi observes.

Eren isn't sure what to say to that. It's true, Eren hasn't fully developed, but that shouldn't matter though, should it? It just reiterates the age gap between Levi and Eren. Although Eren doesn't give a damn about the age difference, Levi is the one who will be rebuked if they're caught. Eren won't be the one blamed.

Levi's palm feels over Eren's chest and then lowers to his abdomen. Levi's skin is coarse with callouses and scars. Then Levi's fingers slip underneath Eren's waistband traveling lower to the more intimate parts of him, and Eren sucks in a sharp breath.

"Captain…"

Levi hesitates. "What?"

Dizzying heat shrouds Eren's head and his mind fuzzes over. He struggles to find his tongue, and when he finally manages to speak, his response is less than graceful. "…You don't, I-I mean… To do something like that… Y-You don't need to," he sputters.

Levi's thin brows pull together in confusion. "You don't want me to?"

More heat pours into Eren's face. "N-No, that's not it." His fingertips graze the side of Levi's cheekbone. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to."

Levi brushes over Eren where his trousers have become too constricting. "It's uncomfortable, isn't it?"

"It's okay."

But his coarse fingers slide further down anyway, and they're a little rough when they stroke Eren. Even so, Eren's body reacts on instinct. His hips twitch, his breath thinning. Eren's eyes squeeze shut and his knees shake.

"…Captain," he breathes out. He lightly catches Levi's wrist and tugs his hand away. "You shouldn't… As long as I'm the one touching you, it'll be okay. If we're somehow caught, you won't be discharged. I'll be to blame." Even though Levi is older, if he doesn't touch Eren, then maybe he'll be pardoned.

"You're too naïve. It doesn't work that way."

He places chaste kisses on Levi's knuckles. "It's okay. I want to be close to you. That's all."

Levi sighs. "Well you'll have to take off your clothes to properly clean yourself anyway."

He pulls his hand free from out of Eren's grip. His lithe fingers unzip his trousers and peel them off Eren's slender hips. The water has plastered them to Eren's skin, and it's a little difficult to get them off but eventually, Eren is just as exposed as Levi. Eren hides his hot face in his hands. He doesn't think he's ever felt this self-conscious before. Fingers curl around Eren's wrists and wrench his hands away from his face.

"You're usually shamelessly bold, and now's the time you choose to act shy?"

Eren gives a sheepish smile, and there's an uneven lurch of his shoulders in an awkward shrug. "When it comes to you, my mind is chaos."

* * *

The day is ending, and Levi and Eren are out on the veranda of the hideout. Levi has his arms crossed, leaned against one of the posts, and Eren is sitting on the front steps, elbows rested on his knees. They watch the sun set below the horizon in silence. Red and orange span out from the sinking yellow light, and barely touch the blues and violets of twilight. Stray beams streak towards them in a bright, fiery glare, and there's a cool breeze that rustles through their hair and sends their clothing fluttering about their limbs.

The silence breaks. "Do you know the place where the sun sets?" Levi murmurs.

Eren twists around to look at him over his shoulder. His silvery eyes reflect the sunset like mirrors.

Eren shakes his head. "No, I don't. Do you?"

Levi is distant. "No, but I dream of seeing it."

Eren turns face forward with the mesmerizing display of the sunset in front of him. "I dream of seeing the ocean," he says absentmindedly.

"The ocean, huh."

"Yeah," he sighs, blissfully imagining that future. "Will you go see it with me?"

At first there's no response and then, "If you save humanity, I'll go with you."

Eren grins to himself, his heart swelling in his chest. "We can see that place where the sun sets too."

Levi doesn't reply, but the atmosphere seems lighter and smiling is easy. Eren feels content and he doesn't fear for the future. Regardless of the warnings the world sends his way, in his heart, he isn't afraid.

But he should have been.

Eren is alone with a hollow shadow following him wherever he goes. His mind is numb, he has nothing to die for, and he keeps living. Life isn't beautiful. The walls that caged humanity are now crumbled into jagged blocks of stone, and freedom is finally attainable. But Eren couldn't care less.

Mikasa's eyes are full of sorrow and desperation— she holds onto him and won't let him go. Armin holds onto him too as if they're both afraid he'll disappear. He jerks out of their holds and resumes with his work. He's helping clean up the wreckage from the fallen walls, throwing stone after stone into the wagons distributed throughout the district. He works silently along with the rest of Squad Levi. With everyone else here, it feels empty without their squad leader.

"The sunset is pretty without the walls," Historia softly remarks.

Eren's attention is snapped toward the horizon. The sun hasn't yet touched the land but it will soon. He abruptly drops the stone in his hands and bolts to the horse tethered to the wagon.

"Eren? What are you doing?" Mikasa demands, her voice shrill with fear as she appears at his side.

He unties the horse then he's swinging a leg over the saddle. Mikasa snatches the reins before he can take off, and her eyes are wide and pleading.

"Don't leave me here."

A sharp pang pierces through him. He said those same words only a few days ago. He forces a smile and takes her hand. He lays his lips on the tops of her knuckles that are bloodied and chafed from dealing with serrated rock all day. "Don't worry, I'll be back. I promise."

And then he's off.

He's racing toward that place Levi wanted to see. He follows the light as it fades and darkness pursues him. He feels the coldness creeping up his back like a shiver, but his face is warm as long as he faces the light. He's fixed forward, knees bent, and nudges the horse faster. The wind whips at his face, his Scouting cloak billowing behind him like a flag. He's riding so quickly that the rush of the wind wears at his ears and they sting.

The sun is touching the land now. He doesn't have much time. He frantically urges the horse to fly forward. The sky is bloody with splotches of blue behind him. It's an image so familiar and nostalgic it makes Eren's heart ache painfully. The sun is sinking too quickly. He won't make it. He feels as though he's drowning, and his lungs burn. He wants to scream out. There's a towering hill up ahead overlooking the stretch of inhabited land that Eren flies over. When he makes it to the other side, he abruptly straightens up, yanking on the reins.

He leaps off, and his boots sink into soft grains of white that look almost like snow. He stoops down, picking up a handful. It isn't cold but it's quiet. He steps forward, closer to the water that's brushing at the sand in smooth interludes like a rushing melody. His eyes are out over the water. It stretches from all the way at his left, to all the way at his right— it looks like it could go on forever. The water splashes at his boots then retreats for a moment, only to touch him again and retract again. And then he looks up at the sky. The sun falls lower into the ocean, and flickers of light glisten on the breaks of the waves in sparkling flashes.

This is it. He's found it.

Tears slip out Eren's eyes. "Hey, Captain," and he can almost hear Levi's voice answer him in his curt, careless way as if he's annoyed by Eren for calling him. "…The ocean and that place where the sun sets… they're the same." There's a strangled laugh that's more of a rattling sob and a broken smile. "We had the same dream."

* * *

_Present..._

Hanji knocks on Levi's door. It takes a moment for him to answer, and when he shows himself, his hair is disheveled, his cheeks flushed with color, and he's wearing a ratty, burgundy sweater that's too big on him.

She stares at him. "Er, did I catch you at a bad time?"

"No, why?" His voice is a little hoarse too.

She eyes him for a second. "I think you should have gotten a smaller sweater. That one's a little big on you."

The sleeves dangle past his fingertips and the hem hangs at his thighs. His pale chest peeks out at the neckline, hinting at his defined collarbone and toned physique.

He shrugs and doesn't offer a reply.

Then realization hits. "Wait, I know that sweater," she muses. "That's Eren's sweater. Why are you wearing his clothes?"

Levi clicks his tongue impatiently. "Why are you here?"

Hanji grimaces. She has a reason, and it's not to see one of her dearest friends. She enjoys Levi's company, but this time, she didn't come to chitchat. "May I come inside?"

He opens the door wider while stepping aside. She enters and automatically sits down at the small, round table in his little dining space. He sits next to her, idly staring at the wall.

"Can I have some tea?" she asks.

His eyes shift to her. "I'm not making any for you."

She would've chuckled at that if she weren't in such a down mood. "That's fine. I'll make us both a cup."

Once they're both situated with a nice, hot cup of tea settled between their palms, she begins.

First she asks the most obvious question. "Where's Eren?"

His reply is offhand as if he doesn't mind being separated from Eren, but she's aware of how much it pains him. "At a party."

That isn't good news. "When will he be back?"

"I told them not to be out too late."

Hanji fiddles with her teacup and takes a sip. She tries to sound calm, but this situation has her worried. "I don't think he should be out tonight."

Levi's eyes harden. She has his full attention now. She's never been good at hiding anything from Levi, not even her emotions. He's caught the unease in her tone. "Why not?"

Her eyes are down on her teacup, her voice low and serious. "I spoke with Pastor Nick. He knows more than we previously thought. There's something he's hiding from us. He warned me tonight isn't a good night for Eren to be unprotected, and he wouldn't tell me anything more." Her eyes shift to Levi. "Eren needs to stay inside. How long has he been gone?"

"A few hours."

Hanji's jaw tightens. "You need to get him, Levi."

He blinks and doesn't react, and then he unleashes a short, vexed breath. "That brat has always been a pain in my ass," he grumbles.

A small smile curves Hanji's mouth. "Don't pretend you're not relieved," she teases. "You wanted to go after him the moment he left, didn't you?"

Levi's stare is sharp on her. "You might be a head doctor now, but don't think you can get inside mine."

Hanji shoots a wide, mocking grin and doesn't say: _I've always known what you were thinking._

* * *

Footnote:

I used the theme that Levi's dream is to "see the place where the sun sets" in a different story, but the way I wanted it to work out won't be easily tied in (I quit writing that story anyway... I should probably delete it...) But here, it worked out the way I wanted it to. Well sorta. It wasn't supposed to be a sad concept. I wanted Levi and Eren to have the same dream, and then figure out _together_ that it was the same. But here... it just ended up being Eren figuring it out.

I had to have Eren explain why he loves Levi because I thought it was strange that they have this tortured love with some sort of past, but I never went into why or how they fell in love. And that's important. You can't just fall in love with someone that deeply without a good reason...

When I saw Levi take down the female titan my first thought was, "oh man, that looked painful for him". He went SO fast. And then he even looked beat up when he paused while stabbing her in the eyes with all that blood running down his face. I imagined him being pretty torn up from the maneuvering gear.

I wonder if this story is getting to be boring, and if it's disappointing to read now, especially this chapter. I'm sorry if it is. I also wonder if I make Levi too complicated. So much doubt. I probably won't update this story for a while. I'll be insanely busy. So, this is what you'll be left with for some time. Thanks for reading.


	9. Chapter 9: One More Time

As always, thanks for reading. I'm shocked people have kept with this story. Levi died in the first chapter. If I had read that, I would've stopped reading. So thanks for continuing! This chapter isn't very good, but I've got a lot of ideas for what comes next. That is, if I keep writing this.

* * *

"Ymir, what are we even doing here?" Krista mumbles.

Ymir chugs a swallow from her plastic cup. The alcohol burns her throat pleasantly and there's a slight, gratifying buzz to her thoughts. "We're blending in."

They're sitting in the cozy parlor of Connie's house. The fire is going, it's warm, and Krista is right beside Ymir on the snug loveseat. Connie's house is bigger than Ymir thought it'd be. It's pretty far from the city; it's in the countryside just outside the suburbs. It's a three-story farmhouse and in the back there are horses and stables, cows and chickens—the whole deal. Ymir used to live in the country too when she was younger. She's familiar with this kind of place. It's comfortable for her.

Clusters of their classmates are lounged about, engrossed in their own lighthearted chatter. Ymir doesn't know the majority of these people around them, but that doesn't matter. The only person she cares about is Krista. Glossy locks of blonde hair cascade down Krista's back, and she's wearing a simple, light-blue cardigan that complements her round, tear-blue eyes. Ymir is fully captivated by everything about Krista.

"We can blend in at school. We don't need to go to parties…"

"Sure, we don't _need_ to." Ymir teasingly nudges Krista with her shoulder. "You need to loosen up and have some fun." She offers her cup to her, and Krista stares at it unblinkingly. "Have a drink."

Krista's small fingers wrap around the red plastic, hesitantly accepting it. She lifts the cup to her plush mouth and takes a sip. Her throat lurches with the gulp then her little nose scrunches up in disgust. Instantly, she shoves the drink back at Ymir.

Ymir snickers. "Too strong for a lightweight like you?"

Krista's bottom lip juts out in a pout. "I'm not a lightweight. It's too bitter."

Another snicker. "Come on, I want to show you something." Ymir takes Krista's hand, pulling her to her feet.

She leads Krista outside through the patio. They pass a few people Ymir recognizes—there's Armin and Jean talking to one another, Connie dancing to the loud techno music blasting from indoors with Sasha watching him, a bag of potato chips clutched in her hand, and then there's Eren and Mikasa together sitting on one of the stone benches a few meters out from the house near the small gazebo. Reiner and Bertholdt approach Connie, and pat him on the shoulder, sharing a boisterous laugh together.

Everyone seems to be in a relaxed and upbeat mood. Since the shooting, tension has reigned thick in the air. Fear has plagued them all. It was nice of Connie to lessen the strain by throwing this get together. Although Ymir doesn't much care to mingle with others, she can appreciate his effort. Plus, this gives her an opportunity to spend more time with Krista.

Ymir's fingers are laced between Krista's slim, smooth ones as they walk. A chill is in the air, but her hand is warm against Krista's. They come to the stables and Ymir pushes open the double doors.

"Are we allowed back here?" Krista tentatively asks.

Ymir heaves a dismissive shrug. "Who cares."

They slink inside and Ymir shuts the door behind them. It's dark but there's a single light to Ymir's right. She pulls the chain and the bulb illuminates the inside with a yellowish glow. But even with the light, it's dim. Ymir stands toe-to-toe with Krista, gazing down into her tear-blue eyes. Feathered shadows from Krista's long eyelashes are cast as she looks up at her. Ymir's heart stutters pitifully, her mouth running dry.

"Historia…" She loves the way Historia's real name feels on her tongue. It's inexplicably intimate and strangely erotic. Krista trusts Ymir enough to share her true name with her. The intimacy of that is more intense than any kissing or touching, and it's more exposing than if Krista stripped stark naked in front of Ymir.

"You're all I need. We'll live only for ourselves, alright?" Ymir ducks lower, her mouth at Krista's ear. "No more living for anyone but yourself."

Ymir wants Krista to stop playing that unfair role of the perfect daughter. Krista's entire life, she's lived to please the people who despised her the most. She obeyed her family, she lived alone and neglected, but not anymore. Ymir and Krista will live together, and they'll live to please nobody else.

Krista takes in an audible breath, stepping away. She blinks up at Ymir apologetically before turning on her heel and moving toward one of the stalls. A sleek, chestnut horse peers over the edge of the wooden door, and Ymir watches as Krista's palm runs the length of the horse's muzzle, a lost look on her face. Her round eyes are unfocused as she reminisces.

"I lived in a place like this. My family owned horses too and they were my only friends. They would listen to everything I had to say without ever leaving me. I like to believe that they loved me."

Krista's shoulders slump forward in a wounded posture. She appears small and so utterly brokenhearted it wrenches Ymir's own heart. Krista is the only person in this world with the ability to affect her this way. She didn't think she was capable of caring for anyone except for herself. But apparently she can. In fact, she can care deeply on a level more passionate than simple affection—she can _love_ another person. And she's fallen in love with Historia.

Ymir's arms curl around Krista's slender waist from behind as she leans down and croons into her ear. "I'll never leave you."

There's a shake in Krista's petite body. "Promise?" She sounds afraid of hearing Ymir's answer.

But she shouldn't be. Ymir takes Krista's shoulders and turns her around to face her. Her palm cups under Krista's smooth jaw, and with curled fingers, she pulls her face upward. "I promise," Ymir breathes against Krista's mouth.

Krista's pink lips part, her eyelids fluttering shut. Ymir's heart pounds a little faster.

"In return you have to promise _me_ something."

Krista's tear-blue eyes crack open, curiosity peeking behind them. "What do you want?"

"Promise to smile for me."

"Smile…?"

"Don't tell me you don't know how to." With the tips of her two forefingers, Ymir presses into the corners of Krista's mouth, quirking them up a tad into a smile. Ymir grins. "There." And even after Ymir takes her fingers away, the smile remains. "That's better."

Ymir closes the distance between their faces, and places a kiss with all the love her twisted heart can muster onto Krista's full lips.

* * *

"Hey, that guy over there has the same hoodie as me," Eren digresses.

He's looking off at the throng of people inside the house. His mind is wandering. His thoughts have been anywhere but here with Mikasa. Normally when he zones out, he prattles on and on about his thoughts, but tonight he's been strangely quiet.

"Eren…" she mutters. "Are you hiding something from me?"

"It even has a hole at the elbow like mine…"

"Eren," Mikasa calls again, this time a little louder to get his attention.

He whirls around. "Sorry, did you say something?"

A slight smile that doesn't feel honest fixes to her face. "Can you get a drink?"

Puzzled folds rut Eren's brow line. "You don't drink though…"

Mikasa can't drink. Her skin flushes a horrible, angry, red color. She inherited that inconvenient allergy from her mother. "I think _you_ could use a drink," she tells him. "You seem tense."

"A drink sounds good," he agrees. "I'll be back."

Once he disappears behind the bobbling mass of people, Mikasa slouches over, propping her elbows on her knees, her hair falling into her face. She knows Eren has been thinking about Levi. What else would he be thinking about? He's always thinking about Levi, he always has. Did something happen between the two of them? Did Levi do something to upset Eren? Back then he was always upsetting Eren with his careless attitude.

When she picked Eren up from Levi's apartment earlier, he had that same starry-eyed look he used to get whenever he would disappear with Levi in the past, doing who knows what with him. Each time there was unexplained brightness of life to his eyes she knew he'd been with Captain Levi. Jealousy had seared so strongly inside her that it flared into an undeserved hate for their squad leader. She loathed Levi. And every time she saw Eren upset or hurt by Levi's harsh, stoic manner the hate only grew stronger. Levi didn't treat Eren right. He didn't show Eren the affection that he needed. Eren deserved much better than Levi. At least, that's what she used to think.

She sees now Levi is worthy of Eren. Levi paid the ultimate price for him. He risked everything and lost everything for Eren. Seeing the both of them separated is as painful as losing Eren all over again. She doesn't know what to do anymore. She loves Eren with all her heart, but what she wants the most is his happiness. She _needs_ for him to be happy. And she wants Levi happy too.

Levi said he wanted to keep Eren away from him in this life, but if he keeps slipping up, he'll only cause Eren more confusion and pain. Mikasa understands why Levi is avoiding Eren, and why he wants to keep the truth from him. She wants to block Eren's memory too. There's too much agony and heartbreak for him to shoulder. If he remembers, he'll be forever changed, and she can't lose _her_ Eren a second time. This Eren now is the Eren she loves. She wants him to remain the person he is in this moment. She won't let him deteriorate into a ghost of a person again. So, Mikasa understands Levi's intention, but she's not sure if severing ties with Eren is the way to go about it.

She jumps, startled, when Eren sits down next to her. He has a newly acquired plastic cup gripped in his hand, and he leans back, his long legs spread in a relaxed, casual way. His tension has vanished. He probably had a couple drinks before returning to her side.

"The night sky is pretty out here," he comments.

Mikasa peeks at him from behind the veil of her hair, following his chest to his neck, over his protruded Adam's apple, and finally to his strong jawline. He's staring aimlessly up at the sky, adrift in thought. Mikasa tilts back in a similar way, tossing her eyes overhead. City lights don't wash out the stars here, and they wink down at them in a subdued, white light spiraling in helixes, and flecking the black-canvased sky. The moon is a smiling crescent—it's flawed with splotches, but it bathes the world in a soft glow, and it lightly shines on Eren's face. His skin looks softer, his eyes brighter, and she thinks not even the starry, night sky can compete with his beauty.

"I like the starlight," Mikasa quietly says. "It's a distant light, but it's beautiful."

"Distant but beautiful…" Eren echoes to himself. A low breath is released, and his chin falls into the heel of his hand. "I don't understand Officer Levi. He's distant and cold. He pushes me away like he hates me or something, but then he…" his voice tapers off.

"Then he what?"

"Then he pulls me back like he doesn't want me to go. It's confusing!"

Mikasa doesn't tell Eren it's because Levi really doesn't want Eren to go. It's not her place to tell him of Levi's feelings.

Eren takes his drink and downs the entire contents in one go. "Ah!" he blissfully sighs, his face glowing with a sloppy smile. He leans over, falling back into Mikasa's lap. Her thighs cradle his head, and he grins up at her. "Mikasa, you're like a sister to me, right?" He reaches up, brushing the hair from out of her eyes.

When his calloused fingers make contact with her skin, her pulse quickens and her ability to think is thrown out the door. Her mind takes longer than it should have registering his words. At last, she realizes what he said and she shakes her head. "No, I'm not your sister."

Confusion ruffles his brow, and his mouth puckers. "Then what are you?"

She caresses the side of his face, her thumb running along his cheekbone. He's cute when he's confused, but how thick can a person's skull be? Hasn't he realized how she feels about him already? She searches deep in his eyes, behind his smoldering, golden-flecked irises, hoping that he'll finally understand. He blinks, and she tilts closer, her face edging towards his. His intense eyes home in on her mouth and he inclines forward to meet her. His gentle fingers tuck her hair behind her ear, the warm tips skimming over her skin. And then their lips touch.

Mikasa is afraid she'll spur more bad memories inside his head. She doesn't deepen it like she wants to. She waits, cautiously observing his reaction. He doesn't panic like he did before though. His eyelids close, and he presses their mouths more firmly together. His lips part a crack, and she can taste his warmth. He has a distinctive taste. She doesn't know how to describe it, but if there were a taste to sunlight she thinks Eren's lips would taste like that. Her heart fails inside her chest, and disgraceful tears spring in the backs of her eyes.

This is the kiss she's always dreamed of. She shared countless kisses with him in their past life. They grew old together, but he was numbed and unresponsive. There was no life inside of him. With Levi gone, he lived as an empty shell, and Mikasa had to watch. Every day it hurt seeing that hopeless look on his face. He was gone long before his heart stopped beating from old age. But this time, he's still alive. He's still Eren. She mashes her mouth strongly on his, and he's taken off guard by her sudden intensity. Then, steadily, his warm lips form freely along hers, his fingers tenderly caressing the back of her head.

She's wanted this for too long and now it hurts. It's like being stuck in darkness and the moment the eyes finally meet light again, the glaring brightness of it hurts. She's dreamed of seeing the light her whole life, but she's been swallowed by darkness for too long. It's painfully bright now. She can't see. Her hands wander beneath his shirt, feeling the solid contours of his abdomen. Eren cups her jaw, his hand gentle against her skin.

This isn't right though. She loves Eren, but in her heart she knows this isn't how it's supposed to be. She can taste the alcohol on his tongue. He's not thinking coherently. Reluctantly, she rips herself apart from him, and she thinks she's just dented her own heart. His eyes flicker open and he's staring at her, confused by her abrupt withdraw. That look makes her heart beat faster. If he looks at her like that…

She forces herself to focus on anything but his face. "There's something I have to tell you."

"Right now?" he asks in a mix of surprise and instinctive curiosity.

She nods, moving her legs from underneath him. He hauls himself into a seated position at her side, and she avoids looking at him directly.

"Remember how you were telling Armin and me about those dreams you can't remember?"

It takes him a moment to reply. "Yeah, but what does that have to do with anything?" The question drags off his tongue, disoriented and uncertain.

She squeezes her eyes shut, gnawing hard on her bottom lip. "You were right. They're important," she barely manages a whisper. "I just didn't want you to remember."

"What are you talking about?"

She bites her lip so hard that her incisors break the thin skin. Her shoulders expand with a shallow, shaky breath and she finally builds up the nerve to meet his eye. "The captain, do you remember him?"

Concentration screws his expression but his eyes lack any understanding. They're blank. "Captain…? Like of a ship or a military?"

Frustration swells inside her. "Levi, he was our squad leader."

"Levi? Are you talking about Officer Levi now? Why…? I thought you were talking about a captain?"

He's still not remembering anything. Even if she explains it all to him, will he be able to remember it? Could the memories be forever lost? There's no way… Eren wouldn't completely forget about Levi. Eren _couldn't_ forget about him. "In your dreams, there's a man, right?"

Eren's eyes widen in shock, his brows rising to his hairline. "How did you know that? I didn't tell you about him, did I?"

"You call him Captain," Mikasa pushes.

"I-I don't remember calling him anything. I can't remember much about him." His eyes grow unfocused as he delves deep within his mind. His fingers rub at the indents of his temple as if he has a piercing migraine, and his eyes squeeze shut. "But his eyes…they're the same as Officer Levi's," he slowly drawls out.

"Yes." That's something. Maybe the memories aren't lost after all. "That's because—" Her arm is grappled, and all of a sudden Levi is standing in front of her, his mouth pressed into a tight line.

"What do you think you're doing?" His voice is detached and icy. She can tell he's angry, and it's that chilling, calm anger he's always had.

But Mikasa counters his anger undeterred. Levi never intimidated her in the past and he doesn't now either. She holds her shoulders high, rising to her feet. Her expression is wiped clean as she stands over him. "I'm telling him what he needs to know. We can't keep hiding the truth from him."

"The truth?" Eren interjects. "The two of you are keeping secrets from me?"

Levi ignores Eren, his scowl aimed at Mikasa deepening, and she duly matches his glare with an equally dark look.

Eren's gaze pointedly shifts to Levi's fingers wound around Mikasa's forearm. He stares at them thoughtfully. "Wait, are you two together?" His eyes taper in suspicion. "Are you toying with me to get to each other? Are you using me to make each other jealous?"

"Don't be stupid," they snap in unison without breaking their heated stare down.

There's a twitch at Eren's brow, and then his teeth grind together. The rumpled, confused look he was wearing seconds earlier wanes into a blackened, angry one. "No, I get it now." He's on his feet right in Levi's face, jabbing a finger at his chest. "I can see why Mikasa would use me, but _you_…? I hardly know you. You're like a stranger to me."

Levi is almost impossible to crack, but in that moment a reaction flashed across his face. Eren's words struck a blow to him, and although Levi isn't Mikasa's favorite person, that look twists her stomach.

"Don't say that, Eren. You're misunderstanding us," she cuts in.

Eren whirls on her. Alcohol has disrupted his thinking and his erratic anger is running rampant. "Yeah, I guess I've always misunderstood you. I thought we were friends. But I can see that isn't the case."

Mikasa glares at him. She knew he was dense, but how dense can one person be? She gets that he's not thinking clearly but he's pissing her off. "If you would stop acting like an asshole for a second and let me explain," she spits at him.

He cracks out a black laugh. "Now you want to explain things? Like how you did on that rooftop?" There's a single, sharp shake of his head in disbelief. "I don't want to hear it." He sidesteps her, stalking off.

"Wait, Eren." She turns to follow after him but a loose hold on her elbow keeps her still.

"Let him cool off. His anger is clouding his thinking. He won't be reasonable until he simmers down some."

All of her irritation is unleashed in a long, exhaled breath. Levi is right; Eren won't listen until his head is clear. "I don't know how he came up with that ridiculous conclusion."

"He'll always be an idiot."

She looks at Levi. His silvery eyes are directed away, features expertly schooled into an impenetrable mask. But that look that had flashed across his face earlier was pain. She knows that it was. He isn't unaffected by Eren's broken memory. It hurts him that Eren doesn't remember him.

"I think we've driven him into insanity," Mikasa mutters cynically. "He doesn't know what to think anymore. We need to tell him the truth."

Levi's eyes flick to her—they're sharp and severe. "No. Have you forgotten what happened in the end? If he remembers that he—"

"—I know!" Pressure builds in the backs of Mikasa's eye sockets. What happened in the end haunts her too. "I know… but you weren't there to see him afterwards. Without you he was never the same…" Her breathless voice trembles. "What if you avoiding him is unbearable for him? What if he needs you now just as he did back then?"

"He didn't need me. He was strong on his own."

Mikasa looks him in the eye. "He's always needed you." A beat of silence then she quietly says, "And you need him too, don't you." It's not a question.

Mikasa isn't surprised when Levi doesn't offer an answer. She pulls her arm from out of his hand. "His memory is slow at recovering. If you don't want him remembering the past, then maybe you can build new memories over the old ones before they can resurface. You could let him fall in love with you again."

Levi grimaces, and the muscles at his jawline flex. "That's risky… I could bring back unwanted memories."

Mikasa nods. It'll be risky. Levi will have to be careful with everything he says, with every move that he makes, because if he says the wrong thing or moves at the wrong time Eren could remember. But if Levi keeps pushing Eren away like this, he'll only drive Eren further into madness. Eren's state of mind is already fraying—that's clear from his irrationality he showed minutes ago. Mikasa isn't sure how much more Eren can take.

"And it'll be just as it was back then. If we get too close, I could lose my job. And this time, I won't have backup. At least Hanji and Erwin were there to cover me in case we were caught. Now if we're caught, the punishment will be worse." Levi's jaw is white from tension. Just the thought is stressful for him.

"Did you and Eren…go all the way in the past?" Mikasa flushes red as soon as the words are out of her mouth.

Levi is silent, but Mikasa hears him loud and clear.

"Just don't touch him until he's eighteen, can you do that?"

Levi won't meet her eye. "I've already slipped up more than once. If I let Eren get any closer to me, I don't know if I'll be able to control myself. It'd be easier to keep pushing him away."

"It's your choice. Do what you think you won't regret."

Levi's head hangs a little lower. "I'll regret whichever choice I make. My life is full of regrets."

"What happened to living with no regrets? Isn't that your motto?"

"Maybe it was at one time."

Mikasa winces. Levi is different now. She watched Eren change after Levi's death, but Eren has been born as Eren again—he's strong and passionate, exactly how he was in the past. But Levi, he's not the same. He's only a shadow of the person he used to be.

"You can still live by those words." Mikasa doesn't like to admit that Levi was always an admirable man. He's admirable still even as he falls apart. She wants him to regain his willpower. She prefers an asshole Levi to this broken one. "You're Humanity's Strongest, right?"

He still refuses to look at her directly, and his voice is quiet. "That person doesn't exist anymore."

"You're wrong." She's gentle and touches his shoulder. "He's standing right in front of me."

His drooped, silvery eyes finally shift to her and she offers a smile.

* * *

Armin notices Eren slumped on one of the pleather sofas, empty shot glasses chaotically sprawled in his lap. "Eren! Did you drink all those?"

Eren's head lifts a fraction and a careless grin stretches from ear-to-ear. "Hey, Armin," he slurs.

Armin is surprised. He's never seen Eren drink so much—he's normally pretty sparing with his alcohol. Armin takes the seat next to him and collects the shot glasses before setting them to the side on a nearby table. "You okay?" It seems like Eren drank all that on an impulse. Something probably had him worked up.

Eren focuses on Armin's face, and his fiery eyes are lost and slightly sad. "We're friends, right?"

"What? Of course! Why would you ask that?"

Eren shrugs. "You've been distant."

Armin supposes he's been a little distant lately. He's been thinking a lot about Annie, and images of a girl encased in some kind of hardened crystal keep haunting him. For some reason, he thinks the girl that's been crystallized in his dreams is Annie. When he falls asleep, he sees that crystallized girl and he wants for her to wake up almost like how he aches for Annie to open her eyes now. Because he's been sidetracked, he hasn't been spending much time with Eren. He's been wandering in his own world.

Armin watches his fingers anxiously tug at one another in his lap. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you'd miss me."

The corner of Eren's mouth pulls low. "You're my best friend. I need you."

Armin sucks in a breath. Eren needs him? He never thought Eren or Mikasa needed him. He thought he caused the both of them nothing but trouble. They're always protecting him, and he doesn't do anything for them at all. How many times has Eren been hurt because of him? Armin can never repay Eren for his kindness, and knowing that makes Armin dislike himself. Why can't he be stronger like Eren? Why can't he protect himself?

"You don't need me…" Armin mumbles.

Eren takes the sides Armin's head in his hands, looking him dead in the eye. Eren's face is so close that Armin can see his own face reflected back in his golden irises. "You always know what to do whenever I'm in trouble. I need you."

Armin stares at Eren for a long time. "Really…?"

Eren's grin is wide and sincere, and Armin knows Eren never lies. "Yeah."

Armin smiles, a warmth budding inside him. He feels significant. He feels like his existence is important after all. As long as Eren needs him, he'll be there. Armin might not be able to fight for Eren, but he can guide him. Eren tilts over, his head landing on Armin's shoulder. He's heavy on Armin's bony shoulder with deadweight. Armin shifts a bit, and Eren's head rocks with the movement.

"Eren?" He turns to look at Eren's face. Color has reddened his cheeks, and his eyes are half-lidded in an intoxicated daze. "You drank too much…"

Eren gives a garbled giggle. "Nah, I feel good."

"You won't in the morning." At this rate, Eren is going to have a killer hangover tomorrow.

They fall silent and then Eren suddenly says, "…You know, I think I might be in love with Officer Levi."

Armin jolts in shock. "_W-What_?"

"He seems so familiar…" Eren hums to himself dreamily, his mind far gone.

From out of nowhere, there's a mocking sneer. "Hey, don't you two make a cute couple."

Embarrassment envelops Armin's head in heat as he twists around and sees a group of guys smirking unkindly at them. Eren doesn't leave Armin's shoulder, but he moves his head back a fraction look at them.

"Piss off…" he halfheartedly grumbles. He's in a pleasant buzz—he doesn't have the spirit to pick a fight.

These guys don't leave though. They come closer, and Armin shrinks back into the cushions of the couch. These are some of the guys that hassle him on a daily basis. They're tall jocks with hard muscles stacking their bodies. Armin doesn't stand a chance against them, and with Eren in a drunken stupor he doesn't have any defense.

"What was that, Jaeger?" the biggest one demands.

Eren leisurely leans back. "Have your jock brains been turned to mush?" His retort is slurred and more amused than angry.

But that doesn't matter. Darkened glares are thrown at Eren in any case, and Armin ducks lower in fear.

"Stop provoking them," he whisper-shrieks.

Armin's warning goes unheeded. "They're not even supposed to be here," Eren scoffs. "Connie didn't invite these assholes."

Eren's collar is fisted in a beefy hand, and he's yanked to his feet.

Armin's breath catches in his throat. "Stop!" he shouts, but how can he protect Eren when he can't even protect himself?

The guy quirks a brow at him. "I don't remember you being so gutsy. Are you actually gonna try something?" He clutches Eren's jaw, and jerks his head around to face Armin.

Armin bites his lip. It looks uncomfortable for Eren. He's being twisted around at an odd angle. But it seems like he isn't quite registering what's happening. His awareness is clouded over.

"Gotta pick on those smaller than you 'cause you're too pathetic to take on a real threat, is that it?" comes a new, gravelly voice.

All eyes are on a small person wearing a baggy, black hoodie. It's Officer Levi. Armin's palms sweat even more. If these guys figure out Levi is a cop there's a good chance they'll only harass Eren further.

"Who are you?"

Levi's reply is clipped. "A real threat."

The guy snorts. "Get lost, midget. You're wasting my time."

Levi doesn't move. He gestures to Eren with a lazy wave of his hand. "That little shit you're holding—I need him."

"You'll have to wait your turn. I'm not through. He needs to be taught a lesson."

Eren is shoved up against the wall, the back of his skull loudly hitting against the plaster. He grunts and his head lolls clumsily from side to side.

A fierce grip is on the guy's arm, and Levi's expression is severe. "He lacks a brain. He can't learn." His voice is low and cold, and it's more frightening than any shouting voice Armin has ever heard—it sends chills up his spine.

"You're starting to piss me off."

Eren is released and he drops to the floor in a pile of limp limbs, his head sagging like a ragdoll's. The guy faces Levi, towering over him. There's something undeniably intimidating about Levi but this guy is much bigger in stature. It doesn't look like Levi could possibly win against him. And Levi is a police officer. If he uses violence against any high school students, he could get in serious trouble for it.

The front of Levi's hoodie is grabbed and twisted into a bunch. "You really are small. I could squash you," the guy seethes through his teeth.

"Try it," is Levi's dull reply. "I'm sure a tough guy like you won't have a problem."

"You think you're pretty smooth, don't you?"

There's an apathetic shrug of Levi's shoulders. "I'm not nearly as smooth as you. It takes real charm to bully people half your size."

The guy growls in fury, his pride having taken a critical hit. An angry fist is slammed at Levi, but Levi jumps back, narrowly missing the blow. More gritted knuckles are slung at him. This time, Levi skirts to the side, swiftly bypassing the assault. There's the reverberating crunch of knuckles connecting with plaster, a howl of pain, and then a string of curses is spat at Levi.

"Hey! What the fuck are you doing? That's my wall!" Connie hollers from down the hall, quickly making his way toward the commotion.

Levi disregards the buzzing chaos as people crowd around, eagerly awaiting a more thrilling fight that doesn't come. Levi tugs the hood over his head, concealing his identity, and stealthily mixes in with the crowd. He snakes through more brats until he finds Eren propped against the wall. He crouches beside Eren's unconscious form and grabs his shoulder, giving it a strong shake.

"Wake up."

Eren groans, his eyelids twitching. "…unng."

"Is he alright?" Armin questions, appearing beside them.

"He'll be fine." Levi eyes Armin. "I need to get him out of here. It's not safe."

Armin's jaw clenches into an anxious grimace. "You mean, those guys who killed his mother are looking for him?"

"Yeah."

Levi's knees are bent as he takes hold to Eren's wrists and hauls him to his feet. With Armin's help, he pulls Eren onto his back, hooking his elbows under Eren's knees. "Eren, hold on to me."

Eren must've heard Levi's order through his drunken haze because his arms coil around Levi's neck, locking in place. Levi is small and Eren looks like he'd be too heavy for him to carry, but he moves effortlessly while supporting Eren's full weight. Armin follows them toward the front of the house and opens the door for them. Before they slip outside, Levi turns over his shoulder, glancing at Armin.

"Break this party up. Tell Connie I said it isn't safe."

Armin stiffens. "Y-Yes sir."

The door shuts behind him, and Levi makes his way to his car. "You're a real pain in my ass," he quietly hisses at Eren. "First, you accuse me of stealing your girlfriend. Then you make me fight some idiot for you. And now, I'm giving you a piggyback ride." Levi pauses to adjust Eren's weight on his back. "I'm an old man. My bones are too creaky to be carrying brats like you around."

There's a soft chuckle. "You're not_ that _old. You seem to be managing just fine."

Levi fights the urge to drop Eren, and instead clicks his tongue irritably. "I didn't say you could get shitfaced, Idiot. No more alcohol, got it?"

"I dunno. If you're gonna carry me around like this, I might drink more often."

"Don't get used to it."

Eren's arms tighten around Levi's neck, and his cheek nestles into Levi's shoulder. "Guess I'll just enjoy it while it lasts then."

Eren feels heavier on Levi's back—he's dozed off, and Levi abruptly jerks him awake. "Hey, don't fall asleep."

"Keep me awake then," Eren grunts.

Levi unravels one of his arms from around Eren's knobby knee to pull open the car door. After setting Eren on the leather seat, he straps the seatbelt across Eren's chest, hovering over him to buckle it. It clicks in place then he's moving away, but Eren grasps his upper arm.

"Isn't that my hoodie?"

"I had to blend in."

"If you want to wear my clothes, all you have to do is ask."

"Tch. If I wanted to wear your clothes, I would've chosen something without a damn hole in it." The expression on Eren's face makes Levi's blood run quick—his cheeks are heated, his eyes half-lidded and they're staring right through Levi.

Eren's hand deliberately rises to Levi's face. He takes hold to the hood over his head, pulling it off. "I can't see your face like that."

"That's the point. I'm undercover."

"I want to see your face."

Levi ignores the stutter in his heart and says nothing as Eren's eyes roam every part of him. They're distant—Levi can see the chaotic thoughts tangling in Eren's mind, and the alcohol probably isn't helping. The backs of Eren's fingers lightly run along his cheekbone, down his jaw, and over his chin, leaving burning trails. Fingertips feel over the length of Levi's thin, bottom lip. Eren is gentle and warm, and Levi is so accustomed with Eren's touch that his lips reflexively part beneath his fingers, and he tilts in closer. Fingers slip into Levi's mouth, sliding over his teeth onto his tongue. Levi's body grows hot, and he struggles to curb the raging ache inside him. He abstains from doing anything he'll regret later, and catches Eren's wrist, removing his hand. Levi can't look at him as he firmly shuts the door.

By the time they arrived at the apartment building, Eren was out cold. Levi had to carry Eren on his back like a child all the way to his apartment. He kicks open the door, shuffles inside, and then carelessly lobs Eren onto the futon. The springs squeak and cry in protest when Eren's body hits the mattress. Still, even with the jerky movement, Eren doesn't wake up. Levi sits on the edge, hunched over as his thoughts split his mind into fragments.

There's a war raging inside him. He doesn't agree with Mikasa on building new memories. The risks are too great. He should avoid making any kind of ties with Eren for Eren's own sake. But it also hurts isolating himself from Eren. One of them is going to have to bear a painful life. Either Eren will remember and hate himself for what happened in their past, or Levi will have to agonize through a life without the one person who gives his existence meaning. Pushing Eren away is the only way to keep Eren's memory blocked. But with Eren gone, Levi's life will inevitably be empty.

He twists around to look at Eren's sloppy, flushed face. Levi is ready to live an empty life for him so he won't suffer anymore. He'd rather live without Eren than see him loathe his own self.

Drool dribbles down Eren's bottom lip, and Levi wipes it away with his thumb. He has no idea why this idiot brat is the only person who keeps him fighting. Eren is impulsive, loud, and he irritates Levi to his wit's end. But there's an inextinguishable flame of hope burning inside of Eren. Eren's very essence _is_ hope, and Levi needs that hope. He needs Eren.

Levi watches as Eren sleeps deeply. His expression is slack and peaceful—there's no pain or anger. Levi can't restrain himself. His hands move on their own and sweep Eren's unkempt hair to the side. Then Levi is looming over him, palms placed on either side of Eren's shoulders, knees straddling his hips, and his head bending lower. He places his lips on Eren's forehead— his skin is feverish against Levi's mouth.

"Eren…"

His mouth moves to the tip of Eren's nose then hovers just over Eren's lips. The sour stench of alcohol burns Levi's nostrils. But he leans closer anyway and softly catches onto Eren's latent lips. Behind the rank of alcohol is Eren's distinctive warmth. With that one drop of warmth, Levi loses himself. It's like relapsing to some sort of addiction. His fingers claw at the hem of Eren's sweater and he peels it off, leaving him in the white dress shirt he was wearing underneath. Dry lips desperately gnaw at the side of Eren's neck, at the bend of his shoulder. His mouth widens over the expanse of Eren's throat, his tongue touching and tasting Eren's salty-sweet skin. Levi breathes in that characteristic musky scent until his lungs overflow with it, his eyes falling shut, and relishing in all that he can.

Memories and images reel through Levi's mind. His time spent with Eren might not have been a long period of time, but those memories are his most treasured ones. Pain threads the memories, but they're his most passion filled ones and that makes them valuable. Levi will never let go of those memories.

His fingers start picking apart the buttons of Eren's shirt, deepening the V down his tanned chest. The key that always hangs around Eren's throat is exposed. Levi touches the metal.

"This is a heavy burden you wear around your neck. You bore it in the past, and it's followed you here."

But Levi will help him once again. Eren isn't alone. His friends are with him too. Levi resumes undoing Eren's shirt until all the buttons are loose. His palms fumble over Eren's bare torso, trembling with shame. What the hell is Levi doing? Isn't he stronger than this? His stomach churns— he's supposed to keep from touching Eren. What's worse is that Eren is in oblivion, and here Levi is taking advantage of his helpless state. Levi is disgusted with himself, but his vile thoughts won't stop. Over and over a voice in his head repeats: just one more time, just one more time. One more time and he can live his empty life like he's supposed to. One more time and he'll let Eren go.

One. More. Time. That's it.

That voice is too alluring. Levi swallows, his hand slipping lower on Eren's abdomen to his jeans. His nimble fingers deftly unbuckle them then carefully slide down the zipper. Levi's breath snags, his blood running fast to all different parts of him. His fingers steal beneath Eren's waistband, gliding bit-by-bit over Eren's soft, sensitive skin. Eren is too warm and too enticing—Levi doesn't stand a chance against him. Eren shivers under him, then ice water rushes through Levi's veins.

"Goddammit…"

He can't do this. The desire he feels for Eren is excruciating, his body longs for him to keep going, but he can't take advantage of Eren this way. There won't be a "one more time". He bites back the burning ache he feels with a deep, caving breath, and collapses to Eren's chest. His arms curl around Eren, holding him close. This can be enough. His eyes fall shut, listening to the even intervals of Eren's heart beating and the slow rushing sounds of his breath.

"I never told you my true feelings…" he whispers into the material of Eren's shirt.

Levi buries his face further in Eren's chest. He never told Eren how he really felt. There were countless opportunities for Levi to admit to Eren that he cared for him. He knew Eren desperately wanted to hear the truth. Eren had begged him for the truth. But Levi never said anything. If he had confessed, things could have gotten ugly sooner. Levi had enemies, and so did Eren. Hiding everything, even from Eren, was the surest way to safeguard them both. Levi knew if anyone found out the truth, not only could Levi have been dismissed, their feelings for each other could've been used against them. As a Lance Corporal, having intimate connections with anyone was risky. It was a vulnerability, a weakness that could be used as a threat.

Levi's arms tighten around Eren, and his leg locks around Eren's hip. Every line of his small body melds with Eren. It feels right, and for a moment Levi is whole. He doesn't think about how fleeting this will be, he doesn't think about anything else but Eren's warmth. He reaches over, his palm settling on Eren's cheek, and adjusts Eren's head so that he's facing him.

"Even now, it'll be dangerous to tell you the truth. But this time if you ask, I'll tell you." If Eren asks Levi how he truly feels about him, Levi will answer his question honestly. He'll tell him—all Eren has to do is ask. The risks will be the same as they were back then but Levi will save them both. He won't fail again.

"I'll protect you, Eren."

Just as he always has.


End file.
